Saturday, August 22, 2009


I know this is going to sound weird since I do have my own blog, but I would say I'm basically a private person. I will pretty much answer any question you have, but I don't necessarily volunteer all of my information to everyone. I've always been this way. It's been the root of countless fights with my mom. Her process is to talk to my grandmother and my aunt (her sister) about most everything and it drove me crazy as a pre-teen and beyond. I wasn't one of those girls dying for her period so when that day came and my grandmother ambushed me with a proud hug, I was mortified.

I have a blog because I have had such a random life that has taken me to so many places that it's easier to post updates about what I really want to share with whoever wants to read it and let them peruse my thoughts as they have time. Once upon a time I used to send out an email update. I suppose all of this is kind of egocentric, but somehow satisfying and seemingly wanted by at least a small group of people.

The other thing I know about myself is I don't really like it when people decide things for me. Sometimes it's okay, but I like to take part in the decision making. If K were to plan an evening out or a weekend trip, that would be fine. But if he were to tell me how I should get ready in the morning or decide how we were doing all of the holidays with our families without really talking to me about it, I wouldn't be very happy. I don't think it's that I need to be in control of everything all the time, but I like to take part in decision making. I am a strong woman and need my voice to be heard. If I'm deciding with a group of friends where we are going to eat and we don't go to my first choice, that's fine as long as I got to take part in the discussion. I hope this makes sense. And also that it's accurate. Heh.

I've been thinking about these things lately because I've noticed I've definitely entered a new phase in my life. When K and I decided to get married, I apparently opened a door to my life that somehow invites everyone and anyone to give me instructions on what to do, how to do it, and when it needs to be done. Some of it is actually helpful. I am learning how to accept nuggets and then decide whether they are nuggets of wisdom or just nuggets of words. It's hard sometimes. Just about everything is done with wedding plans and we are pretty much just crossing days off the calendar at this point. But this hasn't stopped anyone from interjecting their two cents.

This is very difficult for me when it's in situations like work. Friends and family who offer unsolicited advice often have my personality and wishes in mind and are genuinely trying to help. People from work barely know me and therefore have no clue what really would be fantastic to me or to me and my hubby to be. Expressions of mild disdain for such a quick and small wedding and not having a sparkly engagement ring just annoy me because they have no idea who I am at my core or how perfect September 18th will be for me and K.

I kind of figure this is only the beginning. K and I are entering into a phase where random people will helpfully decide when we should have kids and how we should raise them. I am so glad I'm moving into this along side K and that I'm 29. I can handle situations that are not pleasant to me with a lot more grace now than I could a few years ago. I'll always be learning and battling my instinct that I know what I'm doing and couldn't possibly glean anything from a person I barely know. Hopefully it will get easier.

I'll continue blogging... And don't shy away from telling me what you think, but understand if I try a different way sometimes that's just my own stubbornness shining through. I'm not to proud to admit that my way is not always the best way and I'll go through the catalog of my mind and pull out that piece of wisdom you shared. I just might not say anything about it right away. :)