Wednesday, May 30, 2007

wednesday wonders

This week's list brought to you by Chantilly cookies, Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, and the color orange. nephew was sitting in my dad's lap across the table. I asked him if he would want to go to the movies with me for an Auntie and Nephew day. He solemnly got down from my dad's lap and walked around to climb up into mine. We discussed that going to the movies meant popcorn too and he kissed my check, climbed down, and went back to my dad. He is absolutely the cutest two year old I know.
...the whole Weight Watchers thing is going really well. I don't know if I've lost anything, but I feel about a million times better and have done really well staying in my points without being obnoxious about it at all.
...I've been cooking more and it is a delight. fridge keeps things REALLY cold.
...being found by more people on MySpace!
...watching The Office on dvd.
...getting magazines in the mail.
...I am crazy in love with K, and he with me. That is an amazing feeling. can buy rice pudding in single servings and it is so amazingly delicious that I do believe it's my new addiction. Yes, rice pudding.
...I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon which hopefully means the end to the allergies and to the lovely sinus pain I've had this week. dad turned 50!
...ceiling fans
...having time to watch movies again
...italian sausage
...emails from friends I haven't talked to in AGES
...changing weather, even if I'm not sure I'm ready for Texas heat.
...the Spurs are doing well!
...eventually I'll be getting a pedicure with K's sister. Both the hanging out with her and the pedicure will each be lovely.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

ew gross ew.

I love K very much.

Last night he bought me the very best Pepperidge Farm cookies ever, the Chantilly ones.

Then about fifteen minutes later when he was about to leave, he realized with a gasp that I just started Weight Watchers and maybe a bag of scrumptious cookies wasn't the best thing to get me.

But it is fantastic because those cookies are so freaking delicious, I mentioned it offhand, I haven't had them in YEARS and it was such a delight for him to get them for me.

I'm working on being able to explain to him what I need from him because my needs aren't as tangible as his are.

What it really comes down to is I need him to surprise me with cookies or a phone call or by just showing up.

So far, so good.


Monday, May 28, 2007

movie review monday: the pursuit of happyness

The Pursuit of Happyness

The rousing, true-life story of a single dad who went from living on the streets to owning his own brokerage firm is brought to the big screen by superstar Will Smith, appearing for the first time opposite his real-life son Jaden Smith. Set in early-'80s San Francisco, the film charts the hard times and eventual comeback of Chris Gardner, a suddenly single salesman who has custody of his son, but finds that providing for the two of them is a challenge in the increasingly unstable economic climate. He struggles to work his way from unpaid intern at Dean Witter to something more substantial, even as life continues to offer him setbacks. Making his Hollywood debut, Italian director Gabriele Muccino was championed by Will Smith for the project. ~ Michael Hastings, All Movie Guide

This is one of those movies that I knew I would love when I saw the first preview. It came out around Christmas, which is my favorite movie season. That's when all the good artsy emotional movies come out. I love going to the movies in the summer too with all the blockbusters, but the controversial weird ones are always my favorites. Anyway though, Will Smith championed the project and he is an actor/famous person in general that I have come to have a lot of respect for. Somehow I missed the part where his real life son was the kid in the movie until I saw the movie last week. No, I have no idea how I didn't already know that.

I just wanted to cry during the whole movie. There was this family trying to make it and just having a rough time making all the ends meet. They invested money into some stuff that was possibly to sell but turned out to be nothing like what they thought it would be at the beginning. The mom is ultimately tired of it all and weary of her husband's desire to switch careers and leaves. It's awful and heartbreaking but at the same time, I kind of understood. I wouldn't ever be able to leave my husband and child but Thandie Newton did an excellent job showing internal turmoil and just how plain exhausted she was.

As the movie progresses, I found myself rooting for Chris and also impressed with the kind of father he was to his kid. And I really did have tears in my eyes at several points through the movie. So often it just doesn't seem fair when such awful circumstances befall people. Especially when they are working hard to come out of a poverty situation.

Will Smith was tremendous and I was impressed with the story. It didn't happen all that long ago (I remember going on BART around that time even) and I am especially interested in what the kid remembers of everything.

Basically, see the movie and have some Kleenex handy. I love Will Smith. He's made the list of if he's involved in a project, I'll be there to see it.

Rating: 4 of 4 stars

Saturday, May 26, 2007

saturday bonus, kind of. it's a lot of rambling

Well, I am feeling better but still basically crappy. I'm tired of not feeling good, but I am proud to say I haven't just holed up. It's probably part of the reason why I'm still struggling to feel okay. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday so hopefully the doctor will be able to give me some drugs to make my head not hate me anymore. I feel like I had botox or something because there's so much pressure in my forehead it doesn't seem like I can move it. I'm not as 100% sure it's allergies anymore though because K is a little bit sick now. Oh well, we'll start finding out with more certainty on Wednesday!

I had a job interview on Friday morning that seemed to go really well. It's to be a secretary in a different unit of the hospital and it's the opposite schedule of what I have now, so I'd be working into the night. The job seems pretty cool and a little more engaging than the one I have now, but I'm not entirely sure I want to flip my schedule. It'd be more money because there's a shift differential and there's at least a possibility of a raise because of moving to a different department, internal hire and all. I put in a bunch of interview requests to flip my schedule about a month or two ago and didn't really hear back on any of them. There's a lot of reasons, but they make me sound like an idiot so I'm going to skip that explanation. I talked to my boss and to HR and decided that I would simply stay put until September or October and then try again. That way I would be in the same position for at least a year which is more credible for both transferring and for my resume in general. In deciding this, I had a sense of calmness that I didn't really have before about going to work. It's been a rough ride in a few ways. Suddenly in the last two weeks, I've been able to roll my eyes at the bullshit instead of taking it all so personally and I got used to my schedule. Not working at Starbucks has helped a lot in getting enough sleep and having enough energy to come in and be pleasant. I haven't been super stoked to go to work every day, but it hasn't been such drudgery. So, the timing of this interview is bizarre. In any case, I'll know whether or not they even want to hire me by next Friday.

Today is my dad's 50th birthday. It's so weird because my parents do not seem old to me at all. I guess 50 is when you're supposed to start thinking of people as old, but it's not the case for me. I think maybe 70 is old. But when my dad turns 70, I guess I'll have to re-evaluate that assesment too.

And finally, yesterday I re-registered at Weight Watchers. My jeans are getting tight again and I'm tired of seeing pictures of me where I look happy and I know the day was a good one, but still wincing at my overall appearance. I know Weight Watchers works because it helps you just make better choices in general without having to eat certain foods or never getting to have dessert or snacks again. Also, both my parents lost a phenomenal amount of weight and have basically kept it off for a year or two. As soon as I can figure out how to do it ultra-cheap, I want a gym membership too. Something that I am really pleased about is the great recipes I've found online for meals that sound good enough to cook and enjoy with K. He tends to believe the only good vegetables are the ones found on pizza and the smaller cheeseburgers are better because you can taste more grease. We'll see how it all goes! I'm not going to post how much I weigh right now (if I ever do) because I'm embarassed. But I will keep track of how much I lose/gain each week. And as I find amazing recipes and whatnot, I'll be sure to post them too.

That's all! I'm going to go take a nap and do some dishes. I haven't done any dishes this week because I don't feel good, but as I no longer have clean glasses to use, I think it's time to suck it up and just wash away. :)

Friday, May 25, 2007

five different political topics i am very interested in but am afraid of sounding stupid if i write too much about them.

1. Healthcare
2. Abortion
3. Welfare/government programs in general
4. Public education
5. Environmental issues

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

wednesday wonders

I'm still sick and fairly pathetic looking but there are things to be happy about. niece reminding me the power of a kiss making things better when she whacked her arm on the closet door. For reals, a quick inspection to look for broken skin, a kiss, and a wiping away of the tears and she was back to giggling and jumping and running and generally being 3. juice. Tropicana original with no pulp. De-licious.
...a pharmacy tech hearing my cough and having me stop by for some cough medicine. Awesome.
...K being way more into Catch and Release than I was. I kind of fell asleep actually. I'll watch that part again later before we finish it together.
...a job interview on Friday! I don't know how I feel about it exactly but an interview never really hurts when your boss knows you were looking to change your schedule.
...Herdez Salsa Verde.
...the show Friends
...reading bed is ridiculously lovely and I actually get to sleep in there on a regular basis.
...I heard an update from a former coworker and it was awesome and I'm not even being bitchy by saying that. green tea with a little honey and cold soy milk to make it drinkable.
...K brings me a cup of ice water when I'm picking him up from work.
...I got my rent and all bills paid on time and still have a decent amount of money in my account. That is a delicious feeling.
...central air conditioning in my apartment
...I wear scrubs to work. That's like wearing pajamas with tennis shoes.
...The Office season finale was truly fantastic. tape of the Grey's Anatomy finale cut off the ending, but my dad put their copy on a dvd for me so I get to see it later on even though I know what happened.
...I found some new blogs this week that I am enjoying.
...I love K and he loves me and it is wonderful

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

enough is enough

I have a cold.


It's all the same symptoms and the same exact cough and the same exact quick onset as before.


I have an appointment with a lovely ears/nose/throat doctor on Friday to discuss allergies.

I'm sorry, I have to go blow my nose.


Saturday, May 19, 2007

five reasons why i had a hard time coming up with a friday five this week

1. I don't really have anything to whine about so there goes a list of things bugging me.

2. I can only think of three places I must see before I die, not five.

3. There's only two tv shows I cannot miss every week (The Office and Grey's Anatomy).

4. I've already written about blogs you should know about.

5. A lot of my reasons for loving K as much as I do are ridiculously mushy and I didn't feel like publishing them for the world to throw up over. :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

thinking on a thursday

Earlier this week, one of my friends had this huge conflict with her boyfriend because of her diary. She went to spend the weekend at her parent's house and her mom had found an old diary of hers and she went through it and found it to be hilarious. She has another more recent one that she writes in sporadically and her boyfriend ended up reading it and being angry and hurt because there wasn't much written about him, especially compared to other guys from the past. She just doesn't write in it as much as she used to and has this completely different way of noting important events in her life. It's one of those things where I can understand him being upset, but he should have listened to her a little more clearly when she tried to explain why she didn't think it was a good idea for him to read the more recent diary.

But it all made me start thinking and looking at my stack of journals. I've been writing for a very long time. I am not a very consistant writer but have always found value in getting my thoughts out on paper. Often times the good times are not recorded or contemplated as thoroughly as the rough times are simply because the good times are not as stressful or overwhelming to the point of emotional paralysis. The best way I can start to get myself to feel unstuck is to start writing things down.

My handwritten journals are for me. I start writing without background information, I stop in the middle of a line of thinking, I cuss, I underline and circle things, I am sometimes ugly. I am sometimes ridiculously giddy over something that may mean absolutely nothing to anyone else and obsess over things that even I at the time know are ridiculous. But I write with the assumption that no one else will ever read what's in there and maybe that's not an entirely safe assumption. I don't know.

My boyfriend is a writer and he keeps journals. I get tHe impression (but don't know for sure) that he writes even more sporadically than I do. I think it's a therputic thing for him as well but there are just times when he doesn't want to sit and think about things. There have been times when I would have loved to read through his writings anyway though, just to know what he thought was important enough to be actually putting on paper. But it's not fair for me to ask him to share that with me when I am not willing to share mine with him.

So that's what I've been thinking about. Do I continue to write simply for myself and do my best to not let anyone else ever read it, or do I open myself up a little more to at least K?

I don't know.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

wednesday wonders

In no particular order, here are things making me happy lately:

...this website that made me laugh even more as I continued scrolling. I'm sorry, I have a weird sense of humor and this hit the nail on the head. :) I got the link from which you should really bookmark. niece asking me what was wrong with my hair because it was curly.
...K and I were all curled up together and I turned my head and burped into my pillow, an event that he found to be sweet and hilarious all at the same time as I was mostly just embarassed.
...the way my nephew yells "Auntie!" over and over again as he runs up to me and stops just short to run off to get some toys or make sure his Papa knows he's there instead of giving me a hug or anything. mom's utter delight at her surprise Mother's Day vase from me. I was only supposed to get her a card (which I did get, but then forgot to take with me) but spotted this fantastic owl vase and she was giddy when she saw it. pedometer. Except I might have broken it. I walked from my truck all the way to my desk this morning and when I arrived after my ten minute walk, it said I had taken 5 steps.
...only having one job!
...being so well rested, calm, and relaxed that I feel a little drunk actually. boyfriend moved and I'm allowed to go inside this place. It's honestly still a little weird. I don't quite know what to do with myself when I go over there.
...the song "Beautiful Man" by Lori McKenna cell phone.
...iced venti no classic black tea.
...the Addison spin-off has been formally announced.
...there's also going to be a new show this fall that features Michael Vartan. Mmmm, Michael Vartan.
...being home and being able to watch pieces of the mini Friends marathons that are aired.
...watching Lost while laying with my head in K's lap and him idly playing with my hair while being astonished by what's going on in the show.
...requesting books at the library and getting emails when I can go pick them up.
...dried apricots and pears. family's delight at my twice baked potatoes.
...having time to make lists of fun things to do starting next week.
...comments on MySpace and this here blog.


"I think I broke my pedometer today."

"The one you just started using yesterday?"

"Yes. I dropped it and it wasn't counting after that."

"Oh no! How are we ever going to know how many steps you are taking?!"

don't be jealous, but my boyfriend has spiderman on his hand

"Look! When my veins get a certain way, you can see Spiderman on my hand! See?! There's the eyes, and the rest of his head."


"Are you making fun of me?"

"No. I see it. I just never thought to look at my hands to see what kind of action heros appear."

"Well, I wasn't LOOKING for it. It just appeared. Like the Virgin Mary on a quesadilla."

"I used to try to see if there were patterns or shapes in the freckles on my arms because I have so many but they're all so sporadic I never found anything cool besides the freckles."

"That's okay baby. Not everyone can have something like Spiderman on their hand."

i only kind of have road rage

I drive the same way to work every day, like I'm sure most everyone does. I try to leave at a certain point to beat traffic and to also get through one particular light because when it's red it feels like you're sitting there for ten minutes. That is a very long time to wait for a light. Beating the traffic though, the reason for that is because I tend to think a lot of Texans cannot drive.

In Southern California, pretty much everyone drives like they're not afraid to die. It's reckless and fast and ridiculous, but it's also possible to anticipate what people around you are going to do because everyone has the same style. In Northern California, drivers typically like more space between themselves and the car in front of them and things move a little more slowly (which honestly isn't saying much since my own experience is that a 65 mph speed limit on the freeway in Riverside means people are going about 80 mph). In Texas, all bets are off.

You can be driving on the freeway and a car in the fast lane will suddenly slow down to almost stopping to check their map and then suddenly veer in a horizontal motion to exit. The slow lane can be going at about 40 mph even if the speed limit is 70 mph. Driving on streets is different too. When it rains in California, everyone slows down because they're so confused about the sudden appearance of water. In San Antonio, everyone speeds up. Why? Don't know. Maybe everyone is trying to beat the possibility of flash floods home or something.

Turns are different. The lines on the road in San Antonio make for much sharper turns than I am used to from driving in California. But there's also this weird phenomenon that I just mentioned to K the other day about what happens when there are two turn lanes.

Say there are two turn lanes that lead to a road where there are three lanes. Everyone makes wide turns so they cross over the lanes, especially if you are turning right. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY. When I want to end up in a certain lane, I choose my turn lane accordingly and stay in the lane. More often than not, I am almost hit as the car on my right is trying to turn and merge into me at the same time. What the hell? I think if you want to be in the outside turn lane then that's the lane you get in. So whatever, it's annoying, I try to be aware and accomdating because apparently that's how you do things in Texas. But it still grinds my gears.

But today? TODAY I GOT HONKED AT by someone trying to make a wide turn. UNACCEPTABLE.

Someday I am going to really get hit because I am not entirely awake and I am taking for granted that the lane I am in is the one I am driving in and the car next to me is only driving in the lane they are in and I just hope that the insurance companies don't ask me what I was doing turning while staying in the same line I started in because I don't know what I will do.

Maybe I need to leave a little bit earlier so there are even LESS cars on the road on the way to work.

Monday, May 14, 2007

so true...

"I used to LOVE Rebecca St. James. She was my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE because she seemed so genuine and her music and everything was all cutting edge. And now it's like she's stayed right there and the world has passed her by."

"Yeah, that's what we call Amy Grant syndrome."

movie review monday: spiderman 3

Spiderman 3

Your friendly neighborhood web-slinger is back, only this time his sunny outlook has become partially overcast in the third chapter of director Sam Raimi's Spider-Man saga. Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco return to reprise their roles from the previous two installments, with Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, and Bryce Dallas Howard making their first appearances in the series as Flint Marko (aka Sandman), Eddie Brock (aka Venom), and Gwen Stacy, respectively. Peter Parker (Maguire) has finally leaned to walk the middle ground between being the superhero that his city needs, and the man that Mary Jane (Dunst) loves. All is well in New York City until one night, as Peter and M.J. set gazing at the stars, a falling comet streams across the sky and crashes into the ground close by. But this isn't any ordinary shooting star, and upon impact the mysterious space rock is split open to reveal a shape-shifting symbiote with the power to overtake anything that it comes into contact with. Later, as Harry Osborn acquires his late father's flying board, engineers a powerful new Goblin outfit, and takes to the sky to avenge dad's death, the mysterious space sludge infects both Peter's Spider Man suit and ambitious street photographer Eddie Brock (Grace). His strange new suit giving him a newfound sense of power as it gradually overpowers his personality, Peter discovers that escaped convict Flint Marko was in fact the man responsible for the death of Uncle Ben (Cliff Robertson). Unfortunately for Peter, Marko has recently acquired the power to morph at will and quickly completes his transformation into the dreaded Sandman. As the Sandman gives in to his darkest criminal instincts and the slithering space symbiote transforms Eddie Brock into the nightmarish fanged villain known as Venom, the citizens of New York City must once again call on Spider Man to fend off destructive forces that are far too powerful for the likes of mortal man. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Me and K went to the movies this weekend! Unfortuantely we went to eat at Cheesy Jane's first so no popcorn, but the other food was excellent. Next time I'm just going to skip the grilled chicken sandwich and only eat shypokes and spicy splinters.

Anyway, Spiderman 3 was pretty enjoyable. I haven't ever read the comic books or seen the animated series or anything like that. I just really enjoyed the first two movies and so of course wanted to see the third one. Also, I think Bryce Dallas Howard is fantastic so it was an extra bonus that she was in this one. I don't automatically like movies because a certain person is in them, but I will automatically put a movie on my list because a certain person is in it (Jodi Foster, Tom Hanks, Clive Owen, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Gwenyth Paltrow is pretty much my influential actor list). I thought this movie was a good mix of action and story line and the only thing that drove me crazy was the audience being so ridiculously loud.

The special effects were fantastic. The Sandman was especially cool. There were kind of a lot of new characters so I don't think Venom got the explanation or story time that he seemed to deserve, but I still liked how things flowed.

There are some really cool themes about forgiveness and redemption and there are some relationship dynamics that are fantastic.

I say go and see it. It's worth the money and I didn't know any background or anything and enjoyed all three movies. My boyfriend is fairly into comic books and had some nitpicky things about order of events and characters, but he still liked this movie too. The soundtrack is the best on the second movie though. :)

Rating 3 of 4 stars

Friday, May 11, 2007

five things i am looking forward to this weekend

1. Not working! Once I clock out Friday afternoon, I don't have to clock back in anywhere until Monday morning! I get to be one of those people who breathes a sigh of relief that it is Friday! I have weekends again!

2. Going to the movies with my boyfriend! The plans include Spiderman and possibly another one. We'll see!

3. Actually getting to spend quality time with my boyfriend! It's been a very busy week for both of us. He apologized yesterday for not seeing me much but I told him I think I'd be an awful girlfriend if I was genuinely upset about it. He moved for heaven's sake!

4. Baking twice baked potatoes for my mom for part of her Mother's Day feast! I have a new deluxe version. They now include bacon and green onions in addition to the sour cream, butter, and cheese. And no, they are not good for you, but the nature of the dish allows you to use the light version of everything and turkey bacon and still taste absolutely delicious.

5. Finishing the cleaning of my apartment. I am so stoked to have a lovely place to open the door to. It hasn't been too bad lately, but not entirely to where I'd be comfortable with my mom coming over. But today, the desk is getting cleared off, the floors are getting vaccuumed and mopped as needed, and I'm going to take a look at my closet again and see what I can do about the drama in there. I need to have a garage sale and get rid of some music and clothes. But anyway, at the end of the weekend, my apartment will be delightfully homey and hopefully the cleaning smell will have disipated.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

i don't know what i'm really trying to say

I've been thinking a lot about Christianity these days.

I believe in God. I've worked in two churches. I'm techincally a licensed minister although these days I'm not sure exactly what that means and if it means anything in Texas since that all happened in California. I do have a lovely frame for the certificate and also for the little bulletin from the service. And it was a pretty cool time in my life.

I went to a Christian college and that is mostly what did me in as far as turning me off to church for the past few years. Maybe I wasn't around the right group of people or didn't plug into the right church (except the one I did try very hard to get involved in has tons of people who rave about how awesome it is, so I don't know. And when I say I tried very hard, I really mean it. I volunteered in a bunch of different roles and met with pastors and had coffee with people and it just didn't take for some reason), but most of the Christians around me made me miserable. It was embarassing to hear the questions my classmates asked guest speakers in my behavioral science classes about why they didn't impose their beliefs on patients and clients. I was mortified to hear people praising God they don't live in awful parts of the world. It was frustrating to be around students who knew nothing of what was going on in the rest of the city, different parts of the state, and much less the world. I quickly found that even when it came to mundane things I needed help with, like getting a ride to the airport, it was a much better bet to ask someone from Starbucks than it was to ask someone from church or school. I could count on the people from Starbucks to follow through ridiculously more than I could count on the Christian friends I had.

This isn't true of all Christians or even of all Christians I know. I have two friends in particular that I've known for ages and ages that have strong beliefs in God that they display even when no one is paying attention. They are great examples to me of faith and commitment and each have strong marriages and beautiful babies. I have another more recent friend that is a Christian and one of the very best friends I've had. I can talk to her about anything without fear of judgement and I know she's there for me in all senses of the phrase.

I've noticed that the people who are vocal about being Christians at work are all fairly obnoxious. One is probably the biggest complainer I know. I've never seen this person having a good day. Another has their heart in the right place but is often so abrasive and weird about counting on Jesus for everything that no one takes them seriously unless they are talking about the Spurs. Another is just kind of dumb and rude and a different person is nice enough but doesn't really stop talking long enough to let anyone really connect with them.

And here I am. I don't go around telling people I'm a Christian because I know that at this point in my life that would probably do more harm than good. I have struggles and I drink and my boyfriend doesn't go to church and I have a kind of potty mouth and I don't display any kind of serious hope or calmness or inner peace. I believe in God but haven't talked to Him in awhile really and I haven't been to church in a year or so. Some things have happened that left me questioning where God really is. Things in the rest of the world, but also events in my own life.

I listen to KLOVE on a fairly regular basis because I do like some of the music on the station. It's the only Christian radio station I know about in this area. I have my own fairly extensive collection but my iPod being broken for so long kind of killed my habit of listening to it in my truck. I also used to have to drive a lot further to get to and from home and it doesn't seem worth the hassle to pick an artist and get it all set up and listen to my iPod for ten minutes and then put it all away. Anyway, KLOVE is one of my presets but I never listen to it if someone else is in the car because it embarasses me. Not that I listen to it, but the cheesiness of some of the djs and the ridiculousness of the pledge drive commentaries. People calling in and winning a contest and then saying prayer really does work and the proof is they were the 9th caller this time annoy the shit out of me. But I still listen because every so often, there's a good Superchic[k] or Jars of Clay song that comes in and brightens my day. I don't want to be one of the Christians that I hear on that radio station though.

I've been thinking about church and that I want to go back to the one I went to for awhile here because it was pretty cool. I haven't made that a priority over sleep with the overnight shifts I've been working since January but now I don't have that to keep me from going or to use it as an excuse. My mom told me last weekend I needed to start going to church again. She's right. She wants me to have a group of Christian women friends I can talk to and hang out with and learn from and share life with. I do too. I don't have many friends actually in San Antonio and church is a good place to work on that. There are times when I think I am seriously going crazy and if I had some more spiritual development going on I think it would curb at least a healthy portion of those times.

K's dad took off when he was a little kid. He's still around here and there but hasn't been any kind of a real part of K's life in several years. I'm not entirely clear on all the details, but there was a church involved in K's dad meeting another woman who he eventually left K's mom for. Despite this though, K has no problem with me going to church and a Bible study. He will even go with me once I've found a church home. My parents had an agreement when they got married that my mom would never force my dad to go with her as long as he never kept her from going to church and that seems like a very good deal to me. I never meant to start dating someone who didn't have the same set of core beliefs that I do. I don't think K is that far off though. I think he believes in God but that's about it and quite honestly, that's where I've been at for the past few years.

I need to find a place that has Christians who are real people and admit they are struggling (I don't necessarily need to know the struggles, but just that they aren't perfect) and working towards being better people. A group working to be better examples of Christ's love without speaking a different language or expecting all Christians to only listen to Christian music or get their books only at Christian book stores. I want to be involved in politics and just generally try to make the world a better place to be alive in and I want to do that with Christians. And I want to laugh and cry and offer support and recieve help and have female friends I can hang out with here and there.

So that's what I'm looking for, starting this weekend. I haven't decided what service I'm going to, but I am going to the church I went to last year and seeing if that's going to be a good fit. If you're so inclined, pray for me. And for K to follow through on that conversation we had several months ago that he'd come with me sooner rather than later.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

wednesday wonders

A list of happy things, brought to you by Pepsi, mini vanilla scones, and AllerClear medicine.

...spontaneous sushi with my boyfriend last night. And when I told the waitress that this was my favorite sushi place she said "That's because you got all the good rolls. Nice selection."
...lengthy email exchanges with friends. Sometimes we can email right away back and forth, sometimes there's a few days or weeks inbetween, but the exchanges are always fabulous.
...the last little piece of the last episode of Sex and the City with voice over and all the clips of where everyone is at in their lives. Miranda will always be my favorite. Except for season one because she's a little militant there. calendar with the animals made of fruits and vegetables.
...knowing how to deal with the muggy weather.
...iced water.
...banana pudding. The kind with the cut up pieces of banana and nilla wafers. So amazingly good.
...I have this Friday, Saturday AND Sunday off from work! That's so much time I'm not going to know what to do with myself!
...there is talk of going to the movies Friday AND Saturday!
...Catch and Release is being sent to me at this very moment. It's my girly movie I wanted to see and K said "You know, with a title like that, you'd think it would be about fishing. But I bet it's not, is it."
...listening to Gnarls Barkley for the first time in a few months. and K have been together, officially, on the same page, for a year now. :)
...Almond Snickers bars. Almonds and chocolate together generally. Adding caramel only makes it better.
...having a much better attitude about work.
...sweetened green tea lemonade.
...almost being done with the two job thing.
...teasing my mom about her having a crush on Bon Jovi because I think she kind of does. You know, a fake crush.
...a very special episode of The Office is showing on Thursday!
...the preview of the Grey's spin-off show last Thursday. I LOVED it. Don't tell anyone I said that, I am quite the show killer.
...K's crazy curly hair. He's going to get it cut soon, but I will enjoy it heartily in the meantime. more overnights. I will miss the shifts but not the hours.
...kissing. It's fabulous.
...salad for lunch and a sandwich for dinner.
...Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Skin Therapy Lotion for my hands. ultra wide tooth comb my mom got me from Sephora. It's a delight.
...naps. Sleep in general actually. I love sleep.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

frustrations in blurb format

Sometime on Sunday, my shower rod fell down. The part that the curtain goes on? It's down on the ground. I tried to figure out how to put it back up and part of it isn't entirely broken but just kind of smushed up and I don't know how you make a shower rod stay up anyway. Your bathroom will get very wet if you take a shower with no curtain up. But if you smell like coffee and various sugar based syrups and live in a humid area, you will quickly get over the floor being wet and enjoy that shower.

I work in a small room that has some large file cabinets, my desk and computer and whatnot, and a copy machine. There is an office off of this room to which the door is always locked. If you ask me if someone is in there and I say no, you won't be able to let yourself in. If someone is in there and the door is closed, perhaps they would prefer to not be available at the moment. Please, think about it for a moment, and then act.

If I was about to mop the floor and you take the mop and say you'll do it and I stand still for a moment looking around to find something else to do, please do not tell me you need for me to be doing something and not just standing around. I WAS doing something until you took the mop. One more week after this one, just one more week.

There are two people that I love very much that are DRIVING ME CRAZY. I don't understand the choices they are making in their situations and I don't understand the general inaction. It is quite possible that I will smack at least one of them upside the head the next time I see them. The other one, I think I might just take a day to not answer my phone and that might be enough for me to stop clenching my jaw so much.

Everything will be fine. Especially if I take a shower and go to bed straight after getting home tonight. How many days do you think I can wear the same clothes to Starbucks before it's an issue? :)

Monday, May 7, 2007

movie review monday: sliding doors

Sliding Doors

Full Synopsis:
British actor Peter Howitt wrote and directed this British romantic comedy-drama with a "road not taken" premise recalling the 1921 play If by Lord Dunsany (1878-1957), Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life (1946), and O.Henry's short story Roads of Destiny (1909). Howitt's storyline branches in two directions: Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) loses her job at a classy London PR firm, has a run-in with a purse-snatcher, and finds her boyfriend Gerry (John Lynch) in bed with his former girlfriend Lydia (Jeanne Tripplehorn). But what if it were one of those days when everything goes right? As the sliding doors close while she stands on a subway platform in the London underground, Helen ponders the events in her alternate reality. The plot of Lord Dunsany's If also hinges on a future determined by catching or missing a train. Sliding Doors was shown at the 1998 Sundance Film Festival. ~ Bhob Stewart, All Movie Guide

I didn't get a chance to watch any movies last week, so I wanted to take the opportunity to tell everyone about my all time favorite movie. Sometimes when I am having a rough day and I have time, I will take a Sliding Doors nap. That means I put it on but fall asleep while watching. I can do this without fear of being so distracted that I don't nap at all because I think I know almost every single word of the entire movie. Waking up intermittantly doesn't leave me lost and confused because I've seen it so many times.

But when I watch it fully conscious, it makes me sigh with happiness at the end every single time. It's a difficult movie to explain but it isn't difficult to watch. There are basically two plotlines going at the same time. When the movie starts off, Helen is late to work because she bought vodka to replace what she had taken from her office over the weekend. She's actually fired for theft anyway and goes to take the train back home to regroup. In one scenario, she catches the train. In the other, she misses it and has to take a taxi. It's a movie of what-if's and handles that matter very well. I don't know that one scenario is particularly better than the other when it comes down to it, but both definitely have highs and lows.

James is my favorite character and it took a few viewings for me to catch how funny he is. Definitely pay attention to the things he says because it isn't often that the other characters even pick up on how funny he is so you can't count on cues from the rest of the conversation.

I love this movie because it is thought provoking but still a romantic comedy-ish movie. It's the perfect amount of mushiness mixed in with questions. Also, I thoroughly enjoy Gwenyth Paltrow. Please, let me know what you think if you happen to see it. I hope it will be a delight. :)

Rating: 4 of 4 stars

Friday, May 4, 2007

friday five!

Five Things I Would Do If Money Was No Object

1. Quit my job and go to college full-time until I got my Masters and Marriage and Family Therapist license and could start a job as a counselor in some sort of capacity. Maybe I'd just go straight through for a doctorate, but I think I would miss working before then really.

2. Take K to California and show him all of my favorite places and introduce him to every friend and family member we could manage. We'd go to San Francisco and gorge ourselves on seafood and sourdough bread, eat Chinese food in Fremont, drive on the 5, go to Disneyland and California Adventure, eat tacos in Corona, smell orange blossoms in Riverside, go to Newport Beach... It would be a truly fantastic trip.

3. Buy a house. Not a crazy big one, but one with a few rooms, good plumbing, a decent yard, and central air conditioning. Preferrably in a quasi-established neighborhood with a lot of trees.

4. Get a gym membership, go back to Weight Watchers, and take a class on nutrition or cooking or something and get into amazing shape. This is totally something I can manager pretty well right now, but I noticed that I've been letting the cost of some of the things, or just knowing that they cost something, distract me from making it happen. I'm getting there though.

5. Take K to the movies every night for a month. Or some equivalent to that. He LOVES going to the movies. I do too, but it falls to the wayside much more quickly for me than for him based on available time and funds.


About three weeks ago, I sat down with my manager at Starbucks and told her that I needed to give notice. It was a really good conversation and it was about 10 or 15 minutes. I explained it wasn't the store as much as it was just difficult to have two jobs. I'm a little ahead of myself now with money and I've been able to put some money into a savings account as well, so I'm alright there. And mostly I just need some more sleep. I told her that there were a few things that had happened that weren't awful, but just would have been easier to handle if I had a little more sleep under my belt. I explained that I didn't want to leave the store in a bind and I wanted to be rehirable. She said she completely understood, asked if there was anything the store could do to help me out, and said that if life calmed down for me she would rehire me in a heartbeat. May 20th is my last day and she's already found someone to take over the overnights I was working so next week and the following week, I have a bunch of baby shifts on the weeknights. I am so excited about all of this. I will miss Starbucks once it's not so prominently in my life again, but I am deleriously happy with the thought of sleeping properly and having weekends off. And hopefully will be filling in some of my gobs of time with school soon.

Yesterday, I went into my store and I noticed a partner who I have seen on numerous social occassions was covering a shift. I haven't seen her in a long time though and so we started chatting.

"Hey lady, I haven't seen you in forever! How are you?"
"Oh my gosh Melissa, I'm so excited to see you! Everytime I come by, I ask if you're working, but you're never here!"
"Yeah, I just work baby shifts, so that's probably why I've missed you."

Enter my store manager:
"Yeah, and we only have her for a few more weeks before she's moving on to the wedding thing!"

Enter my confused expression. Heh.

It is true that K and I have discussed marriage, but we have decided that we don't want to rush things or push things too quickly. We're really happy but there are a lot of things that haven't necessarily come up and there is a lot of change in K's life especially right now that we need the dust to settle on and see where we are at the end of it. My mom told me that every time he and I show up, she half expects one of us to say "Hey guess what! We got married!" We're in a good spot and I'm crazy in love with him, but we aren't completely there yet. It's cool, I've got time.

My store manager does know that I'm dating K, but I've never actually talked to her about him or anything. I have absolutely no idea where her information came from, but I think it's hilarious.

And actually, K does too. That's how I know we're in a good spot. I can tell him stuff like that and he doesn't freak out that people are talking about us getting married, he thinks it's funny like I do that someone has fast forwarded us with little to no reason to do so.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

wednesday wonders

Splenda, look, it's on time! Wahoosie!

...banana pudding days in the cafeteria.
...joshua radin playing on my iPod.
...rainy thunderstorms. Man I love 'em. Didn't think I'd be saying that last year at this time. :)
...air conditioning.
...being able to make it through a 14 hour two job workday and only getting really antsy to go home or at least talk to K in the last ten minutes of my second shift. That is truly remarkable, folks.
...a voicemail from my mom with the babies yelling variations of "Hi Auntie! I love you!" in the background.
...the new avril lavigne album. There are so many cds I probably should have gotten first, but I just felt like owning my very own copy of "Girlfriend." It's all explicit because Avil is hardcore of course, but the ballads are fantastic as always.
...I got to go to bed before 5:30 am this weekend (I had to call in sick to accomplish this, which I felt bad about, but holy crap I needed to).
...this is my last set of overnights this week. Hallelujah! I'm okay with moving on, I gave it a good four and a half months and it's only gotten harder to make the schedule work.
...trying to guess what that really weird metallic-ish sound is that I hear every night around eleven coming from the apartment above mine. Right now I'm content with the guess that it is the door of some sort of high tech sleeping apparatus opening. is still my first click every day. And through the day.
...good heartfelt honest conversations with K.
...working on letting K in more, letting him take care of me. It's kind of scary in some ways and kind of weird in some ways and kind of delightful in other ways. I really love that man.
...sushi. Mmm, spicy tuna roll...
...having a very good talk with my supervisor that then led to an excellent meeting with another person from work today.
...sleeping in on accident but still waking up with enough time to get to work on time.
...long hot showers with good body wash. new skin regimen seems to be working well and is very much cheaper than the one I had been using.
...sometimes K will lean in and smell my neck because he likes what I smell like. It's not as creepy or weird as I just made it sound though.
...getting to talk to my mom about little and big things.
...a belated happy secretary's day card.
...those adhesive heating patches you can you stick in your underwear that work like magic to take the cramps away.
...birth control pills.
...this week is moving pretty quickly which is a nice change for me.
...pomegrante fruit juice blends with strawberry instead of green tea.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007


Lots of stuff going on this week... I'll actually be writing posts soon this week, I promise!