Tuesday, January 23, 2007

i have a full-time job, a part-time job, and a boyfriend. you're going to have to leave a message.

Last night I was on drive-thru and I was realizing how much I just like it. That may (and probably will) change over the next few months, but right now I find it super easy to be legendary through the headset and at the window. I was joking around with co-workers and customers and I realized I was letting annoying things roll right off my back. Sometimes customers don't order exactly what they want or they're rude for no apparent reason. Sometimes co-workers leave you out of a conversation (accidently or intentionally, it can still be awkward) or meant to ask you to do something but didn't yet are still annoyed when it's not done. I was aware of all of this, but it really didn't bother me. A co-worker said something about me being absolutely adorable and I realized that even though my legs were starting to ache and I knew I'd be tired when I had to get up this morning for my office job, I felt more like myself while working there than I have in a few weeks.

My office job is hard, not because of my actual job description, but because I really don't feel like I fit with the people who work there. I was too quiet at the beginning when I should have given attitude right back and I ended up kind of painting myself into a corner where I just pretty much keep to myself. It's not the worst way to spend forty hours a week getting paid what I do, but it's nowhere near my dream job.

I was talking to a college admissions counselor yesterday and she asked me what my dream job is and I realized that I really don't know anymore. Something with psychology. Something where I get paid to interact with people and interpret how they interact with me, something where I can help people and be challenged and look forward to going to work more than I simply go because I have to.

It's kind of weird that adding another 30 hour a week commitment to my life is helping me to start find my footing again. I've been feeling stuck again, like I've just been sitting and watching everyone around me moving forward. Yesterday, I at least stood up again. Hopefully the steps forward will be good, even if they aren't easy.


mikewurtz said...

I know it sucks, but I'm glad you're here :-)

m3li558 said...

Thank you. :) It's good we can be email buddies.