Friday, January 23, 2009

i'm fighting really hard and i have to say, it's exhausting

Ani DiFranco has this song with the line "The heart is a muscle, and frankly, mine is sore." That's how I can sum up how I feel.

I quit my job at the end of December and have yet to find a new one even though I have two places I have had call back interviews to. I have twenty cents to my name until a new job or my tax refund comes in, whichever comes first. But yes, literally twenty cents. K and I had a major issue this weekend and I spent a few days at my parent's house to clear my head. We have covered the major issue and are okay but we are working on a bunch of the little things that come up here and there in a relationship. I have cramps like a mofo (but it's not actually period time) and feel like all of my energy is just draining out of me. Plus I am fat. I am out of shape to the point of feeling absolutely ridiculous about being in my yoga class even though I completely love it and know it is helping in small increments.

It seems like that how every single thing is. It's all coming together in very small increments but inbetween I am in miserable pain because my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been in years, if at all. But today, all I can feel is the pain. I have no idea what the results are going to look like and at the moment I am just completely exhausted.

No comments: