Tuesday, July 13, 2010

newsletter: month 4

Dear Samson,

Holy crap, so much happened this month that I feel that I need to take notes during this next month so I don't forget to mention anything! There are really truly days that I put you down for a nap and could swear you got bigger by the time I pick you up from the crib again. And that's just the purely physical part of your growth. It's amazing. I feel so blessed to be able to spend so much time with you and witness all of this development. Lately, through a variety of circumstances, your dad and I have met some people that for various reasons aren't around their kids much. I could do it if the situation meant the betterment of our family in some way. But I'm so glad I just get to scoop you up in my arms every day.

You are four months old today. Although I started catching glimpses of your personality from the first time I held you, I think this past month your core has really come out. So far I'd characterize you as about as mellow as your dad for your default but you've got the same stubborn streak I do. Oh Samson, I'm sorry. For you, and for me, really.

One day I was outside cleaning the car. I had the baby monitor in the garage so I could hear you but after you woke up from your nap, Grandma volunteered to play with you so I could finish up outside. After a little bit I could hear you crying. She's pretty good with a crying baby so I stayed outside a bit longer and then I realized the other piece to the monitor was still in your room and you were in the living room and I could hear you crystal clear. I got everything off the driveway and went inside. Grandma was changing your diaper and you were SCREAMING. I talked to you and you immediately calmed down when you heard my voice. But when I picked you up, you started up with the crying again! Grandma said that I used to do the same thing. You got what you wanted, but you had to punish me a bit for getting you so upset in the first place.

I think you're teething, even though you're kind of little for that. But you produce about a ton of drool a day and constantly have your fingers in your mouth. Or a stuffed animal. Or a blanket. Actually, that's your favorite. I really like handing you a blanket or burp cloth because your intense concentration as you carefully maneuver your hands to grab a hold of it and immediately snatch it up to your chest is kind of amazing and completely adorable to watch. I'm curious to see if you stick with the blankets or eventually choose a favorite stuffed animal. In the meantime, Daddy and I are having a good time naming all the animals.

You and I have had a bunch of problems breastfeeding the past couple of weeks and I'm not going to get into all the details because you're a boy and most likely don't care at all about this. We've worked through everything, for the most part, and then yesterday you just went on strike. You just held out for a bottle. All day as I kept trying to get you to nurse and then eventually gave up and got you bottles, I debated whether or not it was such a bad thing. I could just give you formula full-time and then I could eat cheese again. I'm not sure what we're going to do quite yet actually. It's a complicated decision to make. But at the end of the night, you were laying kind of diagonally across my chest. I was rubbing your back and you sleepily looked up at me. I told you I loved you and tomorrow would be a better day and you gave me the sweetest smile of your life. It's so crazy that as a mom I can have a ridiculously rough day trying to take care of you the best I know how and feel like I'm just failing miserable and those feelings of inadequacy can be erased in the split second of your eye contact and smile. Thank you, Samson.

I'm glad I'm your Mama, even when you roll your eyes at me. Here's to the next month and more adventures!

Love, Mama

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