Today, as I was leaving my regular baby-sitting gig, S started to throw a fit. He didn't get a nap today and had just found a basketball that I had to take away from him so we could get out the door. I picked him up and told him we had to go and just held him as he struggled against me and cried. The mom of the kids I watched said, "You are the most patient mother I have ever seen."
That is one of my most favorite compliments. I try really hard. And there are days when I don't have the most patience because instead of just one fit, like today, there are ten.
I really try to treat S like a whole person and not some little toy version of me and my husband. He was born with a distinct personality and I try to respect that because that's the thing I want most from others. I'm still in charge. But it doesn't do much to yell at someone who is already crying that they need to stop crying. Sometimes he needs to cry. But he can cry while we're still getting ready to go.
And at the end of the day when I kiss his velvet cheeks as many times as he'll let me and he blows kisses to me as I walk out of his room, he's adorable enough that my patience and my love gets restocked and ready for the next day.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Humpday Happiness!
Some things making me happy these days...
...Twitter! Follow me at @meljamc
...my parents have a pool and let me use it all the time!
...my sister will be here on SATURDAY!
...baby-sitting--being able to just take Samson with me while I make some cash is fantastic
...feeling the little flutters of Baby C-2 moving around
...watching Pixar movies with my son-his delight is my extra delight in watching movies
...my husband's quick sense of humor and ability to keep a straight face
...cicadas
...sparkling water with lime
...Twitter! Follow me at @meljamc
...my parents have a pool and let me use it all the time!
...my sister will be here on SATURDAY!
...baby-sitting--being able to just take Samson with me while I make some cash is fantastic
...feeling the little flutters of Baby C-2 moving around
...watching Pixar movies with my son-his delight is my extra delight in watching movies
...my husband's quick sense of humor and ability to keep a straight face
...cicadas
...sparkling water with lime
Friday, June 15, 2012
it's been awhile
Every time I see the phrase, "It's been awhile," I always immediately think of that song by Staind and the video starts playing in my mind. Every time. Then I think about the time of my life that the song was super popular and it's a trippy little moment. 2008, maybe? Ugh. What an awkward time in my life. Most of the main players are no longer in the picture and I think it's better that way. Which, in 2008, I would have insisted would NEVER be the case.
Anyway,
It's been awhile. I'm pregnant with baby number two while baby number one is a toddler and I basically think that is an awful idea. I love baby number one to pieces and I am thrilled to be expecting number two and am excited for our family, but toddlers are exhausting by themselves without adding the whole growing another human inside thing. But, I just hit thirteen weeks and it's like a switch got flipped. I have more energy and don't feel so crazy. I'm still a little nauseous but nothing like just a few weeks ago.
I've been doing a lot of work for a not-for-profit and it's making me itch to write again, for an audience, on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with S, I wished there was a book that was real about pregnancy and had some stuff about high-risk pregnancies too and decided I just needed to write one myself. I haven't done it. I'd like to now, so I can write another book about being pregnant again and how weird it is to feel like you should know everything that's going to happen but you kind of don't at the same time. I need to just start writing.
The thing that I've been thinking about though is that there are two stories that can be told from the same exact time period of my life. One is all the crazy stuff that can happen that is considered normal but no one talks about (like that finding maternity pants with pockets is harder than you'd think) and also talking my high-risk pregnancy experience. The second is a completely autobiographical take that includes some very negative things that family members said, having to move in with my parents because I lost my job and we were very newly married and had no savings, and how I yelled at one lab tech and she refused to come back to draw my blood after that. That one is probably the more captivating thing to write but has the potential for some serious fall-out.
So, we'll see!
Anyway,
It's been awhile. I'm pregnant with baby number two while baby number one is a toddler and I basically think that is an awful idea. I love baby number one to pieces and I am thrilled to be expecting number two and am excited for our family, but toddlers are exhausting by themselves without adding the whole growing another human inside thing. But, I just hit thirteen weeks and it's like a switch got flipped. I have more energy and don't feel so crazy. I'm still a little nauseous but nothing like just a few weeks ago.
I've been doing a lot of work for a not-for-profit and it's making me itch to write again, for an audience, on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with S, I wished there was a book that was real about pregnancy and had some stuff about high-risk pregnancies too and decided I just needed to write one myself. I haven't done it. I'd like to now, so I can write another book about being pregnant again and how weird it is to feel like you should know everything that's going to happen but you kind of don't at the same time. I need to just start writing.
The thing that I've been thinking about though is that there are two stories that can be told from the same exact time period of my life. One is all the crazy stuff that can happen that is considered normal but no one talks about (like that finding maternity pants with pockets is harder than you'd think) and also talking my high-risk pregnancy experience. The second is a completely autobiographical take that includes some very negative things that family members said, having to move in with my parents because I lost my job and we were very newly married and had no savings, and how I yelled at one lab tech and she refused to come back to draw my blood after that. That one is probably the more captivating thing to write but has the potential for some serious fall-out.
So, we'll see!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
we're strange allies with warring hearts
My son is stubborn.
This is not a shocking fact as I myself am quite stubborn. I am also very independent and have often felt like I just need to take care of everything myself. It is not a comment on anyone else as much as it is on me. My husband will quietly take care of something for me and it still catches me off guard more often than not.
S and I are doing swim lessons. It's a fantastic set-up and I'm so glad for both of us to be learning. It is going to make hanging out in my parents' new pool much more relaxing for me knowing that he has some respect for water and understanding of how to be in it. However, the lesson time is literally thirty minutes every week when I feel like a sucky mom. S doesn't want to do any of the stuff when it's time to do it. He won't blow bubbles in the water. He freaks out when I am helping him learn how to do a back float. The one thing he will actually do is the spider crawl along the wall because it leads to a slide that he goes down. And he will glide under water from the slide and be super excited about it. He also likes the part where he jumps in and goes under water, but there's a little song we sing and he sits on the edge with his shoulders slumped while all the other little kids are making the fishy motions. Such a little stinker.
I have been naming his body parts since I started dressing and bathing him. He has never seemed like he was listening, much less actually caring about what I was saying. Then all of the sudden tonight, he knew them all! He showed me his head, eyes, nose, mouth, shoulders, chest, arms, legs, hands, and feet. The best part was the whole time he was looking at me like, "Duh, Mom, of course I know where that is!"
That kid is something else. And I love him to pieces!
This is not a shocking fact as I myself am quite stubborn. I am also very independent and have often felt like I just need to take care of everything myself. It is not a comment on anyone else as much as it is on me. My husband will quietly take care of something for me and it still catches me off guard more often than not.
S and I are doing swim lessons. It's a fantastic set-up and I'm so glad for both of us to be learning. It is going to make hanging out in my parents' new pool much more relaxing for me knowing that he has some respect for water and understanding of how to be in it. However, the lesson time is literally thirty minutes every week when I feel like a sucky mom. S doesn't want to do any of the stuff when it's time to do it. He won't blow bubbles in the water. He freaks out when I am helping him learn how to do a back float. The one thing he will actually do is the spider crawl along the wall because it leads to a slide that he goes down. And he will glide under water from the slide and be super excited about it. He also likes the part where he jumps in and goes under water, but there's a little song we sing and he sits on the edge with his shoulders slumped while all the other little kids are making the fishy motions. Such a little stinker.
I have been naming his body parts since I started dressing and bathing him. He has never seemed like he was listening, much less actually caring about what I was saying. Then all of the sudden tonight, he knew them all! He showed me his head, eyes, nose, mouth, shoulders, chest, arms, legs, hands, and feet. The best part was the whole time he was looking at me like, "Duh, Mom, of course I know where that is!"
That kid is something else. And I love him to pieces!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Yesterday, as we were driving home from our son's little birthday party, I asked K how old he was again. He looked at me strangely and said he was 33. I told him I kind of knew that but every so often I have to stop and think about how old each of us are. After I turned 25, I stopped keeping such arduous track. I love my birthday and have no problem getting older, but I think sometimes I think of us as the ages we were when we first met. I was 25 and he was 27. And now we are 31 and 33 and we will have a two year old son tomorrow.
Friday, March 9, 2012
...
Having a toddler is completely insane. Or he is insane. Or maybe I am. I'm not really sure anymore.
A trip to the grocery store is a freaking nightmare of wrestling a 31 pound kid amongst nasty stares from strangers as I leave with half or less of my list in my cart.
I am forever tripping over various blocks and toy cars. My car has a hodgepodge of mismatched socks, crayons, and goldfish crackers.
But then at night as we get ready for bed time for babies, he is the sweetest and most loving little guy I've ever seen. He's not always excited to go to bed, but he will walk to his room most of the time (albeit with slumped shoulders sometimes) and then blow me at least five kisses as I tell him I love him and to have sweet dreams.
And that sweetness goes a long way in me being able to go to bed knowing it's going to start all over again tomorrow.
I am so tired but I wouldn't trade this motherhood thing or my crazy son for anything in the world.
A trip to the grocery store is a freaking nightmare of wrestling a 31 pound kid amongst nasty stares from strangers as I leave with half or less of my list in my cart.
I am forever tripping over various blocks and toy cars. My car has a hodgepodge of mismatched socks, crayons, and goldfish crackers.
But then at night as we get ready for bed time for babies, he is the sweetest and most loving little guy I've ever seen. He's not always excited to go to bed, but he will walk to his room most of the time (albeit with slumped shoulders sometimes) and then blow me at least five kisses as I tell him I love him and to have sweet dreams.
And that sweetness goes a long way in me being able to go to bed knowing it's going to start all over again tomorrow.
I am so tired but I wouldn't trade this motherhood thing or my crazy son for anything in the world.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
wednesday wonderfulness and stuff and glitter
Here's a list of things making me happy this week, dedicated to the fabulous Splenda.
...sparkling water. Always and forever.
...my cute new hair cut being even more awesome when I style it myself.
...Samson's manic hand-waving and shouts of "Byeeeee!" to every car that moves that he sees.
...homemade pumpkin bread. YUMMO!
...The Soup.
...homemade soup!
...having a stocked fridge of plenty of veggies and sparkling water.
...my step study group.
...plans this weekend for brunch!
...the way my mother-in-law dresses bottles of beer. I just can't do it the same!
...the way my fantastic husband will rub my back for me every night.
...Top Chef Texas!
...refocusing and repurposing Band of Mothers.
...previews of The Hunger Games on tv now!
...realizing I don't feel so lost or overwhelmed as a mom anymore.
...having central air to suck out the mugginess (kind of) in my house.
...Mommy and Me swim lessons
...my husband thinks I'm hot.
...livetweeting church!
...sparkling water. Always and forever.
...my cute new hair cut being even more awesome when I style it myself.
...Samson's manic hand-waving and shouts of "Byeeeee!" to every car that moves that he sees.
...homemade pumpkin bread. YUMMO!
...The Soup.
...homemade soup!
...having a stocked fridge of plenty of veggies and sparkling water.
...my step study group.
...plans this weekend for brunch!
...the way my mother-in-law dresses bottles of beer. I just can't do it the same!
...the way my fantastic husband will rub my back for me every night.
...Top Chef Texas!
...refocusing and repurposing Band of Mothers.
...previews of The Hunger Games on tv now!
...realizing I don't feel so lost or overwhelmed as a mom anymore.
...having central air to suck out the mugginess (kind of) in my house.
...Mommy and Me swim lessons
...my husband thinks I'm hot.
...livetweeting church!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
these hands are small i know, but they're not yours, they are my own
hearing: the dishwasher running. finally
seeing: a slightly messy living room complete with a pile of uncapped markers because Samson wanted to sleep with the caps
tasting: the last homemade frozen burrito. yummo
smelling: a light lemon-y scent from just having cleaned the kitchen
feeling: the smooth keys of my laptop and an achey back
contemplating: taking a nap instead of folding clothes
contemplating: finding a job and daycare for the little guy. sigh.
imagining: a spotless house. a car that is my friend rather than a terse acquaintance. a freezer full of homemade goodness.
seeing: a slightly messy living room complete with a pile of uncapped markers because Samson wanted to sleep with the caps
tasting: the last homemade frozen burrito. yummo
smelling: a light lemon-y scent from just having cleaned the kitchen
feeling: the smooth keys of my laptop and an achey back
contemplating: taking a nap instead of folding clothes
contemplating: finding a job and daycare for the little guy. sigh.
imagining: a spotless house. a car that is my friend rather than a terse acquaintance. a freezer full of homemade goodness.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
this has gotta be the good life, this could really be a good life, good life
I feel like kind of a rock star tonight.
Yesterday, my sponsor in my spiritual recovery process came over and helped me through another section of my inventory. We talked for awhile just about random crap and she had a lot of very nice and encouraging things to say. This evening I had a little meeting with some Band of Mothers mamas and we worked on refocusing our efforts and I got a little peptalk and random encouragement there too. I came home and my son was delighted to see me and my husband gave me a hearty kiss.
My house is kind of a disaster and the fridge really needs to be cleaned out and there is a small mountain of clean clothes that need to be folded. The front yard needs some love and we won't even discuss the condition of the back yard.
But tonight, I feel content, happy, and loved. God has been doing a big work in my and my family's lives and things are starting to come together in a fantastic way. I feel important and significant in the way you can only when realize you're in the middle of a very big God's hands and He has you right where you are supposed to be.
Plus, I'm totally going to make out with my husband in a hot minute.
Yesterday, my sponsor in my spiritual recovery process came over and helped me through another section of my inventory. We talked for awhile just about random crap and she had a lot of very nice and encouraging things to say. This evening I had a little meeting with some Band of Mothers mamas and we worked on refocusing our efforts and I got a little peptalk and random encouragement there too. I came home and my son was delighted to see me and my husband gave me a hearty kiss.
My house is kind of a disaster and the fridge really needs to be cleaned out and there is a small mountain of clean clothes that need to be folded. The front yard needs some love and we won't even discuss the condition of the back yard.
But tonight, I feel content, happy, and loved. God has been doing a big work in my and my family's lives and things are starting to come together in a fantastic way. I feel important and significant in the way you can only when realize you're in the middle of a very big God's hands and He has you right where you are supposed to be.
Plus, I'm totally going to make out with my husband in a hot minute.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
so hopeless and all alone
Oh dear. I think I need a detox session from Facebook or something. Unfortunately one of the big things I do with a ministry I'm involved in at my church is post to the Facebook page every day. I guess that doesn't mean I have to look at mine, but that's what ends up happening.
I'm kind of tired of the pissing contests that happen. I'm also tired of people thinking they know everything that's going on in my life because they are my Facebook friend. I don't talk about negative things, I don't talk about my in-laws, I try not to complain or be grumpy. Mostly that means if I'm having a bad day or going through something difficult, I'm just silent in Facebook land. Which means if we haven't chatted face to face in awhile but you've been following my online presence, you have a very basic idea of what's actually going on. I don't mean that in a snotty way at all.
I have made several major moves in my life. It is insane to me how different it is to live in a different spot from someone now though. I'm only 31 so it is bizarre to me that I'm saying things like "I remember when..." but it's just true! We moved when I was in high school (1994) and the Internet was not this huge wide spread thing. My family depended on snail mail and video taped messages (VHS) to stay in touch. It was a big deal when we got to go back to California and be in person with everyone. It was hard for me to stay in touch with my friends because long distance phone calls were very expensive and we had to rely on writing letters. Not a lot of teenagers are into writing letters.
Last summer, we got to go from Texas to California and there was some family that I haven't seen in YEARS and I was really excited to get the chance to sit and talk. And none of them felt like we needed to really talk because they follow me on Facebook. I love being so accessible to the masses in general and specifically reconnecting with friends and family. But I value time spent over a cup of coffee (or whatever you can find in a coffee shop type setting that suits your tastes) and chatting face to face. I like to see people's faces as they tell me stories and I like to hug people I haven't seen in ages.
And the stupid contests over how many "friends" you have and who posts more on who's wall and blah blah blah. I think it's easier to be self-involved when all your interactions are online as well. If someone posts they are having a bad day, it's hard to know how bad of a day and how many questions you can ask. I've noticed a trend lately of people making typos and leaving it up and adding another comment to correct them. What's the deal with that? I have no qualms about deleting a post and reposting it correctly. And if someone was ridiculously rude to me, I'd just delete the comment and let the chips fall where they may.
I feel old fashioned.
Maybe mostly today I just feel grumpy.
I'm kind of tired of the pissing contests that happen. I'm also tired of people thinking they know everything that's going on in my life because they are my Facebook friend. I don't talk about negative things, I don't talk about my in-laws, I try not to complain or be grumpy. Mostly that means if I'm having a bad day or going through something difficult, I'm just silent in Facebook land. Which means if we haven't chatted face to face in awhile but you've been following my online presence, you have a very basic idea of what's actually going on. I don't mean that in a snotty way at all.
I have made several major moves in my life. It is insane to me how different it is to live in a different spot from someone now though. I'm only 31 so it is bizarre to me that I'm saying things like "I remember when..." but it's just true! We moved when I was in high school (1994) and the Internet was not this huge wide spread thing. My family depended on snail mail and video taped messages (VHS) to stay in touch. It was a big deal when we got to go back to California and be in person with everyone. It was hard for me to stay in touch with my friends because long distance phone calls were very expensive and we had to rely on writing letters. Not a lot of teenagers are into writing letters.
Last summer, we got to go from Texas to California and there was some family that I haven't seen in YEARS and I was really excited to get the chance to sit and talk. And none of them felt like we needed to really talk because they follow me on Facebook. I love being so accessible to the masses in general and specifically reconnecting with friends and family. But I value time spent over a cup of coffee (or whatever you can find in a coffee shop type setting that suits your tastes) and chatting face to face. I like to see people's faces as they tell me stories and I like to hug people I haven't seen in ages.
And the stupid contests over how many "friends" you have and who posts more on who's wall and blah blah blah. I think it's easier to be self-involved when all your interactions are online as well. If someone posts they are having a bad day, it's hard to know how bad of a day and how many questions you can ask. I've noticed a trend lately of people making typos and leaving it up and adding another comment to correct them. What's the deal with that? I have no qualms about deleting a post and reposting it correctly. And if someone was ridiculously rude to me, I'd just delete the comment and let the chips fall where they may.
I feel old fashioned.
Maybe mostly today I just feel grumpy.
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