Wednesday, March 10, 2010

humpday happiness!

Some things making me happy from the past week...

...getting my eyebrows waxed with my sister!
...Jamba Juice
...a nice baby shower thrown by my mother-in-law
...watching my swollen feet go down just by putting my feet up
...using the crap out of our Blockbuster Online account
...having two tuners for the tv in our bedroom which means we can record one thing and watch something else AT THE SAME TIME
...finally starting to feel better from this blasted cold I got over the weekend nieces and nephew in general oldest niece, upon finding out about my impending c-section, saying "So you're going to have surgery to make you straight again like me?" while gesturing to her stomach nephew helping take care of tissue paper during the baby shower, including removing it from a gift bag before I even had a chance to look inside youngest niece waving her arms at me in delight--she's the most stoic baby I've ever even heard of so this is a pretty big deal
...the new nicknames of "Melris" and "Kilissa" for Baby C. Why didn't any of us think of those MONTHS ago?!
...figuring every day that I still don't have the baby, the cheeks may be getting a tiny bit chubbier which means there's extra room for all the kisses everyone will want to give (but no pinching! I HATED that as a kid!)
...drinking a Shirley Temple or a Cherry Limeaid
...egg salad
...the Pretty and the Plain cd by JJ Heller
...having the stroller all put together and realizing how easy it is to snap the carrier in and out of the car seat base and stroller
...arming myself with helpful information about c-sections
...having a tentative baby debut day!
...feeling like I knew my baby was okay and then finding out s/he really was
...sourdough bread
...the way my husband tells me he loves me two or three times each time he calls me
...the Words with Friends game on my iPhone, especially since I am regularly playing my aunt, mom, and sister. The only drawback is you can't trash talk as well
...being able to fling myself forward with no or little help from laying on my back and how everyone is impressed every time I do it pineapple juice

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

love is not a victory march

Kind of towards the beginning of my pregnancy, I had this day at work where I started crying and I couldn't stop. I couldn't say why it started and every time I tried to figure it out the tears would just come harder. I stayed at work for several miserable hours before finally leaving early and I went to see my OB. She asked me some questions about how I was eating and sleeping and whatnot and then took my hand and said that it as a pregnant woman it was perfectly acceptable to just lose my shit sometimes. There was a lot more to that conversation, but that was when I really knew I had chosen the right OB.

It has been roughly 32 or 33 weeks of at least one doctor appointment a week, if not more than that. I know which veins I prefer anyone to try to draw blood from and which ones I will flatly refuse to allow be tried. I am an expert at peeing in a cup, both in aim and being able to do so just about on demand. I take my blood pressure at least three times a day at home, gave up all of my known allergy cures, eat pretty healthy foods, cut way back on caffeine, and watched my center of gravity change before my very eyes.

Have you ever had to do a 24 hour urine collection? You get a big jug and you literally pour all of your urine over a 24 hour period into the jug. Even better, you need to keep it cool so that bacteria doesn't grow so that means either a spot in the fridge or some sort of ice chest or bucket for it to hang out in. It's necessary to see how much protein is in your urine and can be indicative of preeclampsia during pregnancy.

I turned in my fourth 24 hour urine collection today, as per directions from one of the offices I go to. The other office called me and said they dumped it because I hadn't done it during the right chunk of 24 hours. I got conflicting directions and basically it doesn't really matter because I have to do it over again.

Well friends, I lost my shit again today.

I understand they need the numbers to make sure I'm doing okay. A lot of the signs of preeclampsia are not things you can just see. I don't understand it all exactly but what I do get is it's important for my health and the baby's health to take all of this very seriously. All of the labs and monitoring and poking and prodding is not just to torture me and the results that have come back this whole time have been pretty good overall. I can't even express how much I love my baby and how I already feel like a piece of my heart is just exposed to the world. So it's not that any of this isn't worth it. But I am tired.

I am tired of the appointments and arguing over scheduling the next round. I am tired of waddling my way to two appointments a week. I am tired of not driving myself and feeling like I am sucking the life out of whoever (mainly my mom) has generously driven me that day. I am tired of staying inside at home but also know that going anywhere for too long completely drains any energy reserves. I am tired of people saying I will miss being pregnant because even if that's true there is no way I will be able to see it for several more months.

It was completely unreasonable for me to cry at home and then continue crying the entire drive back to the doctor's office to get a new jug. I have a maximum of one week left. I can do this. I want to do this because I can hardly wait to meet my little one. And with the timing, I'm going to be in the area of the lab anyway so who cares if I have to stop there to drop it off. I was just looking forward to a day of no appointments and no health stuff. Wednesday was my day this week to finish up the baby's room and spend some time with my husband and not be tied up with anything else. I kind of get to do that anyway, I just have to stick close to home so I can be sure to collect everything I need. And maybe convince my husband to rub my back until I fall asleep at some point in the day.

The tears that spilled down my face were a culmination of things. All the doctor appointments, the discomfort of the last few weeks, the desire to get things done paired with a ridiculous lack of energy, the well meaning (mostly) people asking if we're ready, the cold I currently have... I guess sometimes the stress in my life just has to come out through my tear ducts.

I guess tomorrow is still kind of a day off. Then Thursday will be another non-stress test and then an ultrasound and a consult with the perinatologist. And the Thursday after that, Baby C will be here and I will have a completely new set of things to learn and handle and conquer. I can do it because I don't have to do it by myself.

Monday, March 8, 2010

baby don't you cry, baby don't you cry, gonna bake a pie with a heart in the middle

Today was a little bit of an adventure.

I had an appointment with my OB this morning at 10:30. It was for a non-stress test where I sit in a recliner and have a monitor strapped to my belly and a print out shows the baby's heart rate. I also hold a little clicker that looks like a Jeopardy button and press it every time I feel the baby move. I've had like ten of these between my OB's office and the perinatologist's office. The doctor needs to see a certain number of heartbeat accelerations for a certain amount of time to know the baby is doing well.

My child is quasi-cooperative during things like this. The baby moves like gangbusters at odd hours of the night. The offices are not open during odd hours of the night which is really a shame sometimes. Mostly the appointments have been fine but sometimes take a really long time because the baby is clearly moving but the heartrate hasn't accelerated enough or whatever. At the perinatologist's office, they follow up with an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid levels, to see a certain number of wiggles, and to check if the baby is making practice breathing movements.

One day at the perinatologist's office I had to lie in the recliner on my side and then switch and hold the monitor and it still wasn't quite enough. Then during the ultrasound, the baby was just sleeping and not doing the breathing motions and the technician had to watch for a certain amount of time to satisfy the requirements. I had to lay on my back, then my side, then my other side and by the time I switched the third time, I just started crying. I just couldn't keep it together anymore. It's a strange thing to not be worried about the baby exactly but to have to be so uncomfortable trying to prove to everyone else that the baby is okay.

So this morning, my mom drove me and we settled in, and everything was fine. Except I ended up on the monitor for two hours with no accelerations. My OB is amazing and straightforward and told me she was confident the baby was just fine but we needed an ultrasound to quantify it. She arranged for me to be fit in at the perinatologist's office because it would be a much faster way to go about getting the information she needed than going to the hospital. We talked about labor signs and she checked my cervix and the baby's position. She decided to schedule a tentative date for my c-section, barring no major changes.

My mom and I drove through Chick-Fil-A and then went to the perinatologist's office. I'm going to skip the whole part about how ridiculous the front desk people are because that's going in an email to the office manager after the baby is born. Heh.

I got on the table for the ultrasound and the baby wiggled a little bit and had a strong steady heartbeat and good breathing motions. And then refused to move any more. The technician jostled my belly quite a bit and the baby just continued to hang out. S/he is definitely still transverse (laying horizontally across my belly) so the c-section is definitely going to be the way I deliver. My mom and I got to watch Baby C on the monitor for twenty minutes or so while s/he didn't move much at all. After some measurements and print outs, the technician took all the newly gathered information to the doctor. Then we got the okay to just go home (after a quick stop to tell Ki in person that everything was just fine)!

I have another appointment on Thursday that will be a non-stress test and then an ultrasound to check on the baby's growth. Barring any major changes, the baby will be here by the end of next week!

Oh, I almost forgot the best part about the whole day!

My mom was driving us back home, almost five hours after my original appointment. We stopped by Ki's store so I could talk to him in person for a quick minute. At a stop light no less than twenty minutes after the ultrasound, the baby was moving so much we could both literally watch THROUGH TWO LAYERS OF CLOTHING. And as a matter of fact, the baby is moving like gangbusters right now. I am really excited to meet this child and see if all of this is indicative of his or her personality or it's just all a bunch of random happenstance for the doctor appointments.

Friday, March 5, 2010

seven quick takes

It's a quick take Friday!

1. Since lately my biggest decision of the day is what to eat, I am so bored with food. Me. Seriously. I can't think of things that sound like they'd be amazing to eat or a meal that I am looking forward to eating. I eat and I'm still eating pretty healthy good but I can't tell you any other time in my life that I've been so uninterested in food. For real, I usually LOVE food. Like a ridiculous amount. I figure as long as I'm still getting hungry and eating well balanced meals it doesn't matter a huge amount but it's kind of weird.

2. Earlier this week I felt unkempt and gross. I am still supposed to be bedresting and also definitely don't have money for a spa day but let me tell you that a long HOT shower that involved shaving my legs did me a world of good. I used a scrub on my heels and washed my hair and it was just ridiculously fantastic. I'm not sure if it's cool or a little lame that a shower can provide a healthy dose of "me time." Heh, whatever works!

3. I made it to 37 weeks before my fingers got too swollen for me to be able to wear my wedding ring. I miss it. Not too much longer before I can put it back in, I don't think.

4. I've got my mind wrapped around having a c-section as much as I think I can. There's clean baby clothes and blankets and whatnot. We have a place for the baby to sleep and Ki is taking three weeks off that can start immediately with my hospital admission. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. We've made it to 37 weeks which is technically a full-term baby. Any day now... I would love to have it on the calendar. All I know is that I won't be carrying to term, so in the next two weeks we'll officially be a family of three!

5. I haven't decided if I need to make a separate blog for baby stuff. I am kind of leaning towards no because I am afraid this blog will just die if I do that. To be determined, I suppose.

6. I LOVE SPARKLING WATER. It is hands down my favorite drink right now. I could easily drink my 64 ounces of water a day in sparkling form and be a happy girl about it. I just wish it was cheaper somehow. Shouldn't it be cheaper than soda because there's no flavor or even sodium?

7. My youngest niece is absolutely fascinating to me. She is almost nine months old and a tiny little thing who I really think has a running commentary in her head, with real words and everything. Today my sister and I were telling her she needs to start trying to say "Auntie" and I swear she put her fingers in her mouth and then said it. I think she will conquer small countries when she grows up.