Holy crap balls, you are eleven months old! Daddy and I just got your birthday party invitations and are about to send them out. We had a really good time going through all the pictures we have of you and exclaiming about how small you used to be and what a little boy you look like now. I can hardly believe that are almost a whole year old!
You crack me up at least once a day. You know how to shake your head no but it's not always conversationally appropriate. Sometimes it is though and I'm still not sure how much of that is coincidence and how much is you really understanding and responding. You're very smart though, and you do communicate with me an awful lot for a little baby. But about the laughing. You will shake your head no just before you do something you're not supposed to. Also if you bump into something, you'll often sit back and shake your head no. Sometimes I laugh because you have just burst out with random laughter all by your little self in the middle of the room. Other times it's because you've taken my face in mine and blown me a kiss or the way you smile when you see my hair down. You're completely adorable, even when you're being a huge stinker.
You pull my hair and you steal my glasses right off my face. You spit food right back at me sometimes and you act like we're trying to poison you when we offer and encourage finger foods. Sometimes you will cry like your heart is broken because Daddy picked you up and you wanted me or vice versa. You determindly crawl into the kitchen even though we put up a baby gate and you constantly find pieces of paper to chew on even though we have to dig them out so you stop gagging. I am fascinated by watching you process things and try new ways to get places or how you play with the same toy in a variety of ways. But I'm still going to teach you how to say, "My name is Samson, and I can be a stinker" because it's totally true.
A few times in the past week, you've pulled yourself up on some furniture and then let go and stood all by yourself for a minute or two before sitting down and crawling away. Sometimes if I set you down on the floor, you'll stand unassisted for a little bit and look around deciding where to go. You cruise around the living room like a little pro and I really think you'll be walking before you turn one. When Daddy and I are walking back and forth in the hallway and you're crawling inbetween our feet, I can see you trying to process how to walk like we do. I am excited to see where you want to explore and how you will get there but I'm also a little nervous. You just are not such a baby anymore.
I see glimpses of both me and Daddy in your personality all the time, all mixed in with everything you are just by yourself. I see you lean back and take things in and react only when you really need to just like Daddy does. And I see how you watch me do something and listen to me explain it to you and then insist on doing it your own way anyway just like how I do. My biggest hope is that I can show you that it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to follow someone's example and it's okay to not always know how to do everything by yourself. I love that you are okay in a room of strangers if you can still see me or Daddy in the room with you. You're a huge charmer of strangers when we go out to eat or are running errands. I'm not sure if I have a heartbreaker on my hands or just a very friendly little guy. But I couldn't be happier that I get to just hang around and find out.
Sometimes, especially after a particularly long night, I wish that I had gotten married and had a baby when I was younger. It is a lot harder for me to bounce back after very little sleep! But overall, I'm glad that I'm your mom as a thirty year old. I have a lot more patience than I did five or ten years ago. I have a lot more confidence in myself. I trust myself more. I can see what you need better now than I know I would have been able to five or ten years ago. I'm going to make a hundred million more mistakes and you're going to yell at me and slam the door and be frustrated, but I'm coming at all this parenthood stuff from a good place. I love you like crazy and I always will.You are simply amazing.
Thank you again for making me a mama.
I love you, Samson.