the one about water breaking

One of my very sweet friends came by today and told me about when her water broke. It was the middle of the night and she woke up but thought she must have just peed herself. When her water broke, it wasn't a big gush, it was a steady trickle. She told her husband and he asked what they should do. She said they had a doctor's appointment in the morning anyway so they should just wait and see what he said. They went back to sleep. She sat on a towel in the waiting room because she was still kind of leaking and her doctor told her to go to the hospital immediately. I thought this whole story was hysterical!

I was induced with S, and my water broke on its own while I was in the hospital. It was a pretty good sudden gush but I thought maybe my catheter had fallen out somehow. That got a good laugh from the nurse who checked on me. By the way, that catheter was one of my very favorite things about being admitted to the hospital. I was so relieved when I got it and I didn't have to disconnect myself from my blood pressure cuff and gather up my IV and waddle over to the bathroom. And after I gave birth, I felt like I lost 10 pounds by peeing alone but it was all with the catheter and it was glorious to not have to do anything.

Just thinking about labor and delivery types kind of things! And hoping my water doesn't break or contractions start or anything else along those lines this weekend. Back to hoping I make it to Tuesday with my next appointment and then it'll be hoping for Thursday for my c-section!

the one where i pause for a minute

Just counting down the days now. My c-section is scheduled for 12/13 and it looks like that's really going to be the day. It's really crazy to me. S was born at 38 weeks, so this is the longest I've ever been pregnant. No pre-eclampsia, just pregnancy induced hypertension which is a lot easier to manage and something to be thankful for. I had a non-stress test and an ultrasound on Tuesday before I sat with my doctor and she hugged me and told me I looked amazing and she was proud of me for making it this far. She is more astounded than I am that when my blood pressure started creeping up it wasn't until week 35 AND although it is a bit high, it's not in the real danger zone even now. And this baby is huge. The estimate they gave me on Tuesday was 9 lbs, 3 oz. We'll see where he lands at next week!

I'm just trying to take it easy. There's some things I would still like to get done, but basically all the really important stuff is taken care of. I wish my house was a little cleaner, but it's going to have to wait or not be done by me at least. The last kind of taxing thing to do is a big grocery trip so my guys have food and easy meals while I'm in the hospital. K is going to stay with me the first night and then hold down the fort and do some S wrangling the other few days I'll be in the hospital. We are both hoping that it'll be a good chance to have a solid start to recovery from surgery and for breastfeeding. We just still have to tell both of our moms that they can't come see the baby every day while I'm there!

It's going to be weird to go from it being just one kiddo to two. I hope it doesn't take long to find my footing and that I can make sure to still have one-on-one time with S in the midst of all the time Baby C-2 will require. I know we are going to be a great family of four. I am admittedly nervous at starting this journey right in the middle of so much family visiting from California and having to decline invites to at least five Christmas events and most likely staying home on Christmas Day. It'll work out though. And we'll have a cute brand new little guy to share when we venture outside!

the one with the revelation

I have just a few things left to do before I will feel like I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be to have this baby. Move the bassinet into my room, clean out my car and put the carrier car seat base in the backseat all ready to go, pack my hospital bag, and pack as much of S's bag as I can ahead of time. After that, I'll work on doing things like mopping and other things to make the house a bit more presentable in case people want to visit us right away.

My dad is going to pick up K on Wednesday to get the tv they are passing down to us (I love it when my parents upgrade electronics--they very often give the old ones to us or give us a very good deal on buying from them!) and then come to our house and put the crib back together and assemble the dresser we have for Baby C-2. I had kind of a meltdown yesterday that is embarrassing in hindsight but still managed to create a good outcome so two of the biggest things I was worried about making happen are actually done now (the futon is in the living room and the closet by our front door is cleared out). Clothes are sorted. Going home outfit has been selected. We have diapers and wipes. It's going to be okay.

I'm really excited that I made it to December! There was no big reason I wanted to other than it's the month of my due date. Nothing has really gone the way I was hoping it would for the duration of this pregnancy but it's all been okay anyway. Regardless of what day this little guy is born, it'll be an extra cool date since he has 12 and 12 as bookends. My next appointment is Tuesday and I'll have a non-stress test and a growth ultrasound which will help my OB tell me if we're going to make it to the scheduled c-section date of 12/13 or if we'll be meeting him a bit sooner. I'm still hoping for 12/13. It seems very close and just incredibly far away all at the same time!

My meltdown revelation yesterday was that I need to speak up a LOT more than I usually do. I am thoroughly exhausted right now and don't anticipate that changing for about six weeks at this point (at least anyway). And you know what? There is not a single person around me that has a problem telling me what they need or what they want and doing fairly well at making it happen for themselves. It's time for me to stop being the only one standing around wishing things were a bit different. I'm not planning on being purely selfish from here on out. I have a friend who is a really good host and is also amazing at kicking you out when she's done without being a jerk. That's what I'm aiming for.

I am determined that it is okay for me to disappoint people by staying home if that's what is best for my health and/or my new little guy's health. They will either understand or they won't. But I don't get two chances to recover from surgery right the first time. I also will be breastfeeding again and am hoping super hard it goes much more smoothly this time than it did with S and I need to focus on that unabashedly especially during the first couple of weeks so we can have a solid foundation.

K and I will be able to figure this out as we go. I'm not very worried about being able to speak up better because when it's for my kids, it's much easier. Hopefully that will spill over into the rest of my life and I won't fall into being "Baby C-2's Mom" and not Melissa for the first year like I did with S.

This is going to be a good month.

Hopefully I can turn my a/c back off soon!

the one with a lot about nothing

Well.

It's kind of been a month of nothing going the way I really meant for it to go.

We haven't been regular church attenders because it takes so much right now for me to get the three of us out the door at once and on time for something and it's kind of a 50/50 chance that S is going to actually stay in children's church (through no fault whatsoever to that amazing program, it's all in how clingy he feels that day).

The certainty of my scheduled c-section is wavering with my blood pressure creeping up (really, soaring one day, but thankfully having settled at higher than it was a few weeks ago but within the acceptable range) and my maybe irrational desire to have a little December baby feeling a bit silly but still strong. Trying to plan out holiday events and visiting family coming in from out of state with a seriously brand new baby and learning how to be a mama of two.

Deciding to make Thanksgiving plans that were the best for my family and my health and the baby's health and experiencing ridiculous backlash from that. I am torn on how to handle Christmas since it is more clear than it ever has been that I cannot do anything right where certain family members are concerned and maybe I'm just tired of trying and still feeling miserable. But if I can avoid causing a rift that will take years to bridge again, maybe I should even if no one ever acknowledges it.

My house is way messier than I'd like it to be.

But! My husband is ridiculously fantastic. I really love that guy and the ways he takes care of me. I never feel like he's handling me. I feel like he just lets me be me and loves me because of it, and not in spite of it. Let me tell you, for a long time I thought no one like that existed out there. But here I am with him and he married me.

the one where i am just really pregnant and ready but not ready

32 weeks pregnant. 7 weeks to go.

I'm glad because I've definitely reached the point of this pregnancy where everything exhausts me but I still wake up ridiculously early for no apparent reason but am unable to go back to sleep. I was looking through my journal from when I was pregnant with S and that happened with him too. It was easier with him though because I wasn't working and didn't have anything else to do so I'd just nap whenever I wanted to and all the hours of sleep somehow added up to be enough. This pregnancy has been MUCH smoother, for which I am super grateful. But my hands and feet are still swollen by the end of the day and I've been wearing the same four shirts for ages. I really don't like not wearing my wedding ring! For as simple as it is, it's my favorite piece of jewelry I've ever owned because it matches K's and I like that we both so rarely take them off.

But, the baby's room is nowhere near ready. The house isn't in the type of condition I'd like for it to be to bring home a new baby and have people want to come over to see us. We have a vague idea of how to take care of S while I'm in the hospital but haven't entirely set that up yet.

When I was pregnant with S, I battled depression pretty heartily and panicked about a lot of things. My doctor told me to take a deep breath and understand that to bring a baby home from the hospital, all I really needed was a car seat, a place for him to sleep when we got home, a few changes of clothes, and diapers and wipes. We have that for this baby, I'm not depressed like I was before, and I know more of what to expect. But I would still like to have the room actually set up and the floors mopped and a hearty stash of shampoo, conditioner, lotion, toilet paper, etc for the grown-ups in the house.

This weekend I should be able to get the futon out of the baby's room and into the front of the house, the crib put back together, a spot in my room cleared out for the bassinet, and maybe half the closet in the baby's room cleared out. But any portion of it being done is going to put my mind a little bit more at ease.

the one where i think everyone should have an ob like i do

After puking all day yesterday and being up most of the night with contractions and general uncomfortableness, I called my OB again this morning to ask to be seen because clearly this wasn't good. She said to just go to labor and delivery at the hospital I am going to deliver at and have them evaluate me for dehydration and to check my blood pressure and the baby. So I did.

I got a bag of IV fluids, an anti-nausea medication, and some apple juice, water, and food to actually stay down. My baby was on the monitor the whole time and I could hear his heartbeat and that's just such a lovely sound. Especially when it's my children and the heartbeat is mixed in with kicking the monitor.

My OB came by and told me my labs looked normal again, the baby looked gorgeous, and I seemed happier than I did earlier in the morning so I needed to get the hell out of her hospital. That made me laugh so hard!

I'm doing much better now but am thoroughly exhausted. Had a full on meal and it's staying down just fine so I think I'm good in that department. Just gotta keep up the fluids and hopefully rest up a little bit.

the one where i make a new list of happy things!

I woke up awhile ago and can't go back to sleep, so I might as well write for a bit!

Here's a list of things that have been making happy over the past week or so...

...the way K makes sure to kiss me every time he sees me. I get the first kiss when he gets home, kisses goodnight, kisses good morning.
...cooking more stuff at home again.
...my part-time nanny job--I help with homework, cook (or finish up a crockpot meal) dinner, clean it up, and go home. I thought I was just done being able to earn some money until after the baby is born, so that's a huge relief. It's super helpful to the family while they search for a permanent nanny, S gets to play with some kids his own age, and I am adding to my recipe list!
...taking showers at night and waking up with crazy curly hair.
...drinking gobs and gobs of lemon sparkling water.
...my OB hugging me and telling me she can't believe how smoothly this pregnancy has gone and how happy she is for us to be having another kiddo.
...having my c-section officially scheduled.
...S now says "Thank you, Mommy" almost every time I give him something. I just want to cover that little face in kisses every time he says it too.
...my fantastic church.
...the tv show Parenthood. Every episode makes me at least tear up, if not full on cry. It's not just because I'm pregnant either. Definitely one of my all-time favorite shows.
...I got my flu shot. S got his flu shot. K is getting his flu shot and probably Tdap on Thurs. Yay for no flu and yay for Baby C-2 being a little extra protected!
...my little Scentsy warmer nightlight in my bathroom with a lovely citrusy scent chosen by my friend Tina who knows that I miss the orange blossoms of Riverside.
...having Democrats and Republicans on my Twitter feed who like to live tweet debates.
...this baby is big and strong and active enough to actually wake me up by moving around like a little crazy man.
...after I finally get S into bed, it is pretty funny to me that such a little guy has so very many stall tactics. Who taught him any of that?!
...SNL has been really funny lately, especially The Weekend Updates.
...there was a Max and Ruby episode where Max gave Ruby a taste of her own medicine. Finally.
...The @honesttoddler twitter feed. OMG so freaking funny! And also possibly coming from my son somehow.

the one where more details would feel cathartic at first and then get me in a lot of trouble

As I've grown up, one of the hardest things I've learned how to do is disengage.

I have strong and what I think are well-informed opinions about a lot of things and I sometimes have to fight the desire to share them and also the process I underwent to arrive at the opinion.

But sometimes, the best thing to do is to just not say anything. Or give a very short answer with the ability to just move on to something else built into it.

Sometimes I really hate that.

It's politics, but it's also just stupid extended family stuff sometimes too.

Ugh.

the one where i talk about my boy

My mom referred to me as her velcro child for at least the first four years of my life because when she tried to drop me off anywhere, I would attach myself to her leg in an effort to not have to stay. I was painfully shy even after I gave up attaching myself to her and still spend a lot of my time around people being fairly quiet. I like to assess the situation before jumping in. I'm definitely an introvert and I can spend time in large groups, even speak in front of large audiences, and I enjoy getting to know new people but then I need some recovery time spent all by myself. As I've gotten older and added things to my life like a husband and a child, I've been able to shorten the time I need and sneak it in during things like slightly longer showers or by concentrating on cooking something fantastic or even losing myself in a song while driving.

I don't think my husband has ever met a stranger. He thrives on meeting new people, on spending time in crowds, and loves parties. Everywhere we go, it is almost certain someone will ask him if they know him from somewhere and they usually do. When we go to any kind of gathering together, I have to tell him at least 45 minutes before I really want to leave that it's time to get going because it takes that much time for him to go around and say by to everyone.

S is a fantastic combination of our looks and our personalities. He has some traits that are distinctly similar to me and just as many like K. And there are things that are kind of a combination. For example, the kid gets free stuff all the time. Even before he was born, he got clothes and baby gear (for which we are so incredibly thankful!). It is not uncommon in the least for people to give him stuff when we are out and about. That's why we have five thousand hot wheels. That is definitely like his daddy. He is pretty personable but doesn't immediately go to people he doesn't know well. That is definitely like me.

But all of the sudden, he is very shy and sometimes even hesitates to go immediately to any of his grandparents. Of everyone he knows, that's the set that he knows the most after me and K of course. He will clutch my arm or step behind my legs. He freaks out when we drop him off at church childcare. As much as I would love to find a baby-sitter we can call and have come over to watch S, I am now pretty scared to even try to start that process.

These days, I am just exhausted all the time. I am stressing over the state of my house and the baby's room. K and I came up with what I think is a decent plan today on getting the big stuff taken care of and then tackling the little stuff. I can't get anything done while S is awake because he's into everything trying to help me or just explore newfound treasures like inside of the closet. And when I get him down for a nap, I take one too because I am drained. He usually goes to bed before K comes home from work, but that's kind of a crap shoot lately too. I can focus on things long enough to make a grocery list or a to do list for the next day, but that's about it before I just crawl into bed too.

And this is why I am quietly freaking out about adding another baby to the mix. Tired now has nothing on a brand new newborn. I don't know how long S is going to be in this phase or if this is just how it is from here on out with him.

Just trying to take it a day at a time. And I am beyond grateful that my parents live nearby and can and will take S to their house for a few hours here and there and he has a great time!

the one where i just vent for awhile

I can't write about 31 days of getting my sh*t together because it is freaking me out too much. Everything will come together and likely in the timeline I want it too, but I have to stop writing about it every day. It's not helpful to get myself all worked up about it. I just need to do it. I need to figure out who I can ask to come help me get some stuff done but first I need to prioritize.

There are a lot of other things bugging me because I'm extra hormonal and tired. There are some things about pregnancy that are just mean. One is going to bed exhausted but still waking up with no hope of getting back to sleep at ridiculously early times. So here are all my controversial things that are really driving me crazy.

One is we qualify for some programs that will help us get some baby gear for either free or really cheap. I am extremely grateful for the help and any time I am talking to someone with the program, I make sure to tell them that because I get the feeling not a lot of people do. The thing that I hate though is the assumption that since I'm in a certain income bracket, I must be dumb and/or irresponsible. So instead of calling it a class, it's called a baby shower that I have to find childcare for because it's really a two hour class about how to have a healthy pregnancy. It sucks to be condescended to. Maybe it's pride. Maybe I am actually dumb because if I was smarter, we would be in a place where we were bringing in more money after all. It still sucks though. I think I would be dumber to not go though.

Please, if I don't ask you or it's not a natural part of a conversation we are actually having, do not give me medical advice. Again, I'm not dumb. I haven't missed a single doctor's appointment. I cannot stand my amazing OB's medical assistant, but I have called her a few times anyway to check to see if certain things were okay or how I should handle something. I have loved this baby since the two lines showed up on the pee stick. And I love my husband and my toddler. I'm not going to intentionally do anything to put any of us at risk. My OB and I painstakingly (for her, I'm sure) went through the list of what food and drink is okay and what isn't and how much caffeine is okay and everything else. K and I even had a long conversation with my OB about whether or not it was okay to even try to conceive several months before we actually even decided to try again. I'm sure your heart is in the right place and you either knew someone or knew of someone who made some hefty mistakes while pregnant. But I decided to listen to just my doctor because she knows my whole history and never bats an eye when I bring a list of questions to an appointment, even though I saw her two weeks previously. 

Those are the two big things. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest! 

the one where i write about 31 days #5

S clearly knows something is up. He wants to sit in my lap all day long and at night he'll be quiet for a bit but then suddenly start yelling, "Mommy, where are you?!" I don't want to reward random yelling but I also don't ever want him to feel abandoned.

I am exhuasted.

We had one good night of bed time and sleep this week, and for that, I am grateful. But I am still tired right now. I was just daydreaming of the time when I could hold firmly to "time worked is time paid." Being a mom is the hardest job I've ever had and there is never a clock-out time. Or paycheck. I think when S gets a little older it'll be easier because it will be a more give and take relationship rather than me doing so much work with little feedback from him.

Potty training went super well today, which is awesome!

And that's all I've got.

the one where i write about 31 days, day #4

Okay, so day 4 was yesterday. And part of my getting my shtuff together was that I let other things be a priority over writing last night. I think that was a good decision.

My mom picked up S on her way home from work and took him home for a couple of hours. It was fairly glorious to have just a little bit of time to read and eat without chasing after anyone or sharing everything or being sat on in one way or another. I'm so grateful that my parents live nearby and love my family as much as they do. They don't shy from saying no if we ask them to watch S and they can't for whatever reason, but we are always free to ask.

I got a load of laundry going, I attempted to find a workbook I need for a Bible study locally and ended up just ordering it online, I downloaded a book to my Nook, I got some spicy Thai curry, I went to Target and got some potty training supplies, and I picked up my little guy.

I also discovered I'm old. When I was at Target, my total was $60.05 and I get the cashier $61. He hit the wrong button and was freaking out over not knowing how much change to give me. I said not to worry, I just needed .95. And he was super grateful I'm so good at math because he is not. I'm old because I shook my head to myself while thinking it just wasn't that hard to know how much change I needed.

I didn't cross anything off of my to-do list, but I also should have listed getting S potty trained by Nov (or at least do everything I can to make it happen by Nov) on there. I think I have everything I need now.

Day 4 of getting my sh*t together... Not too shabby. But the house is still a mess. :)

the one where i talk about 31 days of getting my shit together #3

The biggest thing I did today was go grocery shopping, get a whole chicken, cook it, debone it, and start chicken stock that will cook overnight in the crockpot. It's not giant, but it's a decent accomplishment that I'm pretty excited about!

My method was super simple.

Rinse the chicken off
Stuff the cavity with lemon and parsley.
Cook in the crockpot on high for 4.5 hours.

Let chicken cool.
Debone as much as I had patience for tonight.
Dump the bones and skin right back in the crockpot.
Add celery, carrots, garlic, pepper, onion, salt, and water.
Cooking on low overnight.

Tomorrow I'll strain it and put it in containers. I'll freeze most of it and use some of it for something immediately so I can taste my handiwork!

Tomorrow I'll also be making chicken salad with the chicken. I'll add Greek yogurt, mayo, grapes, red onion, apples, salt, pepper, celery, and almonds. Maybe something more if I feel like it needs it. I don't know know, I"m really winging this one.

I picked up in S's room, I picked up a bit in the living room, I decided the clothes really need to be folded and put away, and I glanced longingly at the baby's room, wanting to dive in there and sort clothes and set up the crib and everything. It has to be cleared out first. Decidedly less fun.

Yesterday, I think my husband was a bit concerned about me. I don't know what's wrong. I feel tired and achy but I have a two year old doing his best to stage a sleep strike which seems to be affecting my energy level MUCH more than his. I miss baby-sitting. Last time I was pregnant I was fairly depressed while I was working and it started to lift once I wasn't anymore. This time, I'm in a funk after having had to stop working. But he took care of S so I could take a delicious nap and he ran some errands for me after we finally got S quiet for bed time.

I was so fiercely independent for so long that sometimes I fall back into that and forget that my husband and I are part of a team that does things together and for each other. I don't ask for help very much and I need to more. I need to open up a bit more to him. But I am thankful he knows me well enough to just jump in and take over sometimes. We've both gotten better. We both have a ways to go in being a 100% team 100% of the time. I think part of it is we were both on our own for several years before getting married. And part of it is personality and part of it is just straight up time availability.

You know what though? When I was in labor with S and my epidural stopped working and I knew something was wrong but couldn't string the words together to say, all I wanted was K standing next to me holding my hand. And he knew it and was there. He only let go to run to get a nurse and they did the c-section within ten minutes of that.

This is not the journey of 31 days that I had meant for it to be, but I am grateful for the reminder that my husband doesn't expect me to have all my shit together. He just expects me to let him help me figure it out and remember that he's there regardless anyway.

the one where i talk about 31 Days #2

Um, I didn't do anything today.

Mostly I just figured out the reason for my kind of funk this week so far is that I don't have anything to do. I do so much better when I have things built into my schedule that force me to plan out the day and get dressed and presentable at a decent point in the day. I know I'm a grown-up and should be able to do that on my own, but I am not very good at it.

I cleaned up the kitchen a tiny bit. I played with S a lot and we read a lot of books.

That's another thing. All of the sudden, my very busy two year old wants nothing more than to sit in my lap or otherwise drape himself on me all day long. I miss my cuddlebug a little bit, but I have gotten used to us being in the same room each doing something rather than me having to physically hold him all day. Also, he likes to sit in my lap and lean back which pushes the baby into me a bit more. I am confident the baby is fine. My stomach or something gets squished out in a different way to get out of the way of the baby and it's just generally uncomfortable. We'll get it sorted out soon enough. I think he senses the baby or that things are changing and just wants some extra Mommy time. It's weird to think that this time period of it being just me and my little guy is ending in a matter of months.

So, here's to tomorrow being a better and actually productive day!

the one where i write about 31 days #1--making a big fat list

Okay. So today S and I literally stayed in our pajamas all day long. Because I am lazy and we didn't have any where to be. That's not a particularly great example of getting my shit together. But! I did make a to do list for the month of October.

...get rid of broken tv in the living room
...move futon to the living room
...clean out every closet
...clean out closet in the living room, pack everything up, and put S's toys in there
...put end tables in the garage
...reorganize kitchen cabinets
...reorganize pantry
...clean out fridge, including wiping everything down
...sterilize baby bottles and make a spot in the kitchen for them
...sort through baby toys to keep, give away, trade in/sell
...sort through baby clothes to keep, give away, trade in/sell
...clear off both dressers in our room
...empty out baby's room, clean, and set up for Baby C-2
...look at baby registries and add/take away as needed
...cancel cable or find it for much cheaper
...go through S's clothes and reorganize his dresser/closet
...reorganize bookshelves in the living room
...move bookshelf into the living room for just kid's books
...start reading to S every night at bed time instead of watching tv
...find out information about toddler story time at the library and go
...apply to Galen College of Nursing
...study for entrance exam
...clean out my car
...clean stroller and repair the handle
...clean out car seat and readjust
...write a ridiculous number of posts for In the Trenches, edit, and schedule them out
...spend time with various friends
...do prenatal yoga dvd a few times a week
...menu plan every week and include lunch leftovers as meals

So, we'll see how this goes!

the one where i mention the 31 day challenge

So I've seen this thing posted on a few blogs about 31 Days where you pick a broad-ish topic and write something every day in October about it. I'm going to try to do it. I'm going to try really hard. My theme is going to be 31 Days to Getting My Sh*t Together. And by that I mostly mean getting my house and my car to be more presentable. I don't have a big plan on how to do that exactly, but I'll think about it tonight and write about it tomorrow.

We have too much stuff and the stuff we need isn't organized well. I have established some very lazy habits of not cleaning out the car on a regular basis or clearing off the backseat into the trunk and then not emptying the trunk out immediately. My kitchen cabinets are a bit haphazard and could use some love. And of course, the baby's room is currently more of a spot a bunch of boxes and other things has ended up. It needs to be cleared out, cleaned, and set up for Baby C-2.

It just seems like a good chance to focus on things that need some loving attention. And seriously, I'm 32. I need to get my sh*t together.

the one where it's a list of happy things!

Here are some things that have been making me happy in the last week...

...S has gotten extra funny all of the sudden. Today I asked him to come to me because it was time to get dressed. He replied, "No Mommy, Sa-son is sleeping." and then collapsed on the floor and fake snored. Who IS this kid?!
...I am super sad that my regular baby-sitting job is coming to an end. The happy thing is that my boss is super sad too. Which I guess sounds really weird. But I'm going to miss them a lot and it's nice to know they will miss me too!
...Baby C-2 is crazy busy and wiggly. He moves around so much at night it is crazy. Also when I eat or drink certain things, which I like to pretend is because he loves them as much as I do. Who really knows, right? Therefore, he is also crazy about sparkling water and pastor tacos.
...blogs blogs blogs. Reading them, writing them, editing them. It all makes me happy.
...Schmidt on The New Girl.
...The new Mumford and Sons album!
...K bought the new Mumford and Sons album yesterday and left it, in the packaging, for me to take in the car today. New music plus husbandly thoughtfulness is ridiculously great.
...I have that hormone or whatever now that makes it so my hair doesn't really fall out. Good because so much less hair in the bathroom. Bad because my hair is getting thicker rather than longer and I feel a bit like a lion until I get my hair into a ponytail.
...Ponytails of crazy curly hair.
...Writing.
...ultrasound scheduled for the morning AND my mom might be able to come too!
...my sister letting me complain all I want about various pregnancy awkwardness in my life so I don't sound like a grumpy pregnant lady to the world at large.
...making stuffed jalapenos. They are not difficult to make, but there is a technique for cutting and gutting the peppers that I've managed to get the hang of and it just takes a little time to get everything together. But every time I make them, people LOVE them. And that's the best part of cooking or baking anything for me, other people enjoying it.
...talking with K about creating a stuffed jalapeno recipe that is a little bit more complicated and homemade.
...praying for friends and their families about really specific things and getting to hear how things are going.
...some really fabulous friends are throwing me a baby shower soon and I am really excited to get to celebrate a new little baby and be happy with a bunch of people all at the same time!
...my husband pulled one of the pastors from our church aside the other day and talked to him quite a bit about some questions and some things that had happened. That makes me happy, but it also makes me happy that the pastor didn't mind that one bit, emailed K later on, and wants to set up a time later for them to talk more.

the one where i talk about what i think about while folding laundry

I have been a stay at home mom for two and a half years and I suck at it. I think I'm doing okay with the mom part--S seems smart and well-adjusted and behaves fairly well (most of the time, but he is two). I am just really bad at the housekeeping part. It's ridiculous. I'm embarrassed to have anyone over because my house is kind of shabby to start with and then it's just cluttered with stuff that hasn't been put away for whatever reason. And my husband follows my lead. So if I keep the living room kept relatively clean, he will as well. But if I have a day that by the time I FINALLY get S to bed and I just can't do anything else besides get in bed myself and I've therefore left some clutter in the living room, he will just add to it. That's probably a whole different blog post in itself. Heh.

So, the laundry. I'm pretty good at getting things washed and dried. But then they just stay in piles in the garage for me to go through and collect outfits as I need them. Ridiculous. I have a bit of a nesting bug and I would like to get all the actual baby stuff taken care of but I don't feel like I can do that until I get back on top of some of the every day things like folding and putting away clothes and keeping the living room moderately decent. I folded almost everything tonight. There are still towels and sheets in the garage, in the dryer. And this is what I was thinking about:

...S has way more clothes than I do.
...K really needs some new tshirts, but I know if I try to hide these and get rid of them, he will freak out.
...I have more pairs of underwear than I thought I did!
...I should get some actual bleach and do a whites load at least every so often.
...How is it possible to have pit stains this rowdy?
...Well, one basket done. I don't even want to know how many more there are.
...Um, that shirt I just folded that belongs to S is too small for him. That's embarassing.
...Why haven't I folded all the clothes in so long?
...I bet most people don't have piles of clothes this big to take care of.
... It's not actually hard to fold clothes.
...Seriously, why have I waited this long to fold all the clothes?
...The thing that sucks about laundry is it is actually never really done.
...Unless you and everyone else strip down before starting the last load and just hang out naked.
...That would be kind of weird.
...How long can I get away with taking my pants off when I'm hot when I get home?
...I'm going to live in a house full of boys in just a few short months.
...Laundry is going to be super smelly in a few years.
...How young is too young to teach S how to fold clothes?
...Done! It only took an hour! 

the one where i make a list of happy things!

Here is a list of some of the things making me happy this week...

...Saturday I got to have an overnight date with K and it was delightful.
...we ate at The Palm after having saved for it for a few months and every bite was delicious.
...3 years of marriage!
...the weather is getting much more to my liking, slowly but surely.
...a great well baby appointment for S and his 2.5 year check-up!
...already doing some of the things S's pediatrician recommended about him eating and getting better potty training tactics.
...going to City Church Downtown a couple of times makes us want to go there on a regular basis and get to know downtown better too. We found some coffee shops nearby that we want to try, too!
...Twitter (@meljamc)
...my pregnancy is still NOT high risk!
...both of our toilets are now working!
...both of our toilets are now NOT leaking!
...we have a ridiculous amount of towels and I don't know why or how that happened but I am grateful because we had a lot of water leaking in our bathrooms.
...having my own washer and dryer
...Rockin Green Soap--you can order samples on their site. Do it. Laundry will be more fun and more efficient. And no one asked me or paid me to say that. I just believe it.
...a really fantastic grocery shopping trip that has led to delicious meals at home for not a lot of money.
...nap time. Naps are so delicious.
...watching the regular news and then watching The Daily Show.
...the tv show Parenthood is back with new episodes.

the one where i share some cool stuff i came across this week

Here are some different things I came across on the Internet this week. Let me know what you think!

Intricately Carved Crayons, courtesy of 22 Words
I think S would be horrified to see these. But they are gorgeous! And definitely not made by a mom of a toddler. 

The Other Side of Joe Biden 
I didn't write anything about 9/11 this year, on purpose. I don't have anything beautiful or articulate to say to add to the universe. My heart cracked that day and there's still a scar. But I wanted to share this article and Joe Biden's speech because I thought it was really lovely.

How Bloggers' Kids Get Their Revenge 
This made me laugh so hard because it feels like it is something I wrote in the future. The whole thing. K and I have wedding pictures on the steps of the courthouse downtown and I've already talked about wanting to take family pictures in the same area because how great would that be?! And I have one boy and another on the way and we joke that should everything go smoothly with the rest of this pregnancy and then labor and delivery and we try for one more kid just in case there's a daughter out there for us, it will likely be a boy. So the picture? I love it. I would totally take it and not realize what was happening until much later too!

When It Feels Like God Is Hiding by Jon Acuff
K and I have been talking a lot about prayer lately. How to do it, why to do it, what does it mean exactly, that kind of thing. I think I have a better understanding now than I have in the past because every night I pray with S and I make sure to thank God for a lot of little things. One because I need to but two because I made the decision I want S to grow up hearing me be thankful for things that he or others around us take for granted. So in my lofty thought, I changed my own heart because it's not just going through the motions, it's really me being thankful for a grocery store that is nearby and that S gets to have his own cool room and for hugs and kisses from both my guys. This was my act of slowing down, and God doesn't seem so far away anymore. I liked this post because it's a reminder to slow down at other points besides in the evening when I'm getting S to bed.

Fall TV Preview 2012 from Television Without Pity
Love this web site, love that they do previews for each tv premier season. I watch too much tv.

the one where i make baked pumpkin pie oatmeal

When I was nursing S, I had to give up dairy because it turned him into a spit-up fountain. With that in mind, I'm stocking up my freezer slowly but surely with meals for us when this baby is born. I'm trying to do some non-dairy stuff because I can always add it back in if Baby C-2 tolerates it just fine! Spoiler alert, I really hope he does because that was such a pain in the ass. I heart cheese.

So, this week I tried a recipe that I was hoping really hard would turn out delicious so I could promptly make a crap-ton more and divy it up into individual containers for the freezer. And it totally did! I actually had everything on hand, so I used milk, but when I make it for the freezer, I'll use either soy or almond milk. I think both are delicious so I'm glad for the excuse!

Baked Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal from Budget Bytes.

Ingredients:
1 15 oz can of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups milk
2 1/2 cups dry old-fashioned oats

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, whisk together the pumpkin, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla, pumpkin pie spice, salt, and baking powder until smooth. Whisk in the milk.

Mix the dry oats into the bowl.

Coat an 8x8 baking dish with non-stick spray or oil. Pour in the pumpkin oats mixture. Cover with foil and bake for 30 min. Remove the foil and bake another 15 min.

Can be served hot right out of the oven, or refrigerated and served cold. I served up a portion in a bowl and poured cold milk on top and it was delicious. It keeps in the fridge for about a week. I popped a bowl of it in the microwave to heat it up and then added cold milk. So seriously good! 

It's almost like a loose custard with oats in it. I happened to have quick oats on hand, so that's what I used, but when I need more I'll try it with the old-fashioned oats. I think the texture will be a bit different but not the taste.

the one where i wrote a post for in the trenches

I almost forgot to mention I wrote another post over on www.inthetrenches.com. I'm grateful for the opportunity to write some more, and this is the first of what I hope will be many "top five" lists.

Have you ever seen the movie High Fidelity? Totally one of my all-time favorites. I love basically everything about it and every time I watch it I feel compelled to make top five lists about everything. It's fun to limit yourself to only five of the all-time best whatever.

Anyway, my post is called Five Fabulous Apps for Brand New Mamas! Check it out, let me know what you think, and tell me what your favorite mama apps are! I'm always looking for new ones.

the one where i make shepard's pie

This is not a super exciting recipe, but it is easy and cheap and filling and both my guys ate it with me. So it's a winner!

Earlier this week I made baked potato soup. It was alright. I've made it before when it was super delicious but it just didn't hit the spot this time. I wanted to use the rest of it up in something to not waste it, so I decided to make shepard's pie. I got a pound of ground meat and a small bag of frozen veggies to add to what I already had on hand and whipped it right up.

Ingredients:
1 lb ground meat of your choice.
2 bags of frozen veggies of your choice (or if you just have a bunch of veggies on hand, use those!)
2-4 cups of mashed potatoes
shredded cheese

Directions:
Brown and crumble the meat and season as you go. I used onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper, and salt. That's my go to seasoning set, but you can use whatever you think will taste good. I thought I had an onion, and I was going to chop that and cook it with the meat, but alas, I didn't have one tonight.

When the meat is cooked through, drain if necessary. Then add all the frozen veggies right to the skillet and stir through until everything is hot.

Put the meat and veggie mixture in a 9x13 pan.

Top with mashed potatoes.
(For tonight, I used the potato soup mixed with about two cups of instant mashed potatoes)

Top that with shredded cheese.

Bake at 350 for about 20 min, until it's all heated through and the cheese is melted.

Serve!

the one where i list some great stuff i read this week

I read about a kajillion blogs and articles a week because I can't help it. I have some sort of compulsion leading me to subscribe to tons of stuff on Google Reader and then do my best to clear it out at least by the weekend. I'm going to start sharing some of my favorites so maybe others can enjoy them as well! Here they are in no particular order:

Smooth Me Out, Soften Me Up. from Nish Happens
I identified a lot with this entry and feel like I could be friends with this woman. Or maybe I am a slightly different version of this woman. It's nice to see someone else have courage to just be themselves.

Losing My Sh*t at Disneyland by Elizabeth Esther
I judge people a lot, even when I don't mean to or think I've gotten past that. I think we all do. I think we should all take a step back and not worry about others so much.

God and Our Political Platforms by Rachel Held Evans
I watched a decent amount of each convention and I ultimately agreed with the speeches more from one convention, but I loved this little article about God not being a flag pin we can stick on anything. I think everyone needs to vote because it's important, but I also don't think God is a Republican or a Democrat. He's bigger than that. So, vote and then pray for whoever is elected because it's a big job. And let's honor God with our lives rather than thinking voting is going to do it for us.

From MomHeart.org Entertaining Angels by Stacy Buck
I actually edited this for Stacy. When I edit, I read through once just to get the gist of the piece. Then I go back through and correct any grammatical errors I see. Then I go through a third time and polish it all up. I teared up through each reading. If we each spent one day a month or so asking everyone we met, "What is your greatest need?" and then doing our best to meet it, I can't even picture what the results would be. It shouldn't take a hurricane for us to think about what we can do for others.

Has the new Baby Flipped Your House Upside Down? by Time Warp Wife
Obviously this is timely for me since I'm expecting to have my house flipped upside-down in about 14 weeks. The other day I got really freaked out about this and had to just tell myself to stop and table it until it was actually here because I have no idea what it's actually going to be like and there's no sense in getting myself worked up over it right now. But I loved that this article emphasized there is a time for everything, to embrace and to refrain from embracing. So, I will do my best. And I will put my first focus on making sure my two babies and my husband know they are loved from here to the moon and back and get to the cleaning when I can. It'll fall into place.

Free But Not Cheap by Ask Moxie
This is definitely worth the read if you are a mom, and especially if you are a mom of toddlers or younger. She talks about looking at the role of motherhood being a relationship rather than a job and what that means and I have to tell you, weight was lifted off my shoulders. I will be writing an entire blog post about this very soon because I had a very nice gentleman compliment me on S and say he wished his sons and grandsons were still that age as I was fighting back tears because S was wreaking havoc in Starbucks. I'm not kidding. Or exaggerating. When I focus on all the jobs of motherhood I have, the diapers and the potty training and the trying to get a variety of foods in his little tummy and the five thousand messes every day, I just cry. I feel more than inadequate. But when I focus on the hugs and kisses and watching his personality unfold and talking back and forth and the way he runs up and kisses my legs and runs off again, motherhood is easily the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm thankful I'm not the only one who feels this way and that someone else articulated something that has bubbled up inside of me.

What have you read that you think I should also read? Let me know what you think if you check any of these ones out!

the one where i talk about my parenting style

So we're in the middle of potty training S and it is a ginormous pain in the ass.

He is super excited to flush the toilet, talk about his penis and who else has one, and he loves his Thomas the Train and Toy Story underwear. But he will pee but not poop in the toilet. The Cars Pull-Ups that he also is super stoked to wear are different than diapers in that for some reason if he poops and it's not noticed immediately, he gets a rash on his little butt and he gets so busy playing that he doesn't want to take the time to let me clean him up and get him new Cars. So, diapers for nap time and overnight right now is what is absolutely necessary. It will all come together, and hopefully sooner rather than later so this mama only has to have one boy in diapers at a time.

I don't really know what I'm doing. That's my parenting style summed up in one sentence. I just love this kid a lot and do my best to be patient with him and myself. I get overwhelmed by the instructional mommyblogs. I like the ones that cuss and share pictures of crazy hair that lasted all day long.

Anyway, last night, S was freaking out because he didn't want to wear a diaper. He wanted to wear Cars or Tommy Choo-Choo or Buzz. I offered the compromise of wearing some too big underwear on top of his diaper. He couldn't decide between three different pairs. I suggested he ask Daddy for help deciding. And somehow, this turned into my son wearing one pair over his diaper, one pair over his pajama pants, and one pair over his head.

He was ridiculously happy. I was just tired. And he went to bed without any more fuss and took the pair off his head before getting in his bed.

So, I don't really know what I'm doing. I think a mom who was better organized and energized would have a way to have had her kiddo already potty trained by now, had a way for him to not wear a diaper at night, or been able to figure out a way to make wearing a diaper cool because it was just for night time. But I am exhausted. At the end of the night, I just need S to get in bed so I can get in bed. A happy kid is so much easier to get into his room than a kid who is upset.

Tonight I gave him a bath and he freaked out because he wanted to wear his shoes in the tub and I said no. But then I looked at the shoes (fake baby crocs) and realized they were super dirty and I didn't honestly care if he took a bath with those shoes on. So I told him I needed to wash them first and he was super excited. He wore his shoes in the tub, got his hair washed, his little body scrubbed down, and played until the bubbles all dissipated. Next bath time, I'll make sure to draw the bath, strip him down outside of the bathroom, and carry him in naked. He's still kind of easily distracted. Tonight he ran and got the shoes while I was getting the tub ready.

But again, I don't know if that was a smart thing to do or just lazy. I don't want to set these precedents where S just gets what he wants all the time. But right now, I just can't emphasize enough how tired I am. It is still ridiculously hot and I feel like I am getting bigger by the hour with this second baby.

I'm not super worried about this. I will admit that I am actively not thinking about how to handle any of this with two kids because it really freaks me out. Hopefully by the time the second one is two, I will have much more energy and direction. Or something.

the one where i make another list of happy things!

Here is a list of things making me happy this past week...

...the RNC and the DNC. I haven't caught as much as I would like to, but politics are ridiculously fascinating to me and there's little I like more than a good speech. So, basically, I'm in heaven.
...talking to my boss about who we would have dinner with if we could pick anyone in the world. Mine are super nerdy and a little boring and her's are all guys that could be considered very handsome.
...girl's night out! The fabulous Stephanie G arranged it because my birthday was a perfect excuse to get me out of the house with just girls for a few hours. It was seriously fantastic. I laughed ridiculously hard and ate good food and enjoyed one of the first pumpkin spice lattes of the season. It was sorely needed and I felt super spoiled because I was just stoked about the GNO and then my dinner was paid for and I got presents. And another bonus was I got to introduce a friend to some other friends and they all got along fabulously! Apparently this needs its own blog post!
...the fans we have, courtesy of my parents. I don't even want to think about what our electricity bill would be right now without the fans in our room and living room helping to cool down and circulate air considerably!
...gift cards to Barnes and Noble! I have a ridiculous amount of money total between a few gifts and I am so happy to have money designated for absolutely nothing practical. I HAVE to be frivolous and get books! I'm very excited to have choices of books for my Nook, especially for when this little baby is born and I'm up all hours feeding him!
...using my crockpot.
...starting to stock my large-ish freezer with meals for the future!
...both my guys got hair cuts and currently look extra handsome.
...we got new family pictures taken!
...my son's expression in said family pictures. He took rockin' pictures at 6 months old and at 1 year old. But 2 has not been the year of good pictures and not for lack of talented photographers!
...making plans for December for when my sister and her husband and their four kids come out to visit again!
...hoping my grandmother will also be coming out in December!
...I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week and I have a feeling we'll be able to get a better look at this little guy's face. We saw S's adorable chubby cheeks on ultrasounds and I'm hoping for another set of velvet cheeks to kiss a ridiculous amount on this little guy!
...today while driving to my baby-sitting gig, S was in the backseat singing a song he made up. The words were: "Mommy has a penis!" I don't really know how to get him to believe me that I don't, right now at least. But it makes me giggle.
...I think my hair is growing, which is great, because I want it nice and long again as soon as possible.
...larabars

the one where my son tells me about his day

I have talked to S all day every day since he was born. Partly because I know it's good for him to hear as big of a vocabulary as possible and partly because it helps me remember I kind of have a plan. Kind of anyway. But he's two and a half and he talks to me all day long now too and I love it! At the end of the day, as part of our bedtime routine, I sit in an easy chair in his room and he sits on my lap and we pray together and he tells me about his day.

So tonight, I prayed for him and then I asked him how his day was. He told me he had the hiccups (he did), and he told me everyone he played with today. Then he said, "Daddy has a penis. Sa-son has a penis." and kissed me on the cheek and hopped down to get in bed.

I really like being a mom. You never know what is going to happen next!

the one where i link to "proud" on in the trenches

I'm part of a not-for-profit group called In the Trenches. I'm on the board and have done social media for this group of mamas for a little over the year. I've stepped back to focus on editing and creating content for the web site at www.inthetrenches.com.

Here is my latest post! It's called Proud and it's about my two year old. Let me know what you think! Either here, or on that site. :)

the one where i cook spinach tortellini soup!

My favorite web site to get recipes from is budgetbytes.blogspot.com. The recipes are budget friendly, fairly healthy, and since there are step by step photos, never daunting. There's a huge variety of food to be found and some of our menu staples came from that site. I honestly have no idea how I initially found it, but the same can basically be said about all of my favorite blogs!

Anyway, today, the lovely author posted a recipe for spinach tortellini soup. I had a sneaking suspicion I had most of the ingredients on hand, and sure enough, I did! A grocery store trip was in order anyway, so I just picked up the tortellini and some garlic bread to go with it too.

You can find the recipe here, but also, here it is for your convience:

Ingredients:
2 tbsp olive oil
1 small yellow onion
4 cloves garlic
1 28 oz can tomato sauce
1 28 oz can crushed or diced tomatoes
28 oz water
1 tsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
15-20 cranks fresh cracked pepper
1 12 oz package tortellini (check the dried pasta, frozen, and dairy/deli sections for the best deal)
1 10 oz box frozen spinach
salt to taste

Directions:
1. Dice the onion and mince the garlic. Add to a large pot with the olive oil. Cook over medium low heat until the onions are transclucent.

2. Add the can of tomatoes, can of tomato sauce, and 1 can of water to the pot. Add the basil, oregano, and pepper to the pot. Increase the heat to bring the pot to a simmer.

3. Add the tortellini and spinach (no need to thaw if frozen). Cook until heated through, the spinach is full incorporated, and the tortellini is tender. Season to taste with salt.

Serve with crusty bread and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese! Yummo!

I added about 2 cups of beef broth because I felt like it need a tiny bit more depth of flavor. I had a bowl with S (his had very little broth but he gobbled the tortellini and spinach right up!). I'm going to let the soup cool off and put half in freezer bags and in my new large-ish freezer. I'm so excited to be able to freeze meals as I go and make things a little easier and cheaper in the meal department of my life!

the one where we got a new family picture!

Dear Samson,

You are two years old. I think you were only a terrible two year old for a couple of days, and for that I am very grateful. You have one parent who has never met a stranger in his life and another who was her mother's "velcro child" for at least the first five years of her life in that she would attach herself to her mother's leg rather than let her leave. So somewhere in the middle of all of that, this has been the summer of not particularly great professional pictures. Not horrendously awful, but not fantastic.

You can be very shy and I think the concept of getting your pictures taken is kind of a weird one to you. But that's okay. I told the photographer today not to worry about getting you to smile. We would look at whatever pictures we got today and remember you were two and weren't really into the whole idea of professional pictures. She relaxed quite a bit.

But nevertheless, I'm pretty pleased with what we got! One last official family picture before Baby C-2 joins us. I'm a happy mama.

the one where i make another list of happy things!

Here is a small list of things making me happy this week...

...I am now 24 weeks pregnant and still not high risk! It is kind of amazing that my blood pressure is so gorgeous. It could shoot up any time, but I will still be grateful for making it over halfway only having to see one doctor!
...I have sheets on my bed that are striped and are white, orange, yellow, pink, and red. That makes me happy. As does the fact K doesn't mind one bit.
...back-rubs
...my birthday was on Tuesday!
...I got to have some food with a good friend I haven't chatted with in too long.
...there is more celebrating to do on Saturday!
...my parents AND my husband each got me a non-stick skillet and they are different and it means I can easily make over-easy eggs at home. (I kind of hate my stainless steel pot/pan set but can't afford to replace it)
...Teen Mom is over. It just got too messy and I feel bad for the kids. So I'm glad I don't even have the option of tuning in anymore.
...S is working on potty training and it's going super well!
...the way S very seriously tells me he has a penis and a butt almost every time he's on the potty.
.,,school started which means my baby-sitting gig has a much more defined schedule.
...my hair is actually getting longer, finally!
...K was eating all the Sour Patch Kids except the red ones so he could give me a box of just red ones.
...little Baby C-2 is a crazy kicking machine.
...they made the left turn signal a blinking yellow at Callaghan and Bandera. I can't tell you how many times I've sat there waiting for the light to turn green when there are no cars around at all!
...my birthday is over so it's officially time to get super excited about our wedding anniversary!

the one where i talk about when i got married

K and I got married in September 2009. We were living together and had talked about getting married on 10-10-10. Then around the middle to end of July 2009, I found out I was pregnant. K asked if I wanted to get married before the baby was born so we would all three have the same last name, and I did. That's the pragmatic reason. I was crazy in love with him too. We decided to get married in September so we could tell that baby we didn't get married just because of him. It was two separate events, me finding out I was pregnant and us getting hitched. I don't know how much that will matter to S. I'll get back to you in a decade or two.

At the beginning of August, we told my parents and grandmother, who was visiting from California, we were getting married in the middle of September. We had planned to go to the courthouse with our immediate family members and then go out to eat someplace we didn't typically eat, like The Cheesecake Factory, with everyone to celebrate. My parents said no. I got scared for a second, even though I was 29 years old. My mom said that they had paid for my sister to have a lovely wedding and they would like to do the same for me. No pressure on venue or style, but we would go someplace better than The Cheesecake Factory, and wouldn't I like a new dress?

Before we let them pay for anything, we told them I was pregnant and that was the motivation behind getting married then, but not the motivation behind us getting married. They weren't thrilled, but by the end of that conversation, I think my mom was excited for a new grandbaby.

I went dress shopping with my mom, grandmother, and one of my friends and we found a lovely dress. I had a personal shopper for the day and got the perfect shoes, earrings, and necklace to match perfectly with the dress. It was so much fun!

We decided to stick with the courthouse wedding because that's what we really wanted, and my mom looked into a few restaurants. She asked how we felt about eating at The Palm because we could get a private room and choose a menu for everyone. That was basically amazing and we were very excited about it.

I still love our wedding. We were in the judge's chambers and it was packed but it still felt like it was just me, K, and the judge. Our vows were good and the judge said "You may now kiss your wife" which I'd never heard before at a wedding and made me melt. Our moms cried. We took pictures and got to ride in a limo to take pictures at various spots before meeting everyone at The Palm for dinner.

It was a nice dinner and a fun time with our families. That night, K and I decided that every year for our anniversary, we'd go back to eat at The Palm, even if it took us months to save up to do so. And that's what we've done!

This is going to be our third year, and our first anniversary date that will go over night. I am very excited. We have been stashing money away a tiny bit at a time and will have enough for dinner. Our hotel stay is courtesy of a fabulous Groupon deal and literally the first time we've used a credit card as a married couple. And it's just a few weeks away, so it's pretty much time to pour over the menu online and think about what I get to order!

the one where i make a list of happy things!

It's Wednesday so it's time for another list of happy things going on for Melissa!

...K felt the baby kick for the first time last night! He's a strong little guy! I don't remember when K was first able to feel S kick, but it seems like it took longer.
...making plans for my birthday! It's in a week, in case you want to bring me some yellow cake with chocolate frosting!
...being thankful for the lack of morning sickness in my life. I'd much rather deal with the problem of the seemingly bottomless appetite I have than knowing where any and all bathrooms are in case of a quick desperate need.
...still thinking about the drummer at church on Sunday. I need something I can be so passionate about that others see it clear as day in me when I'm doing it.
...S is mildly obsessed with Sesame Street. Of all the kids shows ever, it's still my favorite. It's like visiting my own childhood for a little bit when we watch it together.
...S is definitely obsessed with monsters and it is freaking hysterical. He raises his arms and roars ferociously and tells me he's a monster. I'm hoping this means we can skip all fears of a monster in the closet or under the bed. Right now, he'd think that was amazeballs.
...so many kisses for me every day. Good morning from my husband, kisses through the day, and a whole good night routine with S that gets me at least ten from him and the chance to kiss each of his velvet cheeks several times. Pure happiness.
...getting ready to potty train! A break from diapers? What?!
...ice cold drinks. Mostly sparkling water.
...fresh berries
...getting into bed at the end of the day. Even better of the end of the day is dusk.
...writing more

the one where i mention "church" and "amazeballs" together

I am still a little sick. I am more than a little tired of being sick. But I am feeling much better and we went to church today. The children's area is divided up into themed rooms and S goes to the Jungle now. I love the themes... He started in the Beehive before he knew how to walk, went to the Barnyard, and then hit the Jungle when he turned three. The thing about the Jungle is they do art projects every week. My church doesn't mess around when it comes to talking to people, even the littles, about Jesus and that is something I appreciate very much. Saying S loves to color is a huge understatement. The pictures are taped to the door so the parents can grab them as they pick up their children. S either has two sheets when everyone else has one or his is at least double filled up compared to everyone else's. My artist husband is thrilled about this.

He cried and called for us as we left him there today but we both know the adults in that room will call us if they need to and that when we go to pick S up, we will more than likely have to wait for him to do just one more thing before he's ready to leave. And sure enough, that's what happened today.

K and I sat in the row for people with small children because there is a bit more room and I can sit on the end and not have to move at all which is lovely since even though I'm not huge yet, I'm really awkward and definitely sweaty pretty much all the time. Still being a little sick, I didn't stand for the singing time and I didn't sing because when I talk too much I start coughing. Honestly though, I don't know how much I would have sang anyway.

The guy on drums this morning was completely amazeballs. I mean, really. I love music. I have gone to a gazillion concerts. I have seen different kinds of music. I have had many musician friends, including a drummer that I spent a fair amount of time with. But I have truly never seen or heard a better drummer than this man. Getting to watch anyone do anything with passion is remarkable. I appreciated so much that this guy was playing like that for church.

I don't know him, but one time he was at Starbucks with another guy who plays guitar at our church and I told him (the guitar player) that when he started playing a particular song I thought to myself, "Holy crap balls, that guy can play! And I get to hear it in CHURCH!" Luckily they both laughed and mentioned that it was nice to hear "holy crap balls" in reference to something that happened at church.

I feel that way a lot about City Church. I really do. I am so thankful that my husband works at a Starbucks down the road from the church offices and that the staff there prayed for us to start coming. Because we did, in a seemingly random set of circumstances, and our lives are so much better now than they were a year and a half ago.

the one where i talk about what kind of pregnant lady i am

I have had the good fortune of being around a decent number of pregnant ladies that I actually know. And of course there are tons more of women who are pregnant walking around the grocery store or showing up on tv that I don't know but I see. A lot of the time I see cute clothes, maybe a little waddling, and generally put together women. Every so often there is someone that is just gorgeous and whether it's because or in spite of being pregnant, you just can't help for look for maybe a beat less than it would take to make you a weirdo.

I am not that lady.

I am the pregnant lady who stopped wearing makeup because it melts off when I go outside. Actually, it starts melting off when I walk around the house. I moisturize and skip the rest unless it's something important, like a wedding. And then I am a little nervous the whole time that the makeup is literally dripping down my face but no one wants to say anything.

I am the pregnant lady who has food on her shirt and also has no idea she has food on her shirt. I also am the pregnant lady who once discovering the food, will wipe it off but probably not change the shirt because why bother now and get a whole new shirt dirty?

I am the pregnant lady that is short of breath after eating something (any food, any amount) and having to pick her toddler up and carry him some place (any distance, any amount of time).

I am the pregnant lady who has frizzy hair pulled back into a ponytail because I kind of needed a shower the night before but was so stinking tired I just got in bed instead and hoped a little extra hairspray would help a sister out the next day.

I am the pregnant lady who reads that at 22 weeks I should be feeling good and instead I just sigh and stop reading that passage in my handy pregnancy app because I already feel like a slightly lumbering stuffed couch.

I am the pregnant lady who has to pee and is almost always also hungry every time I stand up.

I am the pregnant lady who is thrilled to be having a second baby and trying not to complain very much to people outside of my husband because I actually am very happy about our family and this little one growing inside me.

I am the pregnant lady who would like to look a little more put together but can't currently fathom the energy to make it happen.

the one where there are things making me happy and i make a list of them

Wednesday! Time to make a list of things making me happy this week!

...we are getting very close to being able to potty train S (I think) and just the idea of taking a break from diapers makes me VERY happy!
...I found a coupon for a very cheap haircut for S at a place I've taken him before with good results! I heart coupons.
...I had a date night with my hubs! Pasha, which is Mediterranean food, and it was delicious.
...I tried baba ganoush for the first time and really liked it.
...I really liked baba ganoush so much that I found a recipe and made some at home the next day. It was very close to the restaurant version and very much delicious.
...at my last OB appointment, instead of using the doppler to hear the heartbeat, my doctor wheeled in the old ultrasound machine for a quick look see. My sweet boy waved at me. And his heart was beating beautifully.
...my mom got me low sugar apricot jam. Wahoosie!
...my biggest baby-sitting client told me how her husband raved about me to her the other day. I like hearing nice things about myself.
...it's August! It's my birthday month and also although it is stinking hot right now, fall is around the corner! Maybe some relief for me and our electricity bill!
...donating to a garage sale for a good cause means I got to get rid of three giant boxes already and may still be able to cart some more out of there. Whew.
...I have a very small collection of new itty bitty clothes for Baby C-2. I still have all of the clothes from when S was itty bitty and I'm excited to go through them and see what I've got for the first few months.
...coffee with my fantastic friend the fabulous Lori! It was really great to talk to her and laugh. She is very much a kindred spirit.
...watching K and S color together. He's a really good dad.
...weirdly, when I order a Route 44 Water with Lemon at Sonic, they now put exactly the amount of lemon I really want in it. This makes me happy even though a few months ago when I was specifying an amount, they would freak out about it every time.
...watching Friends on Nick at Nite. I don't know if I will ever get tired of that show. I wish it was more socially acceptable to quote from it all the time in public.
...on Saturday, I get to go to a leadership training event to be involved in the step study program at my church! That program changed my life and I am thrilled to maybe help someone else go through it.
...K and I almost have a name for our baby. It's not 100% yet. We probably won't share it any time soon because we may change our minds a few more times and people get really weird about baby names.
...this little baby loves any and all Asian food. Fine by me! I could eat Thai or Japanese food every day for the rest of my life and be a happy girl.
...the other night I asked K if he wanted to give S a bath or if he wanted to vacuum S's room and change his sheets. K chose cleaning the room which was awesome because sitting next to the tub is totally the easier of the two! Plus we were a dynamic team, getting S all nice and clean and set for a good night in his room.
...S seriously has the best hair ever. It's super wavy and thick. I love it and every time I wash it I realize just how much of it there is. He was basically bald for the first year of his life but this hair was definitely worth the wait!
...thinking about what this second baby is going to look like. We had said if we got to pick, S would have had K's hair color and my eye color. He is the opposite. I wonder what the odds are of this baby having black hair and blue eyes. He's going to be gorgeous no matter what though!
...baby-sitting a RIDICULOUS amount all of the sudden. I mean, I'm exhausted, but I am relieved to have a nice amount of money coming in. And then school will start and it will be a much regular gig.
...looking at getting a new to us car for K. So, by the way, if you know anyone selling a used car that we can talk to, let me know! Our wish list is pretty low key. Working a/c, windows that roll up and down, doors that lock, a radio, and no random leaks that no one can figure out exactly what they are.
...at church on Sat, the pastor from the church in Liberia we sent Bibles to at Christmas time spoke for just a quick minute. It was just very very cool. Also, one of our pastors gave him a Spurs shirt as gift and he just put it on over the shirt he had on right away. I thought that was really neat.

the one where it's a list of happy things!

I'm still actually sick, but there are things making me happy anyway!

...sauerkraut. I had no idea it was so cheap at the grocery store! My friend just gave me a recipe to make my own and it's ridiculously easy (and kind of disgusting), but for now the giant jar I got for less than two dollars is delicious.
...fresh red cherries and how they stain my fingers as I eat them.
...baby-sitting like a mofo
...my son's insistence that he do everything himself. Honestly, sometimes this is very annoying, but most of the time I just revel in the fact that he's growing up and wants to be independent.
...THE OLYMPICS
...this new little baby jumping all around all crazy-like
...pregnancy sex
...someone made this compiliation of what Olympic divers look like in the middle of their dives. And then someone took those pictures and put them all on toilets. And every time I see it, I laugh heartily. I was clearly MEANT to be a mom of two boys! Boys think that kind of stuff is hilarious, right?
...the ten year old girl I baby-sit made me a list of name suggestions for Baby C-2 because she is concerned we haven't decided yet.
...ice cold water
...ice cold sparkling water
...starting to feel a little bit better, thankfully
...getting to write on a more regular basis for In the Trenches in the not so distant future.
...the lady I baby-sit for most often told me I'm one of the most patient people she's ever seen, with my kid AND with her kids. Once her son threw his homework at me and I calmly said, "Well, I don't know how you're going to get it done if it's all the way over here." She said she still thinks about how her reaction would have been the polar opposite.
...reading five thousand blogs a day on my iPhone.
...my iPhone.
...Pioneer Woman recipes. I very rarely make them exactly as written because she typically includes a couple of sticks of butter, but even with alterations, they are freaking delicious.
...Beverly Hills Nannies. So I don't make $35-40 an hour, but I also don't have to get colonics or eye lash extensions to have a job either. I feel like that is a more than fair trade.
...being more than halfway through this pregnancy
...It's August! It's my birthday month!
...having a husband that totally gets it when I say I really need a night off.
...having a husband who tells me it's time for a date night (but I still get a night off too).
...Twitter. (@meljamc)
...chocolate milk
...chocolate milkshakes
...eating in general
...texting
...having friends who sincerely pray for me and my family
...my third wedding anniversary is in a month!

the one where i mention i messed up a little bit with my son

When S was closer to an itty bitty than toddler, I taught him how to fist pump and high five and forgot about teaching him how to give kisses. Not because he's a boy, because fist pumping while chanting "Fresh new diaper!" was hysterical to me. Luckily, later on, he picked up on blowing kisses by himself and then a little after that suddenly started giving us kisses on the cheek. I hug and kiss that little guy several times a day because he's a great kid and also because he has these adorable velvet chubby cheeks that are just begging to be kissed. I figure I've got to get it in now before he gets all embarrassed that his mom is kissing him again!

Every night as I get him ready for bed, I ask him for a kiss and turn my cheek towards him. I keep turning my head back and forth asking for kisses until he starts laughing. I love it. I love that he'll give me fifty kisses and that he thinks it's funny that I keep asking for another one.

The other night I was just tired and not feeling well and wanting to get him in bed so I could just get in bed myself. I just asked for one kiss on each cheek and then went to give him a kiss. He looked crestfallen for a split second. And I asked for more kisses. I honestly had no idea that he liked giving me those kisses as much as I liked getting them. I thought that was my own weird mama thing, but it turns out he thinks it's cool too.

I love that kid. I love being a mom.

the one where i make a list of things making me happy this week

Even if you're sick, there can still be things making you happy! Here are some of them...

...I am 20 weeks along today which means I am at least halfway there. S was a few weeks early, so there's even that!
...talking about boy names for real now with K.
...finding it funny that we haven't decided on any names, first or middle, for Baby C-2 yet.
...kissing S' fabulous velvet cheeks. The ones on his face. I've never kissed his butt.
...100% cranberry juice with no sugar added
...getting to go to a free breastfeeding class where I learned a lot and feel much better about the support I will have this time around.
...encouraging random pregnant ladies.
...the whole toddler bed/S bed time thing starting to get a little better
...my husband giving me a back rub every night
...my husband bringing me passion tea lemonade with raspberry instead of classic, even when I don't specifically ask him to
...pickles
...my hair is crazy super thick and actually seems to be getting longer!
...S and his amazing dance moves at K's cousin's wedding last Friday
...mariachis
...scoring an amazing Groupon that means we can get one more family picture in before December. So that'll be one at six months for S and then one where he's two. Easily repeatable with Baby C-2!
...the very very occasional Dr. Pepper with lime.
...being mostly off of caffeine, except for the very very occasional Dr. Pepper with lime.
...THE OLYMPICS
...McKayla Maroney's vault was so amazingly beautiful that I literally cried
...my love of gymnastics being based on the fact that I took a class one time when I was like 8 and was HORRIBLE at it. I literally walked across the balance beam once without falling. And I was scared of the uneven bars. So I am astounded at the beauty, grace, and strength of those ladies. And blown away.
...reading with S.
...encouragement from random people at random times that actually lets me know God is watching and taking care of me
...hot showers
...fresh fruit. Gobs and gobs of fresh fruit. Cherries, apples, cantaloupe, strawberries. Get in my belly!
...trading morning sickness for being ravenous but still having a total weight gain of 2 pounds so far in my pregnancy
...Twitter

the one where i am sick and exhausted and can't stop the thoughts from spinning

We are having a meeting with my in-laws on Friday morning to talk about the money we owe them. I have no idea what to expect because I didn't know that we had borrowed anything. I rarely know what to expect with them anyway though, honestly. I'm just trying to keep my chin up and not worry about something I have no details about. It's tough though. I'm pregnant. There is no small thing in my life right now. Everything is HUGE.

K and I have already talked about me probably needing to go back to work once this baby is born. I am beyond intimidated by finding a job, finding daycare, turning my babies over to a place or someone while I go work and then come home to run the household. I'm not so great at running the household when I'm in it all day every day. In some ways that will probably be easier because I'll be able to focus better on how to spend my time. It hurts my heart to think about not being there for every single milestone of Baby C-2's first year especially because I was there for S. But the reason I was there was mostly because the job I had when I got pregnant was awful. I was put on medical leave because it was a difficult pregnancy and by the time I had S, my position was filled. I didn't fight that. My paycheck would have gone directly to daycare at the time.

So here I am, thinking about what to do. I don't think we have the luxury of me staying home with two kids. I think we could make it a little longer if I go to nursing school and then have an actual career to start after that. I'm just not sure that's the best option either. I've been thinking about becoming a nurse for awhile, so it's not just a random idea. If I don't do it now, I'll probably do it in the future. I don't have any job prospects right now. I don't know if it's better to start applying now or just wait until after the baby is born.

One of the biggest things I hate in life is feeling stuck. Feeling like where I am is where I will always be because I don't see anything changing at all. I don't have the wanderlust that I used to have which is good in some ways but in other ways I miss it a little bit. I want to be working towards something. I like having a to do list and crossing things off that mean I get to move to the next step of life. K and I have been struggling to get all the bills paid for so long that it feels like this is how it's always going to be and I really hate it.

He had this job offer awhile back that fell through. It was going to be a lot more money than we have coming in right now. The first thing both of us thought we could do with that much money was give in a significant way to our church and be able to really help some people. I wanted to make little thank you notes with some sort of small treat for everyone at the WIC office because I cannot even tell you how much I appreciate the kindness and helpfulness I've been treated with every time I go in there. The list is pretty long. I haven't given up on that whole train of thought but it just seems so incredibly far away from where we are right now.

I'm pregnant and I'm sick with a nasty cold and I have to take care of a toddler while being both pregnant and sick. So I'm exhausted and everything seems much bigger than it may actually be. But if you could just pray for us, it would mean a lot. We need some encouragement. I am so thankful and so blessed that K and I have a strong relationship and tackle everything as a team. I just hope it gets a little bit easier soon.

the one where i whine for a quick minute

There are a lot of things that are hard about being a mom that you just have no real concept of until you're in the midst of it all. Today I'd like to focus on what it's like to be sick and be a mom of a toddler.

It blows.

I was telling K just the other day that I don't think S will see me as an actual person until he's in his late teens and that may be if I'm lucky. But right now for sure I'm just this person who he definitely loves, but is supposed to be all about him. And most of the time I probably him. He has no concept of me having a headache, or being tired, or being grumpy. So I think today as I sat on the couch drained of most of my energy from being pregnant and having a cold with no medicine to take to alleviate any of the symptoms, he felt like I needed a cuddle but his two year old version of cuddling is climbing all over me, brushing my hair into my face, and licking my arm.

I love that kid, I really do. But I counted down the hours until I could get him to bed and it be reasonable.

For the record, when I'm not feeling well, I prefer soup (hot and sour if I get to pick), very cold sparkling water, and my bed. Not having someone lick my arm and giggle manically.

the one where i mention we're having another boy!

K's mom has been really interested in baby-sitting for us and I have been really interested in letting her. It is so lovely to go to an OB appointment and leave a urine sample all by myself. S is a fantastic kid and does really well in the waiting room and everything, but since she wants to keep him, it makes things a lot easier!

K and I were able to drop S off and then had enough time to get something quick to eat before going to the doctor. We stopped at a little coffee shop and I had an almond latte and a breakfast taco and it made me way happier than is reasonable. Almond is my favorite everything and ever since Starbucks stopped carrying it, I honestly haven't found a good replacement drink. So my almond latte was delicious. And it was nice to talk to the couple that runs the coffee shop. I could see me and K having a little place like that someday maybe.

Then, the ultrasound! The sonographer asked us if we wanted to know the gender before she started and we said we did. I'm glad we did want to know because when the baby popped up on the screen, it was immediately apparent it was a boy! Everything else looks good. Heart has four working chambers, brain is where it's supposed to be, there's a stomach and kidneys, and I saw hands and feet moving around. There is a small concern about the umbilical cord placement. My doctor is not very worried and there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm not going to dwell on it. We'll probably do another big ultrasound sooner than normal to check on the baby's growth. I'm 19 weeks and he is measuring 20 weeks so it seems like everything is just fine!

K asked me how I felt about having another boy. I'm delighted. I would be just as delighted if we had found out it was a girl. When I found out S was a boy, I was a little nervous because I didn't know what to do with a boy. I think I would have felt nervous about a girl, but found my pacing quickly again. But, I get to keep making sound effects for everything and fart noises and getting button up shirts and itty bitty pants with animals on the butts. One of my friends said we will need to schedule regular girls night outs and I wholeheartedly agree. There is going to be a lot of testosterone and noise in my house!

I'm due on 12/19 but I'm hoping for a little bit of an earlier arrival. I know my baby boy will always battle people calling him a Christmas baby since he'll have a December birthday, but I can fight for him for awhile to not get Christmas themed stuff for his birthday or too many combined presents and that kind of thing. But it would be a tiny bit easier if he was born closer to the beginning of the month. We'll see. And my mom is also a December baby so she'll commiserate with him if he needs it.

We're having a boy!

the one where i talk about my house with only minimal sighing

We have done a whole lot of unorganized and rushed moving in the past few years. We moved into my parents house for awhile right after we got married because I was very unexpectedly pregnant and it was a bit of a rough pregnancy that put me on medical leave from my job. We had no savings to be able to fill in the gaps. Luckily, as we considered our options, my parents graciously let us move into their house and take over two rooms. We got out of our apartment quickly and moved most of our stuff into a storage unit. It was all very haphazard. It is difficult to pack while freaking out about a hundred things and not really having any ab muscles.

We moved out of my parents' house into our current residence quickly as well. This time we moved with a six month old baby and with K working two jobs. All unpacking fell on me. My main goal was to get stuff out of boxes. We have two ginormous bookshelves in the front of the house that are still a big mess because I just got stuff out of boxes and onto the shelves, intending to go through and organize everything later. It still hasn't happened.

This house is three bedrooms and we are very fortunate to live here in a lot of ways. In some other ways, it is a giant pain in the ass. The house had not been well maintained for who knows how long and we are still struggling with a small bug problem that will hopefully and finally be taken care of by the time we bring home our second baby. The floors are hardwood but abused hardwood. I vacuum and mop often but there are water stains, paint, and marks from carpet being in here at some point and then ripped up. We painted the whole inside of the house before moving in and had a friend help us. He did not do a great job but we had no time to fix it and let the house air out before moving in, so it is what it is. We had a plumbing issue a few months ago and somewhere in there, the toilet in the hall bathroom isn't working anymore. We have central air but have to turn it off during the hottest part of the day because it simply can't keep up. The garage is packed from floor to ceiling with stuff that isn't ours and I believe contributes to the bug problem. But, it's cheap and it's our home for the time being. I have a renewed interest in really making the best of it.

On Saturday, my parents kept S while K and I emptied out his room, cleaned it from top to bottom, and put in slightly different furniture. The changing table and crib are out, the little dresser and tall skinny bookshelf are back, and the toddler bed is new. We got a new area rug for him (of the solar system, on which he excitedly points out all the stars to me every time we go in his room together) and will get some curtains soon. We were able to move a bunch of toys into the room from the living room and as soon as I am able to go through the rest of the stuff in the living room, even more will be transferred. S LOVES his room. He like running around in it, playing, jumping on the bed, fake snoring on the bed, playing with me... He likes everything in his room except bed time and nap time.

I am so glad to have an entire room of the house in good shape. It is clean, it will be easy to maintain that cleanliness, I will be able to move even more stuff in there soon, and my son really likes it. It feels good in there. It smells nice and clean. It feels like it has a real purpose and intentional. I am excited to decorate it a little bit more and proud of all of our efforts to make it a nice place for S to be.

Now, for the rest of the house. The third room was going to be an office but turned kind of into a junk room. Know how a lot of people have a junk drawer? This is like a junk room. We have to get rid of some of the furniture in there and clean the room and get the crib and changing table set up in there. We'll need curtains and space for baby clothes and gear. The bookshelves in the living room need to be cleared off, contents sorted through, and then all put back together but in a usable and organized way this time. And our bedroom needs to be cleaned out. There's a pile of stuff for a garage sale and the closet has some boxes in it that we need to go through.

It's all a bit daunting because I really want to be done by November since the baby is due in December. But, when I go into S's room, I feel like I can do it. We did that in one day and I have months to get everything else done. It'll be a little easier after S gets over hating nap and bed time, but I am ridiculously hopeful we'll get to that point soon. Maybe by the end of the week? I hope that's not a crazy thought.

Thankful for so much in my house, including the reminder that the next time we move it needs to be more organized and intentional.

I can do this.