Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I have a hard time letting go sometimes.

When I first started dating my now husband, he had this friend who was very prominent in his life. She was the source of many frustrations for me and an active instigator of problems or attempted problems between me and him. Over the past few years I have gone from being blindingly angry whenever she's been or tried to be a part of my life in any way to trying to be friendly to deciding it was okay to just not want to engage any more at all. My son was born during the time that I was attempting to be friendly but since she didn't come by the hospital during our extended stay or talk to me at all about visiting or congratulate me or anything like that, I figured she had finally decided to move on. It turned out that she hadn't, and even though she and I had never talked about her seeing my son, she has decided I use him as a weapon against K's friends by not letting any of them see him. That's ridiculously untrue but you can't reason with an unreasonable person. She sent me a nasty email in October and after K called her and asked her what she was thinking, she decided to end their friendship and all communication.

I should just be glad. In the height of my frustration and anger with her, I remember thinking that I didn't want her at my wedding and I would never let her hold any of my babies. It came true... K and I with our super small court room wedding didn't invite any friends because we could barely handle all the family drama as it was and I never knew she even wanted to come see S. I'm glad I didn't have to sort out all the conflicted feelings that would have arisen in either case.

But you know what? I still want to have my say. I want to tell her exactly what I think of her and why both me and K are better off for her not being in our lives any more. I want to respond to that nasty email line by line. I want to tell her I hope her son meets someone exactly like her and that girl does everything she did to K to him. Everything. I want her to write me a check for all the times I helped K make sure all the bills were paid while they were roommates. I want to make her cry.

Truthfully I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this. But any time I do spend is more than I should.

It's over and done with, I should be able to just forget it all and move on.

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