Monday, January 26, 2009

25 things

I haven't watched any movies lately, so instead, you get 25 facts that you may or may not know about me.

1. I absolutely adore cold weather.
2. I only meant to stay in San Antonio for six months to a year.
3. The first thing I remember ever wanting to be when I grew up was a coroner.
4. My favorite color is orange but pink makes me really happy.
5. I do not want a big wedding and never have.
6. I can tell when my blood pressure has risen because I can feel it in my neck.
7. If possible, I would like to have four kids.
8. My true favorite Starbucks drink is iced venti ice water.
9. It has been more than a year since I last worked at Starbucks, but people still ask what my favorite drink is when they find out I used to work there.
10. I like watching tv shows on dvd more than I like watching them on the networks.
11. Except for Criminal Minds. I can only handle one episode a week.
12. Pepsi has been my favorite soda for as long as I can remember.
13. I can always tell the difference between Pepsi and other cola drinks.
14. I adore accents. All of them. Every time I hear a new one I think that one is my favorite.
15. I think being as white as I am is kind of boring.
16. Throughout my life, I have rarely had actual crushes on movie stars.
17. But when I was 10, I had a door size poster of Fred Savage in my room.
18. My bedroom is usually my favorite room in any spot I live.
19. On dark cloudy rainy days the thing I want to do most is crack the window so I can hear the rain and stay in bed and read all day long.
20. There is nothing as magical as children's literature.
21. My boyfriend has taken to doing small things to show he cares and my favorite is when he comes to bed long after I've already been there and rubs my back for awhile.
22. If I had random money to spend on anything I wanted and every bill and my truck were taken care of, the first store I would go to is the Apple store.
23. I have to keep my nails short because it bugs me when they click on the computer keyboard as I type.
24. I wish I could get my nose pierced again. That cute little sparkle really did make me happier than it probably should have.
25. Someday I will live in a house where I take a bubble bath at least more than once a week.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

i still have the headache, but everything else is calming down

K and I have been having a mildly rough time that exploded all over the place last weekend because of a big misunderstanding, but in a lot of ways I'm grateful for something happening that made us both stop and realize we WANT to be together. We aren't a couple because it's easier than breaking up and starting over with someone else, we aren't a couple because our families like us (as individuals and as a couple), we aren't a couple because neither one of us wants to move right now. We're a couple because we love each other and we have to take the time to acknowledge that daily, otherwise this isn't going to work.

A long time ago, my friend Tina and I went to this Bible study that I think I've mentioned before in here someplace because it was kind of an integral part of my life. It was kind of a weird time for both of us and especially to be in that particular group because the leader was one of the coolest and most lovely women I've ever known but everyone besides Tina and I were in a serious relationship. It was the summer of weddings. Tina and I often hung out after the group to take the lessons we could and reassure each other that not being about to get married was okay. At least, that's how I remember it. Heh.

For sure though, I do remember a lot of conversations that we had and things we talked about relationships and they help me out now so it wasn't a huge waste of time regardless of how frustrating it was at the time. The leader told us once that you shouldn't tell your mom when you are frustrated with your husband because she will hold on to the details of the situation much longer than you will. You will know all the ins and outs of your relationship and come to an understanding that you may or may not be able to explain to anyone else or things will otherwise end up being fine for the two of you. But your mom will see that you were hurting and hold on to that long after you may have even completely forgotten about whatever situation it was that you mentioned to her.

It is really hard to ask for advice about my relationship with K and get what I need because K and I are the only ones who have literally all of the details. Sometimes I forget that whoever I'm talking to doesn't know EVERYTHING about us. No one really does or can. That's how it is with everyone's relationships. I'm very lucky to have family and friends that support me and love me and will get angry for me and spring to action when I'm frozen in heartache. But ultimately, it is K and me who have to decide what is best for the two of us. Sometimes we will be able to explain it thoroughly to anyone who is willing to listen and it will make sense to everyone. Other times it just won't.

I love K in a way that I haven't ever loved anyone. He feels the same way about me. We have things to work on and there are going to be more things that come up as we continue going through life together. The biggest lesson I learned last weekend was I absolutely have to wait for the entire story. Things are not always what they seem. I think the biggest lesson he learned was he needs to be more forthcoming and specific. Together we decided that our love for each other is worth going through rough patches. We are making changes and growing and ironically our relationship has jumped forward on the serious path by leaps and bounds in the past few days.

I haven't made formal resolutions for the new year, but two things I've been mulling over are being more appreciative of where I'm at in life and what is going on and being more consistent in doing what I say I'm going to do. All of this with K has really helped me see how important these two are and if it's all I manage to conquer this year, I think I'd be in good shape. K will undoubtedly drive me crazy sometimes (as I will him) but I'm grateful for the place he has in my life. I want to be a loving, supportive, and appreciative girlfriend and I at least know how to start acting like all of that on a regular basis.

He's making changes too, don't think I've taken this all upon myself. It's just my blog so it's my thoughts. And that's all I've got for now!

tmi again, i just can't help myself

Last night I went to the grocery store to just pick up a few things. I had showered, but I was not looking well. My face was extremely pale and the headache that started a few days ago hasn't really gone away not to mention all the issues down south. I haven't had a problem being a girl for awhile, but the last few days, wow.

So I go to the grocery store. I take my eco-conscious bag with me and grab a basket because I don't know the rules. If I'm just getting a few things, can I toss them into my green bag or does that make me look like I'm stealing? So, whatever. I get my feminine hygiene products, an onion, some cheese for a recipe I have in mind, and then I think about what I want to eat for dinner. The onion and the cheese have to wait for the meat to thaw in my fridge, so that's out. And then the cramps are starting to come back and I realize all I want is something salty and something sweet. Chips and salsa is slightly healthier than popcorn with extra extra crazy extra butter, so I grab some tortilla chips and some candy. And I go to the check out.

As I unload my basket, I think it is clear I am a girl with some issues. I was polite but just wanted to go home and get back in bed. So when I went to grab my bag and leave and the young woman behind the counter said "And you have a WONDERFUL night." I kind of paused. And I thought to myself, I really need to get home and that's probably just for the best. I couldn't tell if she was being serious or trying to say I was really rude to her or something. Lucky for her the pain was coming back because otherwise I would have tried to settle that question and I don't think anyone would have been happy about it.

The lesson really is if it involves too much information, I will probably write a blog about it, I should remember to always be stocked up on pads and whatnot so I don't have to run to the store as I actually need something, and when my head hurts so bad it's making me pale, the place for me to be is in bed.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


My yoga instructor told us that at the beginning, doing yoga can be like taking extra doses of fiber. All the twisting and holding poses you've either never done or haven't done in quite awhile can loosen up saturated fat stuck in your body and out it goes! I can only assume based on my experience yesterday and so far today that this can also happen with endometrial lining. So basically, I will be making a run to the store for more, um, supplies in a bit and then go back to spending most of the day in bed. I have not bled through underwear and pajama pants since I was thirteen. I declared I was never leaving the house that morning as my parents hid their smiles and saved their laughter until later, but today I have to say that thirteen year old girl was on to something.

Friday, January 23, 2009

i'm fighting really hard and i have to say, it's exhausting

Ani DiFranco has this song with the line "The heart is a muscle, and frankly, mine is sore." That's how I can sum up how I feel.

I quit my job at the end of December and have yet to find a new one even though I have two places I have had call back interviews to. I have twenty cents to my name until a new job or my tax refund comes in, whichever comes first. But yes, literally twenty cents. K and I had a major issue this weekend and I spent a few days at my parent's house to clear my head. We have covered the major issue and are okay but we are working on a bunch of the little things that come up here and there in a relationship. I have cramps like a mofo (but it's not actually period time) and feel like all of my energy is just draining out of me. Plus I am fat. I am out of shape to the point of feeling absolutely ridiculous about being in my yoga class even though I completely love it and know it is helping in small increments.

It seems like that how every single thing is. It's all coming together in very small increments but inbetween I am in miserable pain because my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been in years, if at all. But today, all I can feel is the pain. I have no idea what the results are going to look like and at the moment I am just completely exhausted.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


So I used to get up sometime between 11:30 am (on a good day) and 1:30 pm (more like a typical day). Now, on Mondays and Wednesdays I have to get up at 5:00 am. Or later, provided I've taken a shower the night before so I can avoid being funky all day but I have to leave at 5:45 am to beat traffic and find a parking spot with ease at my school. All of this means my bed time, at least on Sundays and Tuesdays, really needs to be as close to 10 pm as possible.

How do you train yourself to go to sleep like five hours earlier than you used to? And how do you stay asleep when your boyfriend likes to take the term "night owl" to extremes? Also, say it just doesn't work out and you end up getting an hour or two of sleep before having to get up and go to school. When you come home, exhausted, do you force yourself to stay up and go to bed early-ish or do you let yourself take a nap?

These are all serious questions so if you have advice or a web site or whatever, help me!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

wednesday wonders

...starting school and being ridiculously excited about this fact. yoga class time puts me doing yoga at sunrise. How awesomely cliche is that?!
...getting to be unapologetically nerdy right from the get go. government teacher has two Masters, one in Marriage and Family Therapy and one in Government. She thought it was hysterical that I told her she might be my new hero. sore neck from my stupid car accident only lasted one day.
...I have two places that I've had multiple interviews at which has to turn into SOMETHING soon. Right? Just tell me yes.
...treating myself to an obnoxious former Starbucks employee drink: iced venti 2 pump mocha 2 pump vanilla soy no whip mocha.
...lots and lots of walking even though that was the result of not knowing my campus at all and taking the longest way possible multiple times on accident. parents letting me use their house on the way home from school as a place for peace, quiet, printing, and eating. I'm allowed to have whatever I can find but only because there is no more kahlua.
...having honest (although sometimes difficult) conversations with K about us.
...cold weather making a come back!
...classes started and I love all three and each teacher is so so so great!
...going grocery shopping and stocking up the fridge and freezer by only actually paying $10 because I had some gift cards.
...reading random books for no real reason.
...making my hair all crazy curly.
...having a makeup consultation with my dear friend Splenda and realizing I can look kinda hot if I actually try to. big poofy lips don't look as awkward as I thought they did if I wear the right kind of lipstick and whatnot.
...feeling like I'm a true Spurs fan. I listened to the game on the radio as I was driving and even sat in the parking lot to hear the last few minutes just so I didn't miss a thing.
...daydreaming about being rich and having sushi every week and season tickets for the Spurs.
...having a boyfriend who loves me as much as K does.
...talking to my niece and nephew on the phone.
...diligence meaning a $20 reduction in my electricity bill.
...browsing the web site because that stuff is some pretty cool stuff.
...watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. Those kids are freaking adorable.

Monday, January 12, 2009

it's been a big day!

I am so not used to having all kinds of stuff going on before 3 pm. I had that schedule for quite some time!

Today was my first day of school and I got up right on time at 5 am and managed to leave really close to my planned 5:45 am. Even though that gets me to the campus a little early, I think I need to stick with that time for leaving because I don't want to get stuck in traffic. I still can't believe I actually chose a 6:30 am class, but at the same time it's kind of fantastic to be completely done with my school day by 10:45 am.

Yoga is first. First thing I learned is yoga is not easy. I have some dvds and stuff but I've only done a really half-assed version of things and not consistently at all either. Today we did half of a pre-assessment and then we'll do the same stuff all again at the end of the semester to see how much we've improved. We did this thing that's kind of like push-ups except it focuses on your triceps and shoulders more than your chest and biceps. Yes, it is as icky as it sounds, at least the first time you do it. Then was sitting with no chair with arms straight out in front for as long as you can hold it. Do it. Then try to stay for ten more seconds when your legs start to shake. Then after that, go walk up and down some stairs. Anyway though, my teacher is a delight because she is crazy excited about all things athletic and is good at explaining foreign positions and whatnot without making you feel awkward. I'm excited I actually have my own yoga mat to take with me, I just need to get a bag for it someplace.

Next is Federal Government. Oh, how I adore government. I'm not even kidding, it really and truly fascinates me. I took Texas Government with a teacher who had actually been a Congressman which was awesome and I was kind of disappointed it wasn't going to work out for me to take Fed Govt from him as well. Disappointed until I met this teacher. I think she loves government more than I do which just makes my heart happy. Plus, she had us read this really interesting article about how a country has to have rigor, intelligence, AND creativity to succeed so basically the 21st century is up for grabs right now. I am really looking forward to getting to know her better and to the class in general because I am such a nerdilicious nerd.

And finally, Social Psychology. The only thing that makes my heart happier in school than government is a psychology professor who is a little wacky but also tremendously smart and wants you to be able to learn as much as possible so you can apply it on a daily basis without having to think about it too much. It seems like a good group of people, except the one guy who was drifting off and borderline snoring. It's the first day dude, maybe you should drop. Although no one will get any sympathy from me about having an early morning if that's their first class since it's my third. My teacher is currently writing her doctoral thesis. I hope I can get the courage up quickly to ask her about it because I'm just impressed with her pursuing it and am sure to be blown away by the research.

At the end of the semester I am going to be at least closer to being a hottie if not just already one (the combination of Weight Watchers and Yoga twice a week should kick my ass in a really great way), be able to inform anyone who will listen the virtues of our government along with fascinating facts like how Steve Jobs used a course he took at Stanford in Calligraphy to create the computer icons we know and love today, and have fallen even more in love with psychology than I already have.

After school (and stopping by my parent's house to mooch some food--don't worry I told them), I had another job interview! Or another part of the job interview process at least. It went well so I get to proceed to the next step which is a phone interview. Then I checked my voice mail and had a call wanting to set up another interview with the other place I had applied and interviewed at last week. My stress level is already decreasing with the start of school, but it will even more so once I've got a job and am earning a real paycheck. Please pray or keep your fingers crossed or think good thoughts!

movie review monday: return to me

Ahh, Return to Me. You'll find this for rent but in the shelves nowhere near the new release wall. You can sometimes find it in the discount section at Target or where ever you happen to buy dvds. But I caught a small snippet of it today on tv and decided that it was worth blogging about.

It is a lovely love story that will charm you to pieces with its adult story that actually contains no weird sex scenes and has only one scene with questionable language that is hilarious. It starts David Duchovny and Minnie Driver so right there you should be sold, quite honestly. Banana Republic was very good to Mr. Duchovny in this movie.

At the beginning of the movie, he is married to a passionate woman. She tragically dies in a car crash and her organs are donated. Minnie Driver ends up with her heart. They meet randomly in a restaurant where she works and since sparks fly, end up going out on a date later on. There's all kinds of little side stories and the best part about the movie is the dialogue is really how people talk. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with a male I'm trying to impress where I sound like an idiot and know it but can't seem to stop talking.

It's tragic and endearing and makes you cry at the beginning and the end and is therefore one of the most perfect chick flicks there are. Most guys that I know that have seen it have tolerated it well, so don't let the previous statement be a deterrent from renting it for mixed company.

Return to Me is rated five of five stars for being absolutely adorable.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

class is going to come very early on monday morning

I would just like to say that I am taking three classes on Mondays and Wednesdays and am out of class by 10:45 am. That's hardcore, man.

My internal clock is all out of whack. That's why I'm up right now eating ramen and desperately searching for something interesting to watch on tv instead of sleeping. It's just kind of nice and peaceful as my upstairs neighbors have not woken up yet. I still haven't figured out what requires so much constant marching around. But I have definitely figured out the next place I live will be on the top floor, even if that means it's the third floor.

Yesterday was my niece's fifth birthday. She is a lot of fun to spend time with because she's more little kid than baby now (even though I will forever refer to my sister's kids collectively as "the babies") and little kid logic is seriously the best. I personally enjoy how I am always greeted with "Auntie! Auntie! Auntie!" Sometimes I hear it more if it's as the kids are running across the yard or something. I talked to her on the phone and wished her a happy birthday and she told me a little about her day. It's so cliche and ridiculous but I can't believe she's old enough for me to completely understand on the phone now. I also talked to my nephew. His birthday is at the end of next month so what he said to me was "Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. When (my niece) is done getting growed up, then it gets to be my birthday. Okay, I love you." How can you just not adore the two of them?

I'm going to pretend like I can sleep now... Wish me luck!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

wednesday wonders

Things making me happy...

...telling people about my Spurs game experience starting next Monday
...K being absolutely fantastic in non-specific ways
...long fingernails
...a clean living room and bathroom just in time to have friends randomly over books to read
...a boyfriend who loves to read and then gives me more books to read niece's eyes growing wide with excitement as I detailed an idea to start reading chapter books with her soon
...the way if you catch my nephew off guard with something funny how he has this cute little hiccup laugh
...a lovely visit with my grandmother and great-grandfather
...having jeans that actually fit
...Indian food buffets
...switching back and forth between contacts and glasses becoming more effortless
...Firefox movie tickets
...the plans for making a photo frame that includes our ticket stubs to the Spurs game
...going to a much needed Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow with my mom sister emailing job openings that may be a good fit
...King of the Hill on Adult Swim

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


Well, this is the week that I think is going to be rough. This is the week that I have nothing to do but fill out applications and wait for more job interviews to be set up and count down the days until my classes start. A lot of people think I am a very patient person because I am quiet when I first meet them. Just because I'm quiet sometimes doesn't mean I'm patient. It just means I'm not saying anything.

I paid my tuition, checked that the rent check is going through, and started to panic because that's pretty much it for my bank account. I have no more income. I still have some gift cards and I do have some clothes I can return if I need to (I'll decide tomorrow actually), but other than that, nothing. I really feel like everything is going to be okay and this was absolutely the best decision to make, but man does the waiting suck.

It is hard to be close to doing something but not quite there. And it's difficult to be working so hard filling out application after application and doing follow up calls and cards and just waiting for something to pan out.

If anyone has any leads on jobs, please let me know. Also, if anyone wants to just straight out hire me for something, even temporary, please let me know!

Monday, January 5, 2009

my first time

My parents typically ask me for a wish list for Christmas and my birthday. My Christmas wish list usually includes a lot of things I kind of need rather than just want to have. Things that fill in gaps so I don't have to worry about them later, like underwear or gift cards that can be used for fun but may also be used to purchase things I need like groceries or whatever. Being an adult just sucks sometimes. Especially being an adult with a job that pays the bills without leaving much left over for anything else.

Well, this year, my parents threw our wish lists to the wind and decided on purely extravagant gifts for K and I as well as my sister and brother-in-law. We all knew we were getting a bottle of homemade khalua (which is an entirely different blog post that may or may not come later) per couple, but we did not know there would be envelopes inside the box that held the bottle. K and I were given two tickets to a Spurs game along with some cash to cover parking and to give us some spending money at the game. Awhile back, my mom let me know K and I needed to have a certain day off for a mysterious event and we kind of guessed it was for a Spurs game but we didn't know for sure until Christmas Eve. We also had no idea what kind of evening was in store for us.

We took my little digital camera (which I have seemingly lost the cord to connect it to my computer with), the cash my parents gave us plus a little extra just in case, and off we went! Oh, I should say that I decided to wear a black shirt because that's one of the Spurs' colors and K decided to wear a button down burgandy shirt in case we were on tv or Manu saw him. I love my boyfriend, he's so fricken cute!

I hate San Antonio freeways. I don't miss California much anymore but every time I get on the freeway to go someplace I get so annoyed at all the stupid drivers and how awkward the freeway system is here. I think it's because I took freeways EVERYWHERE in Southern California especially and it's a great system. There's no stupid access roads or turn-arounds or times when you're on one road that has three numbers and two different compass directions listed on signs. There's little warning for exits coming up in San Antonio and also random spots where you have to switch over to the complete other side of the set of lanes to stay on the freeway you're supposed to be taking.

We got to the ATT&T Center without too much hassle. And my giddiness began to grow.

First off, there is a coliseum next to the stadium and this weekend there was a gun show. So K stood in front of the gigantic "Gun Show" sign and flexed his arms for a picture because we are a hysterical couple.

Then we made our way to the stadium. I wanted us to both get souveniers and the thing I wanted the very most was a giant foam finger. You can go inside the arena awhile before the game but it's limited access until one hour before game time. I saw a counter with some Spurs stuff and just walked right up and asked for a foam finger and purchased it with a fairly ridiculous amount of delight. That was even before I knew there was a giant store with any kind of Spurs thing you could imagine!

We took a picture of me pointing to where our seats where with my foam finger. Don't be jealous of our awesome ideas of commemorating our experience.

So finally it was time that we could go to our seats. We found them, sat down, and were amazed at how good they were. They were diagonal to one of the ends of the court which was perfect for watching action. We were close enough to be able to see the players and know who they were without relying on their jerseys. Excellent seats fo sho.

We wanted to get something to eat before the game started so we went ahead and wandered around for that. I got nachos and K got a hot dog and we planted ourselves in our seats for the rest of the night. I wasn't expecting that at all! The only sporting events I've really been to have been baseball games and you can totally wander around the stadium and not miss anything going on down on the field.

The stadium was pretty full although not entirely sold out. I have to say again that our seats were absolutely fantastic. There was stuff going on the whole night! Every time out brought out some kind of activity, be it some sort of contest or performance and it was just great. It was also cool just watching how the coaches handle time outs. The Spurs coaches walk out and chat and diagram things on a clipboard and then bring it back to the team.

K and I clapped and cheered and yelled and had a terrific time. And then the final minutes of the fourth quarter took our breath away. The air was electric even though it was just a regular season game. And the Spurs and 76ers were staying right with each other and then in the very last second of the game, Tony Parker scored two points and everyone in the stadium's arms went up in a cheer. Seriously. It was so much fun to be a part of!

So, I want to go to as many Spurs games as possible from here on out. I was looking forward to the game, but I had no idea I would have such a terrific evening! Either did my parents, quite honestly. They and my grandmother and great-grandfather were highly entertained by my telling of every detail of our evening. :)

Oh! And one of the coolest things that happened was super random. The Spurs Coyote was shooting t-shirts into the stands and there was a thing up on one of the screens that said to text "shirt" to a certain number to be entered to win. I got a text at the end of the game saying I won! So we went to a kiosk and printed up a little coupon and then back to where we had started from to actually pick up the shirt. AND! It's an orange Spurs shirt and fits! How perfect is all of that (since my favorite color is orange)?!

Best Christmas present that I've ever gotten from my parents. Pure fun, pure extravagence, pure giddiness. I told them they don't have to repeat it or try to top it but to just know I had a truly fantastic night. And it was awesome to get to share such a great time with my boyfriend like that. My parents really set us up well.

What was your favorite present and why?

movie review monday: seven pounds

I am going to make a much bigger effort to blog on a more regular basis because it has been brought to my attention that this is how people keep up to date on my life. For now, I'll start with the revival of Movie Review Monday!

Seven Pounds is rated PG-13 and currently in movie theaters. It stars Will Smith and Rosario Dawson and is truly fantastic. Make plans to see this as soon as possible!

The less you know before seeing it, the better. Basically though, it is difficult to tell whether Ben Thomas (Will Smith's character) has good or bad motives for treating the people he seeks out interactions with. The plot pieces all fit together in about the last half hour and the emotional roller coaster doesn't end until you finally fall sleep later that night. Even though the rating is PG-13, I wouldn't recommend this film for children or even young teens. There are heavy themes of death, regret, judgment, and sacrificial love. See it with someone you can talk about the whole movie with later. Or just call me!

This is my favorite time of the year to see movies, and my first winter selection did not disappoint!

Rating: 4 of 5 stars. Could possibly be bumped up to 5 if I see it again.