Sunday, April 20, 2008

10 things I thought about last week

1. I am getting burnt out at work and therefore need to take a couple of weeks that I only work 40 hours. I'm not quite sure when that will happen exactly, but I think Monday is a good day to sit down and talk to my boss about putting it on the calendar.

2. Apartment hunting is a huge pain in the ass. First of all, you have to find places to go look at. Then you need to figure out if it's worth your time to actually go to the complex and walk around and whatnot. Sometimes when you call, you find out the office people work on commission because you can't get them to give you a straight answer on whether or not the size apartment you want is available and they suggest coming in within the hour to make sure their "last one until July" is snatched up.

3. I think I have a place to move into now though. I'll know for sure in a couple of days and I'm not super worried but I sure would like it to be for reals so I can stop looking through the little books and at web sites and making phone calls. Also I need a good solid motivating factor to pack and go through my crap to make sure I really want to take it with me. Any input on living on the first floor vs the third floor is greatly appreciated!

4. There is no proper way to try to explain to your boyfriend why working 50 hours a week is so different than working 35 hours a week without sounding like a self-important or self-absorbed jerk.

5. My legs hurt like a mofo earlier this week and my back is killing me this weekend. I think ordering new work shoes online was the smart thing to do. Hopefully they make a marked difference quickly because I can't think of anything else to fix the problem. I would like to avoid taking various pain killer medicines every day if at all possible.

6. I feel as though I am perpetually grumpy.

7. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for not really wanting to do stuff with people from work on the weekends based mostly on the fact that I just want a freaking break from that place on the two days I don't get paid to care about what happens at the hospital. The work weeks have been rough for the last few months and I don't want to talk about it at all on Saturday and Sunday because I HAVE to talk about it Monday through Friday. But some of the people I work with are really lovely and I feel like I'm missing out by not hanging out with them when they invite me. I don't know.

8. It's Fiesta time in San Antonio. I don't really know anything about it.

9. My family is a really great group of people. Even the extended members that sometimes frustrate me because I don't understand where they are coming from and they don't understand where I am coming from either make me feel lucky to be a part of my family.

10. As soon as I can do it without sacrificing groceries or gas for it, I'm ordering some sort of acne dissappearing kit and the good kind of makeup from Sephora. And maybe some Philosophy bodywash/bubble bath. I am at the beginning stages of desperately needing to feel like a pretty and moderately pampered girl again.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

wednesday wonders

Happy things!

...going to the gym after work. It's late and maybe a little scary walking back out into the parking lot, but it feels so great to sweat off stress and frustration and get my heart in a tiny bit better shape. The new plan is three times a week no matter what! So far, so good. :) tonics. My new favorite drink when I am in a drink having mood. boxes from Starbucks and the hospital.
...getting pretty close to knowing where I'm going to move to.
...dinner with K and my parents on Sunday night. The Thai food was delicious. How can you not love coconut milk curry?
...going to leave from dinner with K and my parents and then standing in the parking lot talking for another half hour. It is fantastic that my boyfriend is so comfortable around my family.
...having WW points at the end of the day after coming home from work and being able to have a nice little snack before bedtime. I feel like this is a habit I need to break at some point but right now as long as I'm within my points I think it's alright.
...eating ridiculous amounts of fruit. Do you know how delicious an orange is when you keep it in the fridge? It's fantastic. And if you haven't sliced the top off a kiwi and scooped it out with a spoon any time recently, go to the grocery store immediately.
...feeling more confident as a nurses's aide.
...laughing cow reduced fat spreadable cheese. I freaking love that stuff. And I love all the flavors. And I love that the last three times I've bought it I've had a coupon.
...I hate the circumstances, but I am ridiculously happy my dear friend Splenda is moving back to San Antonio in a month or so. It's going to be so kickass!
...good paychecks.
...making out with K.
...K calling me at work to tell me he misses me and he is getting kind of grumpy because he hasn't seen me in a few days. I'm sorry he's a grouch but I like knowing how much he loves me.
...air conditioning.

Monday, April 7, 2008


K and I will have been dating for two years next month and I would like to celebrate. Money is somewhat tight and I'll be moving right around our anniversary as well. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on something for us to do. So far we've thought of staying someplace for one or two nights or going out to dinner at a restaurant we don't normally go to. Any specific ideas of places or restaurants would be much appreciated, but also any vague ideas anyone has would help too.

So what have you done for anniversaries? It doesn't have to be a super serious solemn event. But we figure two years is worth marking somehow. :)

weight watchers week 3 (again)

This week was not the phenomenon last week was but I think that's probably to be expected. No stars for me today! I lost .2 pounds. It's still a loss, so that's good. But I'm a little bummed.

But I know where things went wrong. Weekdays are always easier than the weekends because I don't eat much before or after work and it's been fairly easy to bring my own food and only eat that while I'm there. The weekends are where it gets tricky because I have a lot more free time on my hands and I have a boyfriend who is much more interested in fast food than healthy home cooking. It's not his fault, don't get me wrong. But I need to be a little stronger and more intentional with weekend eating. And also with not eating before going to weigh in on Monday morning.

Last week I ate a lot more frozen meals. I don't think that's necessarily bad, but I think it was easier to stay on top of things by not eating so many frozen meals. When I'm thinking more about what I'm eating and taking more time to plan out my day, it goes a little smoother. I think anyway.

We'll see this week!

As of week three: -9.2 pounds.

Sunday, April 6, 2008


Last week was particularly difficult for me at work. I feel like that's all I say when I talk about work and that it's been that way since sometime in December. We've been really busy and I've been feeling crushed on both sides. The hospital is full so beds aren't being assigned and then administrators are coming by and asking us to do things I'm sure they feel are simple but they just are not. Patients and family members are worried and nervous and not in the best of moods or very understanding when it comes to not getting the answers they would like. Doctors are frustrated because they aren't getting satisfying answers as to why their patients have to wait for a bed. And then finally, I absolutely know they don't mean it, but the nurses I work with dump on me as much as everyone else sometimes.

One of the nurses is someone I always enjoy talking to because she has a way of either making me laugh at myself or helping me understand the bigger picture without being condescending. I like talking to her about everything really and she's shown me the most about my job by far too. I told her on Thursday that I had just had it. I was sick of being talked to like I'm an idiot or like I'm someone intentionally trying to piss doctors off. I'm sick of people expecting me to pull things out of my ass for them to do their job when they are the ones who forgot whatever it is they need in the first place. I'm sick of getting dumped on by everyone, whether they mean it or not. She just laughed and said I shouldn't care so much. I know. I do. There are times when it doesn't bother me at all. I can let it slide off my back and barely give it another thought. There wasn't any one thing that was such a ridiculous event during the entire week that it wrecked everything. Rather, it was the culmination of events. It was the mulitple comments and complaints, the irritation I fielded, the general piss poor attitudes of those around me.

I am finding myself slipping into a mode where I expect everyone to realize I am a person with genuine feelings and emotions and unfortuantely I feel that as a secretary that is really dangerous. It's not going to happen. For good or bad, most of the time I am the voice on the other end of the phone and I am the body that sits in the chair that is supposed to know everything about anything happening in the unit and most of the rest of the hospital. It has nothing to do with 27 year old Melissa who dreams of a degree in psychology, being married and having babies, and living in a place where it snows in the winter.

On the flip side of that though, I need to realize that the angry doctor in front of me could be angry because one of his favorite patients died yesterday and he couldn't do anything to stop it. The nurse delegating everything she possibly can to me might be having a hard time concentrating because something happend with her kids that morning and she wants to make sure the patients don't feel the reprecussions of it. I don't really think everyone is being bitchy just because they feel like it so I need to stop acting like everything is personal.

Easier said than done.

But I finally feel like the rest of my life is going pretty well again and maybe that can carry me through rough days at work. I'm losing weight and feeling really good about it, money is going pretty well, I get to pick another apartment to live in and go through all my stuff and par down and that's always good, and no matter what happens during the week I get to spend most of the weekend with the love of my life and not much else makes me happier than that.