Sunday, January 25, 2009

i still have the headache, but everything else is calming down

K and I have been having a mildly rough time that exploded all over the place last weekend because of a big misunderstanding, but in a lot of ways I'm grateful for something happening that made us both stop and realize we WANT to be together. We aren't a couple because it's easier than breaking up and starting over with someone else, we aren't a couple because our families like us (as individuals and as a couple), we aren't a couple because neither one of us wants to move right now. We're a couple because we love each other and we have to take the time to acknowledge that daily, otherwise this isn't going to work.

A long time ago, my friend Tina and I went to this Bible study that I think I've mentioned before in here someplace because it was kind of an integral part of my life. It was kind of a weird time for both of us and especially to be in that particular group because the leader was one of the coolest and most lovely women I've ever known but everyone besides Tina and I were in a serious relationship. It was the summer of weddings. Tina and I often hung out after the group to take the lessons we could and reassure each other that not being about to get married was okay. At least, that's how I remember it. Heh.

For sure though, I do remember a lot of conversations that we had and things we talked about relationships and they help me out now so it wasn't a huge waste of time regardless of how frustrating it was at the time. The leader told us once that you shouldn't tell your mom when you are frustrated with your husband because she will hold on to the details of the situation much longer than you will. You will know all the ins and outs of your relationship and come to an understanding that you may or may not be able to explain to anyone else or things will otherwise end up being fine for the two of you. But your mom will see that you were hurting and hold on to that long after you may have even completely forgotten about whatever situation it was that you mentioned to her.

It is really hard to ask for advice about my relationship with K and get what I need because K and I are the only ones who have literally all of the details. Sometimes I forget that whoever I'm talking to doesn't know EVERYTHING about us. No one really does or can. That's how it is with everyone's relationships. I'm very lucky to have family and friends that support me and love me and will get angry for me and spring to action when I'm frozen in heartache. But ultimately, it is K and me who have to decide what is best for the two of us. Sometimes we will be able to explain it thoroughly to anyone who is willing to listen and it will make sense to everyone. Other times it just won't.

I love K in a way that I haven't ever loved anyone. He feels the same way about me. We have things to work on and there are going to be more things that come up as we continue going through life together. The biggest lesson I learned last weekend was I absolutely have to wait for the entire story. Things are not always what they seem. I think the biggest lesson he learned was he needs to be more forthcoming and specific. Together we decided that our love for each other is worth going through rough patches. We are making changes and growing and ironically our relationship has jumped forward on the serious path by leaps and bounds in the past few days.

I haven't made formal resolutions for the new year, but two things I've been mulling over are being more appreciative of where I'm at in life and what is going on and being more consistent in doing what I say I'm going to do. All of this with K has really helped me see how important these two are and if it's all I manage to conquer this year, I think I'd be in good shape. K will undoubtedly drive me crazy sometimes (as I will him) but I'm grateful for the place he has in my life. I want to be a loving, supportive, and appreciative girlfriend and I at least know how to start acting like all of that on a regular basis.

He's making changes too, don't think I've taken this all upon myself. It's just my blog so it's my thoughts. And that's all I've got for now!

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