Saturday, May 11, 2013

the one where i take it way back yo

I've had various blogs for a very long time. I used to write lengthy posts on a near daily basis and I was so angsty and definitely an over-sharer. It's weird because now, I have basically zero time to write and I'm much more mature in my need to tell everyone everything running through my head and the stories I have to share are so very much more interesting. I really do think if I wrote a fictionalized version of various time periods and situations from my life in the past six or so years, it could be a best seller. So tonight since both my boys are asleep and my guy isn't home from work yet, since I've showered, since I've looked at my messy living room and decided I just can't deal with it tonight, I'm going to ramble out some thoughts until I get interrupted. Just like I used to, once upon a time.

It's Mother's Day tomorrow. I'm so grateful to have a mom that I get to celebrate with. The older I get and the more people I meet, it seems the rarer it becomes for people my age to have moms they get to celebrate things with for a huge variety of reasons. My mom and I have not always gotten along and still misunderstand each other sometimes, but we love each other and I am so glad I get to share my journey as a mom with her. K asked me what I wanted and I said I just really want to sleep in. Or take a long nap. And I really mean it. He actually has to work so because I have a policy of not catering to crazy on my Mother's Day, me and the boys are going to my parents house where we will eat ridiculously good food and laugh and I will leave with two over tired boys.

Incidently, I hate that spending time on Facebook and Twitter has made me have to carefully re-read my sentences to make sure I actually used the right to/too/two and whatever else. I need to get back into reading well written books more than I read anything else.

K and I got to go to this celebration of the Mayor of San Antonio's mother on Friday night. She really is an incredible lady and deserving of such a celebration. But the reason we got to go is because there was a mural unveiling in her honor that will be at a restaurant downtown (Pico De Gallo) and the artist is actually K's uncle. It was a building dedication for part of the new San Antonio Texas A&M campus too and there were a lot of important people there. I got a new dress and I got K a new shirt and tie and we took time and care getting ready and it was our first real date since A was born four months ago and it was so lovely! It was an art show where I actually knew the artist (he asked me how the boys were doing which proves that somehow I think), I got to shake hands with a congressman as we entered, there was really delicious food (I couldn't have picked a better spread, honestly), there was alcohol, and I was with my husband. Before we even left the house, I decided I was going to have an excellent night. I wasn't going to worry about what I looked like because I was excited about my dress and my husband told me I was gorgeous and I decided to just believe him. I decided to not worry about things said or unsaid by any of my in-laws. I decided that my parents could handle it if A literally cried the entire time he was at their house. And I decided that I deserved a few hours to just enjoy K again, just the two of us. So when we walked into the building and I saw Joaquin Castro, I walked right up to him, shook his hand, and said, "Nice to see you, Congressman." It was such a great night! I am such a nerd at heart and something I truly enjoy is hearing a good speech, especially live. Julian Castro can give an excellent speech, and I was right there in the room. It was during his speech, but technically the mayor and a former speaker at the Democratic National Convention thanked me for all the hard work I do as a mom. I'm going to go ahead and take that and keep it in my pocket.

Especially because last night, after I fed my hungry hungry baby for the third time (as he adamantly refused to take a bottle) and finally fell asleep, my three year old woke up crying so hard it took at least half an hour for me to understand what he wanted and then about another half an hour to get him calm and back in bed and quiet. And then it took another hour to get my baby back to sleep because he was so happy everyone was awake that he just wanted to play. I love being a mom. It is hard work, but it's good work. But three years in, one of the absolute hardest things and something I have not improved at much is being startled awake and having to immediately take care of someone and also have grace and patience in that moment.

I am so very tired. I really severely miss sleeping. It's getting better. I think A will calm down again in a little bit and sleep in bigger chunks at night again. I'm just so very tired. I'm blessed and I love my family fiercely. Being a mom of a little and an itty bitty is no joke. A good night's sleep changes your world. I'll get to experience that again. Soon, I hope. When people ask if we're going to have another baby because we have two boys and maybe we'd like to try to have a girl, I just think about doing this again and I want to cry. I don't think I can sign up for it again. I love my two boys and it doesn't bother me in the least that I don't have a daughter. S farted tonight and immediately said, "Don't worry, Mommy, my butt is just making noises again." and I laughed heartily and was grateful there will probably always be fart discussions and jokes in my house. I think I was made to be a mom of two boys. These two boys. Also, hand on a Bible, I don't think I can handle going through year three more than twice. S is a freaking tornado.

I painted my nails for the thing on Friday and having purple nails makes everything more fun. Changing diapers is more glamorous with purple nails. Making dinner is more interesting with purple nails. Typing is more fun with purple nails. There's a really good coupon for nail polish right now so I might have to go back and pick up a few more colors and take some time every once in awhile to paint my nails. I think I also need to take some time and either get a really good short hair cut that's easy to style or set up some lessons with someone on how to do my hair up and cute. I always do the same thing. I put my hair in a ponytail and then smush it up against my head and bobby pin the crap out of it. It's messy and curly and I get a bunch of compliments but it's really simple and unelegant and uninspired. I'm glad I don't have to worry about teaching S and A how to do their hair for special occassions. I suspect that kind of talk will mostly center around making sure they shower on a regular basis. There was an episode of Parenthood last season where the dad told his pre-teen son to make sure to wash his pits, his butt, and his balls every day. That seems simple enough to remember and pass on.

And on that note, I'm going to see if we have any beer in the fridge. I don't know if I'm going to drink any, but I like to think about it sometimes. I'm so glad I've been able to breastfeed A and it's been going like gangbusters, but I think I've just got about another month in me. I'd like to feel like my whole body belongs to me again. Between the pregnancy and the breastfeeding, it's been a long time. I also miss drinking sometimes. For awhile, K and I would get in bed with a beer and share it as we talked about our days. I miss that. I think I just miss that whole scenario though. The opportunity to talk for awhile in bed without worrying about waking anyone up or getting enough sleep myself. We'll get back there.

So there you have it, a hearty ramble, old school Melissa style.

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