Wednesday, September 15, 2010

newsletter: month 6

Dear Samson,

Time is really flying by, because you are six months old! That means in six months we'll be having a party to celebrate your first birthday! I better start writing down plans now so it doesn't completely sneak up on me.

You, my friend, are completely adorable. I get stopped every single time I go out in public. At least one stranger will tell me how cute you are. You've gotten a little stingy with the smiles for strangers, but I think that's actually really reasonable. People tell me that you should be a little model. Honestly, I don't even know how to go about seeing if that's a possibility. I'm fine if the only pictures we have of you are the ones Daddy and I take. And you can be as stingy with your smiles as you want as long as I still get those little grins.

Six months ago I was terrified I was going to mess something up and you would get taken away or I would get in trouble. Who or under what authority this was going to happen was a moot point. I just wanted to make sure I was doing everything right. You were so new and fragile and I was so tired and sore that somehow I felt immense pressure to make sure everything was just right. Sometimes people would offer to do things and I felt like I couldn't accept it because I had to be able to do everything myself first. I tried to be polite when I declined but now I would like to go and explain that I've relaxed and if anyone ever wants to take the carrier, me and my back will gratefully take the break. But you know, I have to say I'm glad that I was determined to get everything down. I got to practice changing diapers on you when you were newborn and you'd scream your head off but basically stay still. Now, you're much happier but also much wigglier. I promise you, there's nothing to explore on the changing table. You don't have to roll over and reach every single time.

We've got a pretty good groove going. Daddy is working two jobs and you and I hang out at home or run errands. Daddy and I are working on getting the three of us into our own place and that should happen very soon. You're such a little trooper, hanging out with me while I clean or prep for painting or whatever at the new house. And car rides have gotten much better. You can entertain yourself by moving the canopy on your car seat but sometimes you'll cry when the sun gets in your eyes. I feel like this is the first of many many things I set up for you in a specific way on purpose and you stubbornly change only to "get the sun in your eyes" again. We'll see. It's just sometimes I see so much of myself in you I want to apologize profusely. I hope I can teach you how to handle yourself sooner than I figured out how to handle myself.

You sit up by yourself now, you can get up on all fours and then accidentally push yourself backwards when you're reaching for something in front of you, you eat baby food like gangbusters, you can reach for a bottle and kind of guide it to your mouth, you know how books "work" (you look to the right for the next page to appear), you LOVE your Grover doll, and you are the sweetest snuggler I know.

September is an important month for us. It's your half birthday and it's also me and Daddy's wedding anniversary month! We will have been married for one year this Saturday! We didn't get married only because we found out I was pregnant. We loved each other very much and tried to make our wedding as separate of an event from my pregnancy as we could. We decided we wanted all three of us to have the same last name when you were born and September was kind of a cool month to have our anniversary. August is my birth month. September is our wedding anniversary. October is Daddy's birth month. November is Thanksgiving. December is Christmas. January is New Year's. February is Valentine's Day and March is your birth month. When we decided to get married, we had a few goals for ourselves. One near the top was to make sure there was always enough love in our house that you would never feel like you forced us to get married. That wasn't the case at all. I don't know how many other people understand that and it doesn't even matter much. What matters is that you, Daddy, and I all know how it really happened. You have been the best surprise I could have ever thought of and I had no idea I had all of this love in my heart. Even more unexpectedly, I love Daddy more than I ever have and I love him in all kinds of new ways because of you being in our lives.

You burst onto the scene six months ago, Samson, and there's not a day that I am not ridiculously thankful for the pure joy you have brought into my life.

I love you.

Love, Mama

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