Monday, December 31, 2007

take a deep breath, it's not what you think

K gave me a ring for Christmas. Not an engagement ring, not a promise ring (for which I am thankful because I'm not really a fan of that whole deal), but a really lovely ring. It's too big and I don't really know exactly what finger to wear it on, but it is a really neat band with silver edging and kind of a mood stone. Not the kind I got out of vending machines when I was a kid with the little card saying what each color means, but a whole band that changes color throughout the day. I like looking at it to see what color it is. Sometimes it's a few colors at a time even. He said when he has more money he'll get me a better ring, but he wanted to get me something pretty for Christmas. I haven't talked about it much to many people because it seems misleading to just say "My boyfriend got me a ring for Christmas!" Saying he got me a piece of jewelery that is circular and fits well on my finger is just awkward.

We're in a good spot, K and me. Lately I've felt like I understand things a lot more. I understand how you love someone and take care of them and your love grows. I finally let go and found a way to open myself up to being taken care of by him and he hasn't let me down even a tiny bit. I see how relationships are strong and fragile at the same time. I feel how fantastic it is to wear a piece of jewelery and proudly explain that my boyfriend got it for me. I see that it is hard but good to do a bunch of little things that don't necessarily get acknowledged that warm his heart or maybe even just make it so his day goes more smoothly without him even knowing why.

I love him. Those are really powerful words but they don't say enough of what I think and feel. That's actually pretty wonderful.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

merry christmas!

I hope everyone had a great one! I really did. K and I spent a good amount of time with my family yesterday and then his family today. We both had to abandon previous years traditions, but I think it was well worth the sacrifice. I know I had a terrific time with him and both groups of people. I don't know how to do it without making it some sort of big deal, but I would really like at least my parents to meet his mom and his sisters. I think it would be kind of nice.

K has taken really good care of me all month. I was sick for literally two weeks which sucked the life out of my motivation as well. He took care of me while I was sick, but also in helping me get presents for his family and spending time with my family and being sweet to my niece and nephew. He's amazing and I love him more than ever.

It was nice being with my family this year. My parents upheld the traditions of lighting candles and listening to Silent Night before we opened presents. My dad read the Christmas story from the Bible and my niece explained to us what happened. She was really concerned though that she can't see Jesus and was wondering where He lives now.

I am very spoiled. I got some cool new cooking gadgets and some yoga stuff and I'm really looking forward to trying it all out very soon. If anyone has any crock pot recipes, please send them my way! K's sister gave me a cd I really wanted and had no idea when I'd be able to get. I need to burn her a copy and listen to it thoroughly soon.

All in all, it was a really terrific couple of days and I can't really think of any way that either day could have been better. My family is amazing, my boyfriend is incredible, and his family is so much fun that my head hurts a little from all the smiling. I'm going to go snuggle down into my bed and watch The West Wing. That's right, my all time favorite show now lives in my apartment. At least the first 22 episodes of it do anyway. :)

Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 7, 2007

five reasons why i love december

1. It is finally cold outisde. Theoretically at least. I do live in the place birds fly south for the winter.
2. Twinkle lights EVERYWHERE!
3. Christmas carols. I love Christmas music! The all Christmas music all the time radio station is my favorite.
4. Reasons to bake lots of stuff. I like baking and making things from scratch and December is the perfect excuse.
5. Stars everywhere! I love stars and December is when they all come out to shine, even more so than in July.

i'm not a baby, i'm actually really sick

I went to the doctor today. You know it's bad when you're patiently sitting in the lobby and the doctor comes out to look at something in the lobby and as she walks back to the exam room area you hear her say "Let's get her started, she looks really miserable."

I had a temp of 99 which is insane for me. I'm never even 98.6 so to actually be beyond that is like 104 for a normal person. Well, maybe not that far, but it is significant in my world.

My doctor listened to my symptoms and then looked in my ears and at my throat and listened to my lungs. Turns out I have a sinus infection, an ear infection, and chest congestion. I got two shots in the doctor's office! One of steroids and one of antibiotics. They went in my hips. Except when they say hips, they really mean butt. So one shot in each cheek. I've never had that done before and let me tell you that antibiotic shot was a bitch. I know that's a bad word and I try to avoid cussing in here, but it really truly was. The nurse warned me a bit before she did it, but I still was not prepared. The combination of the pain and the already feeling miserable just made me cry. I curled up on the exam table to wait for it to subside a little. My doctor gave me a little bag of samples to get me through today and some prescriptions to be filled later.

I sent texts to a few people to let them know what was going on and called work to let them know I wouldn't be in until Tuesday. This afternoon I was kind of dozing off and on and K called to see if I needed anything at the grocery store. I couldn't really think of anything. He said he was picking some stuff up anyway and would be by soon. My amazing boyfriend got me more Kleenex, tv dinners, orange juice, Vitamin Water (our new ridiculous addiction), applesauce, and a People magazine. He said he wanted me to be able to just stay in bed and relax. I'm so lucky to have such a sweet and generous guy! My mom said I don't need her anymore. That's just silly. You always need your mom. But it's pretty awesome to have a boyfriend like K.

I just went and got my prescriptions and some toilet paper and I am seriously wiped. I cannot believe how awful I feel! I am starting to feel a tiny bit better but I am surprised that the little bit of being out and about took so much out of me. Movie time here I come!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

cold induced rambling

Well, I'm not saying it's her fault exactly, but one of my coworkers came to work two days last week coughing and sniffing and with a very hoarse voice and now I am at home watching Kathy Griffin in my pajamas, coughing and sniffing and no one can hear me on the phone. She said she felt fine but just sounded awful which I think was basically crap, because I sound exactly like she did and I definitely do not feel fine. But one day in pajamas in bed will probably do me just fine.

I think the way the story goes is when my parents got married and they got their first Christmas tree, they realized they had no ornaments. So when I was born, they decided to get me an ornament every year. My grandparents did too and I have them all. My parents have done a very good job of getting me an ornament that had something to do with what happened that year. Not that the ones my grandparents are bad or anything. After all, my famous New Kids on the Block one came from them. Anyway though, I have all these fantastic ornaments but no place to put them. Last year I didn't even pull them out at all because it was such a strange Christmas. My mom and I went to California and she stayed until February and we never really had a full family Christmas celebration in San Antonio.

So this weekend I wanted to clean up my apartment and then get out the decorations because it was officialy December and Christmas season. I went to Target just to see if there was any creative and very cheap way to bring some Christmas cheer to my apartment and oh my gosh, there totally was. I bought a 3 foot fake Christmas tree and it turns out it is the perfect size for a strand of lights and my ornaments! I love it. It looks like me. There's stars all over it and ballet slippers and a volley ball player and Starbucks cups and ones that say Melissa. It's great!

But it's also strange. There's no room on that tree for K's ornaments. I don't know that he has any, but if he did, it would be difficult to fit them in and have a balanced tree. I don't know how I feel about that. I have my own apartment that I work my ass off to pay for myself and I take my own trash out. I pay my bills and sometimes my parents bail me out but it mostly has to do with unexpected ridiculous medical expenses like when they tell me my heart my explode unless I take some crazy costly pills. I am a strong and independant woman. Even so though, I have to say that last night when K came over with some groceries because he knows I have no money this week and wanted to make sure there was a little variety in my fridge and he got turkey sausage and multigrain waffles, it made me ridiculously happy and warm inside.

The holidays are weird when you're in a fairly serious relationship but it's not THAT serious (yet?) because you have to make all kinds of decisions about whose family you're going to be with when and who you should buy presents for and whose traditions do you follow more or are you at the point where you can start your own? Do you have the boyfriend in the family Christmas card picture your parents are sending out? How do you enjoy your independant Christmas tree and not feel guilty that your amazing boyfriend is nowhere on it?

So that's just what I was thinking about inbetween blowing my nose and breathing though my mouth and wishing there was something good on tv.