you are true, you are true, even in my wandering

K and I started going to church five or six weeks ago and actually haven't missed a Sunday since we started. There's this church down the road from the Starbucks he works at and just about all the pastors are regulars. I actually remember most of them from when I was working at that store as well. They like to have meetings there or just stop and get drinks on the way to and from places. We decided to try their church first because of the way they all are at Starbucks. No one is perfect, and we certainly don't expect them to be. But all of them are nice. And genuine. Really, those two things go a long way. When you can see that someone is trying to do the right thing in a situation as small as getting coffee and pastries on a regular basis, over a series of years even, I think it says a lot.

So when we decided we were going to go to church as a family and there are probably literally thousands of churches in San Antonio, we just decided to try theirs first and see what it was like. We LOVE it. The music is loud and GOOD. The speakers have challenged us every week but also given us something practical we can do every week. K and I talk about the Bible verses or the message through the week. We've been checking S into one year old church and although that hasn't been something he's crazy about, I think it's good for all three of us. He gets to play with different toys, meet other kids, and know that if we drop him off, we're coming back to get him.

We usually pick S up and then go back to the auditorium and chat with whoever we see that we know. I really like that part of the day as well. Everyone loves S, which is kind of like loving me. I think it's funny that everyone remembers his name and is slightly unsure of mine. I don't find it offensive or anything, because I think it's great that my little guy already makes such great impressions on people. A couple of weeks ago, one of the guys we were talking to basically told us he wasn't trying to or planning on pressuring us but he was excited to see where and how we'd serve in the church. I had already been thinking about it and I had a few ideas. Whenever I think of new things to do though, I always get stuck on what to do with S. He's too big for me to just take with me and it not be cumbersome at all. He wants to run around and explore and touch things and take things apart and put them back together. He's too little for me to expect him to sit next to me or to sit in a particular area and keep himself entertained. There's nothing wrong with any of this, but it makes it difficult to think about volunteering somewhere.

Saturday, I got to go to a woman's ministry event called the Mom:Inar. I completely loved it. It was so nice to get encouragement and feel pampered and be able to go home and feel refreshed. I'm not the only mom who struggles to keep on top of laundry! I'm not the only mom who gets nervous about making a weekly commitment to something on top of everything I'm already doing! I'm not the only mom who wants to read to my baby on a regular basis but has no idea WHAT to actually read! They are about to launch a new program called Band of Mothers and I am really excited to have a small group that is all moms. I talked to the leader afterward because I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I can help in so many different ways! I can serve and be fed at the same time, and I totally don't have to worry about S because it's going to be doing stuff with other moms so they will either understand or we will have childcare available.

I'm really excited to be going to church as a family. I'm really excited to be going to THIS church as a family. I'm really excited to dig in and get my hands dirty and help do something for other moms.

It's a good feeling.

insert olympic theme here

Sorry for the dead air around here. I was sick with a cold for a little bit (now I just passed that around the rest of my family, what a good sharer am I) and now I'm on bed rest. I think new posts are going to be hit or miss for a little bit around here but I will try to work on it. But here's a little update anyway!

Bed rest is not as awesome as it may sound. My blood pressure had been fantastically low until last week. I take it at home twice a day and write it on a log for the doctors to see so I'm very aware of it. It just started creeping up for no particular reason. Well except for the part where I'm pregnant I guess. It didn't seem super worrisome to me because my blood pressure has definitely been higher in the past. But when I went to the high risk doctor for my weekly non-stress test, the bottom number was pretty high. I didn't really think anything of it until they came in to take my blood pressure again after I'd been sitting in the recliner listening to the baby for awhile and then I knew something was up.

So I was in the ultrasound room with my husband and sister-in-law and my favorite ultrasound technician and two people came in to tell me that because of my blood pressure I need to be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. I couldn't help it, I started crying. The baby had been super wiggly while we were doing the non-stress test and basically uncooperative and I was really tired. And also I don't know if I've mentioned this but I cry ALL OF THE TIME. Commercials, Olympic events, text messages, a passage in a book... It's ridiculous. It just took me by such surprise because despite being told at the beginning of my pregnancy that I could die or the baby could die or we could both die, things have been pretty non-eventful. Outside of the insane morning sickness that lasted two trimesters and getting put on medical leave I guess. I had started to think I was going to make it to the end without any of the awful scenarios they lectured me on at the beginning.

I've been getting headaches about every other day and although they haven't been violent, they are apparently related to the blood pressure. So I have a list of symptoms I need to call the doctor for should they pop up and I'm to spend more time laying down than up moving around. My blood pressure has to level off or go down because the next step is a hospital stay or being induced.

If I can hold on for two more weeks, the baby is considered full term. And actually the baby is doing great! S/he weighs 5 lbs 13 oz and most often you aren't allowed to take the baby home from the hospital until they hit five pounds. Also s/he has been making breathing movements for at least three weeks and has continued to grow like gangbusters, all of which indicate a happy and healthy kid in there.

It's difficult to just stay down. There are baby clothes to be washed, sorted, and put away. There are boxes in my room that need to be packed up again and taken to the storage unit so it doesn't look like such a ridiculous disaster area in there. I like to cook things that are involved. And I like to not be stuck in the house.

To anyone who is working outside the home, I'm sure mandated bed rest sounds like a fantastic idea. If I was still working, I'm sure being at home would make my blood pressure drop pretty nicely. But now I'm just at home and limited on what I'm allowed to do. The part where it's not super specific is frustrating to people around me, I'm sure. I get it and I know my blood pressure and what it means. Also, my due date isn't for five weeks and I have at least one doctor appointment a week until then so things could (probably will?) change. I'm not sure that I was officially diagnosed with preeclampsia, but I'm at least on the very edge and it's not something to mess around with.

So, all in all, I'll be at home. Visitors are fine! Especially if you want to bring some magazines, a movie, or a book for me to borrow. :) Thank heavens the Olympics are on. I think I might just try to have all my babies where the Olympics are on at the very end because it is fantastic to be able to watch so much of so many different sports I don't necessarily know anything about.

it's been awhile

I've been busy being very stressed by my job and the task of trying to find a new one discreetly while also going to school. That's the crux of it. Also, there's been a lot of things going on that I've been quite content to talk to K about rather than sort them out through writing. I think that's pretty cool and I'm glad we have such a relationship where I let all my crazy hang right out in the open, but it does kind of turn into a bummer for those who are staying on top of my life by reading my blog.

I have quit the one job and have a job offer someplace else which I am very excited about. Today I baby-sat for a dear friend and I have to say that I love little babies. I wasn't always this woman who enjoyed the little tiny ones. I got bogged down in not really knowing what to do with them. My sister having babies was what mostly broke me of that. And I learned some important things like when they are that little, they pretty much have to scream their heads off for a portion of the day in order to increase lung capacity and just holding a baby and talking to them about whatever pops into your head is simply fantastic. I love that sweet baby smell and little hands wrapping themselves around my fingers. And yes, I do want babies of my own. I have for awhile but there is no sense in rushing things. I figure, quite frankly, that I will just spend most of my 30s pregnant and that plan seems pretty great to me. I hope K and I have babies with full heads of crazy curls. And maybe just one of them can have some of the lighter hair because I know my mom would really love just one grandbaby with blonde hair and blue eyes. :)

K and I are in a very good spot. So good in fact that it seems to make people around us desperate for a wedding date. I just say that we'll set that as soon as he asks me to marry him and in the meantime we're happy. We'll get there. Who knows what it will look like, but I imagine there will be a portion of it that basically everyone we know is invited to and it will be absolutely beautiful.

Very recently, K's mom and I have been spending time together that is mostly just the two of us. One evening we drank beers and cooked up a bunch of treats and more recently we went out to dinner together. I don't know how or when exactly it happened, but it's like we have the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I genuinely love her and it seems the feeling is mutual and it's just really nice. I always imagined falling in love and essentially multiplying my family by two by adding his to it. I've watched people around me have those kind of results and also not have exactly those kind of results and I'm happy that I feel like I'm a part of the family he grew up with and that they seem to enjoy that as well.

In other news, Mary Kay is going really well for me. I expected to make a little extra money and mostly just get to have a discount. That has been typical of a lot of jobs I've had. :) I wasn't expecting to have so much fun and completely enjoy doing facials and skin care classes for women. It's been fantastic to meet new ladies and hear how they approach their businesses. I didn't realize it would be so easy for me to grow and expand. I wish I had some money that I could buy inventory with and really keep things on hand, but I figure that will come with a little more time. I get a little extra almost each order to build that up slowly. The other night I was sitting waiting for someone and I got a phone call asking to be able to place an order. Not only was I happy to do that, I realized I had everything she wanted at home and I loved being able to take it to her right that night. I opened up my little California branch with some family and am on target to gain the ability to have the company mail orders directly to people at the end of the quarter. I have a bunch of samples and would be more than happy to share them with you if you're interested! And let me tell you, K has started using a few things and likes them so much he told me that I could tell whoever I wanted to tell because maybe that way they'll give them a try as well.

School is good! I'm right at the end of the semester. I've applied to go to UTSA in the fall and am excited about that prospect. I'm plugging along on my path and I will get there at some point. It'll be a very sweet celebration when I do graduate. My aim is for a Bachelor degree in Psychology and a teaching certificate so I can teach while I get a Masters in Psychology and then either becoming a counselor or teach at the college level. There are going to be a lot of twists and turns in the road but I figure by choosing this particular path, I've set myself up for several different kinds of success. In the meantime, I think this new job will serve me well and my Mary Kay business will continue to grow.

And finally, for now at least, do you guys know about pandora.com? Maybe one of the coolest web sites ever if not just the best. That and Google Reader are my two favorite Internet inventions I think. You put in an artist or song you like and it creates a radio station for you of a bunch of music similar to what you've chosen. You can put in twenty artists or just one and I promise you will be delighted. I have loved hearing what comes up and have discovered new (to me) music and feel like I'm part of the music scene again. Check it out!

i'm fighting really hard and i have to say, it's exhausting

Ani DiFranco has this song with the line "The heart is a muscle, and frankly, mine is sore." That's how I can sum up how I feel.

I quit my job at the end of December and have yet to find a new one even though I have two places I have had call back interviews to. I have twenty cents to my name until a new job or my tax refund comes in, whichever comes first. But yes, literally twenty cents. K and I had a major issue this weekend and I spent a few days at my parent's house to clear my head. We have covered the major issue and are okay but we are working on a bunch of the little things that come up here and there in a relationship. I have cramps like a mofo (but it's not actually period time) and feel like all of my energy is just draining out of me. Plus I am fat. I am out of shape to the point of feeling absolutely ridiculous about being in my yoga class even though I completely love it and know it is helping in small increments.

It seems like that how every single thing is. It's all coming together in very small increments but inbetween I am in miserable pain because my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been in years, if at all. But today, all I can feel is the pain. I have no idea what the results are going to look like and at the moment I am just completely exhausted.

strange things are afoot at the circle k

Not really. But I am on the cusp of some very huge changes and I have to say that the more I talk about them, the more excited I feel. I have to get through this month with my sanity intact and then I will spill all of the gory details. Or close to all of them.

But I can say this in the meantime. One of the most exciting parts of my huge undertaking starts tomorrow morning. I'm going to one of the five thousand colleges in San Antonio and sitting down with a counselor and hashing some details out. I am returning to school full-time in January. I will be finishing my Bachelor's in Psychology and probably adding a minor in something along the lines of government or history to help with the residency requirements (you have to take so many units at a school to earn a diploma there). I will also get a teaching certification and hopefully teach while pursuing a Masters in probably something along the lines of Psychology or Counseling. I am VERY excited about this. It is going to be crazy hard and take some serious time and effort but I truly believe it will all be worth it.

It is so lovely to look at a potentially awful situation and see an amazing opportunity and pounce on it before you have time to sink.

Also, I got my first weight loss star this week! I have lost a total of 6.4 pounds. Lots more to go, but not that many more until my jeans will fit better and not much more than that for others to be able to see that I'm becoming fit and fabulous.

Maybe December doesn't have to be a month of suck in my life after all!

i am allergic to ant bites

No really. When I get an ant bite, it initially hurts. Then I get a little white bump that kind of looks like it's full of puss and a huge pink welt surrounding it. When I say huge, I mean on average the circumference of a soda can and I promise you I'm not kidding. It itches like a mofo and people at work start asking me if I have a wound with MRSA or something. Nope, just a freaking ant bite. I currently have one on my arm and yesterday someone asked if it gets that bad now what it was like when I was a kid. I said when I was a kid, I lived in California where ants are civilized and do not bite you. The ones who do bite are fire ants and they advertise the fact that they bite by being red. Stupid Texan bugs. All of them bite! Everything is bigger in Texas, including the attitudes and self-importance of teeny tiny bugs.

This week started out awesome because I was going to get a whole bunch of overtime. The other secretary called in sick for the entire week because of some sort of crazy set of allergies and I was going to come in early for three days and end up with 12 hours of overtime. Tuesday I did my 12 hour shift. Wednesday I got up and into the shower and got out of the shower to a voicemail saying they didn't need me and I would be on call until my regularly scheduled time. Same thing on Thursday. Then on Thursday I got sent home early. So now, if I manage to work my entire shift today, I'm going to squeak by with a 40 hour week. This whole thing makes me very grumpy because I could so use the money and also I am feeling very sleep deprived.

K is a night owl. I thought I was a night owl until our schedules began to collide. I really can't stay up past 2 or 2:30 am if I have to work or do anything the next day. K can stay up all night except for a two hour nap and then go work a full shift and hang out or otherwise not take a nap and be pretty good to go. I think he's crazy and envy this all at the same time. Night time is our catch-up time. His schedule isn't consistent but us both being home after I get off from work is, at least for the most part. Even on the nights when I kind of just want to come inside and get straight into bed, I am distracted by the desire to tell him all about my day and hear about his. I end up staying up until at least 3 if not later and it's lovely because I think my boyfriend is amazing and funny and I love spending time with him but it's awful because then I wake up and find it difficult to be in a good mood without a whole lot of behind the eyes effort. If I start to think about what it will be like when we have kids, I want to cry. And also move, because our apartment is too small for the two of us so adding anyone else would just be stupid right now.

As falling back asleep before work today isn't really going to work, I'm totally going to play Pacman. I bought a video game (it actually has 14 arcade games total from the 80s and 90s, not just Pacman), all by myself, that not only do I think is awesome but K thinks is awesome as well. I'm prouder of myself than I really should be.

it's late

In a few hours I have to get up and ready for cupcake day with the babies, but I can't turn my head off and go to sleep. I have a lovely and comfortable bed and am exhausted from my week, but sometimes that doesn't add up to equal sleep for some reason.

Hurricane Ike had a significant impact on me this week. Not so much as far as the weather was concerned. It was a strange experience for me though. I grew up with earthquakes. You don't know when they will strike or what the damage will be and how many aftershocks will come. It just happens and then you figure out everything else from there. Being able to watch a hurricane come closer to where you live for a week and hear the predictions and learning about what the different classifications mean is not something I would say is in my comfort zone. It turned a little as it hit the United States which means we got a lot of clouds, some crazy orange lightening that was eerily beautiful, and a snipped of rain that was most assuredly hurricane rain because it smelled like fish and ass. That was about it for most San Antonio residents, I do believe.

However, I work in a hospital. Galveston was completely evacuated and Houston had some serious power and water issues this week. My hospital ended up with over 200 transferred patients from each city and spots in between I'm sure. I got a lot of extra hours which is good for the paycheck but not so good for the feet. The phones were ten times crazier than usual because of family members from all over the state calling to locate their loved ones. It was like being in the middle of the aftermath of a huge earthquake but strange because we were all supposed to be able to have at least a week to prepare for it all. I don't think I could handle living in a spot where tornadoes are a regular occurrence at all!

Sarah Palin as a vice-presidential nominee... Mostly what I think can be summed up by the phrase "holy crap." Jon Stewart asked if she won some sort of contest or something. I definitely fall more on the Democrat side of ideology but do not vote strictly by party. I try to weigh issues and vote for who or what I think is best. I have to say though. Obama and Biden are getting my vote. And if I could vote for them a few more times, I would. I respect McCain and his record but am tired of hearing about him being a POW and am having trouble even entertaining the idea that he would be anything but a continuance of the current Bush administration and I do not think our country can handle four more years down the road we are on without facing even more serious reprecussions than we already have.

In any case, I would like to encourage you to make sure you're registered to vote and to show up and cast your ballot. It's important. We have an amazing system in our country where the people are allowed to voice their opinion and speak their minds through official stating what they want. There will be an exchange of power that will be peaceful and respectful. And hopefully regardless of who the next President is, he will be able to unify our country a little more. I do believe each man is interested in that aspect of the office.

Things with K are so good. I really love him and I revel in the fact he truly loves me as well. We were talking sometime last week and I mentioned that we'll need to figure out where we're headed in a few months just from a practical standpoint. He got this strange look on his face. I told him I didn't mean he had to propose or we had to be married by May, but maybe he could just tell me something like he wanted to marry me but wasn't sure when. He replied with "Melissa. I want to marry you, I just don't know when." This made me really happy because although I have felt that was the case, he hasn't actually said it and I just don't have the best track record with relationships and understanding what the guy really means or where his head is really at with everything. I'm that girl who needs the actual words spoken (or written) because I cannot trust myself to assume correctly. Anyway, when I excitedly told a couple of people about this, they looked at me like I was retarded and asked how I didn't know that because everyone else certainly does. Have you ever felt good and stupid at the same time? Without alcohol involved?

I need some new blogs to read. Any suggestions?

I'm going to try to catch some sleep now. Hopefully I'll be able to do a little picture post of the cupcake extravaganza. My niece AND nephew will be meeting me at my parents' house to make TWO kinds of cupcakes with frosting and lots of sprinkles. I'm really excited. I hope they are too! I figure after we're done with the cupcake making we can do laps around the backyard to get some of the sugar worn off before my brother-in-law comes to pick them up. :)

someday i want a wii of my very own

Today was pretty nice. I got to sleep in a little bit and then just as I was about to start leisurely getting ready for work, I got a phone call saying it was super slow so they were just going to put me on call. I have a feeling that I could have argued my way into going in but I think sometimes it's just better to go with the flow. Especially when it means an unexpected day off!

I unpacked some more stuff, organized things a little bit, did some laundry... K came over after he was done working for a little while which was definitely a nice and unexpected plus of the day. We went over to my parent's house and played with their new Wii and ate pizza and drank margaritas. It was a lot of fun having a nice low-key kind of evening.

The other day I went to Weight Watchers and while I was standing in line waiting for my turn to step on the scale, I got my little booklet and stuff out. Then I realized I hadn't been in a month. This bummed me out because I really had no idea that it had been an entire month. I gained three pounds, which by itself isn't a huge deal. I can work that right off my booty in a couple of weeks as long as I stay on top of everything again. I am more dissappointed by the fact that I let an entire month go by without counting points or weighing in without even realizing it. I feel like this is something I do to myself a lot and I have no idea how to break that pattern.

Yesterday was fun too though. Sushi for my dad's birthday celebration, playing Wii games, and running around with my niece and nephew making them laugh hysterically. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have ALWAYS been able to make my niece laugh harder for longer than I've seen others do. Not that I'm the only one she likes to play with, but it makes my heart so happy to run around with her and have her shrieking with laughter like that. It'll make me smile for a week just to remember it for a minute.

All in all, things are good albeit a tiny bit boring. Sometimes that's not really so bad though. :)

this is the most grown up looking apartment i've ever had

First of all I have to say my dad will be proud but probably shake his head at me when I tell him that I turned my computer on just to see if there were any unprotected wireless networks I could borrow for the day and immediately found on. I'm not going to cancel my own actual internet service or anything, but it sure is nice to sit and relax with some bloggin' before I get back to all the unpacking and figuring out what else I need to buy and when to do it and all of that madness. :)

My new apartment is fantastic. There is still some stuff in my old place and I still need to clean it up a little but I am going to be actually living at the new place from now (well, yesterday) on. The cool thing is that the people who helped me move think it is just as great as I do. It's extra fun when other people get excited with you about something you've done or bought or have looked forward to. I'm still working on putting all the furniture where it will really be and I have two items that I am starting to lean more and more towards getting rid of but I am a little hesitant to make that decision final. I don't know what to do with them though!

K was super grumpy last night and I have learned that sometimes it is better to just let him be when he's grumpy because then he'll eventually tell me what's bothering him. I used to ask him what was going on and he'd deny anything was on his mind and get even grumpier. You learn a lot about someone in two years of dating I suppose. Anyway, something that I admire about him that annoys me at the same time is the fact he adjusts so well to his surroundings and circumstances that he rarely wonders what things would be like if they were different. I am envious in some ways because until very recently I've had one foot out the door at all times. With jobs, with where I've lived, with relationships in some ways, just in everything. I often have to tell myself to only do one thing at a time so I can have time to actually enjoy just where I'm at instead of staring off wistfully into the distance wondering what's coming up next. K doesn't really do that. A little bit, sure, but he's never spent an afternoon thinking about which foriegn country he would most like to live in for a year and thought of a possible way to make it happen. I think that's fun to do sometimes.

Something I did not know that he explained to me was that he just simply doesn't like change. He doesn't like having to get to know a new area. He doesn't like things being different. Even if the new thing is better, he just doesn't like it at first. So he's grumpy because I moved. We have to get to know a different neighborhood and find new little hole in the wall places to eat close to my apartment. He has to drive a different way to work. My apartment looks different. The stuff in the kitchen is going to be in different spots. I'm glad he knows exactly why he is grumpy and decided to tell me, but I'm just hoping he'll get over it soon. Especially because I am super stoked to be here and I think this was a fantastic decision and move in a lot of different ways.

There's a lot of stuff I need to take care of to be able to just go to bed tonight and go to work tomorrow without jumping through ten different hoops to get ready. Plus, my mom is cooking salmon tonight. I could make it myself, but I've had a hankering for it for awhile and I can't make it for myself any old time and have dinner with my grandmother at the same time. It's a good deal all around to hang out with the fam tonight. :)

just thinking about january almost being over

I didn't make a specific list of new year's resolutions at the beginning of the year because I made a list of goals for the year on my birthday that I basically haven't even touched. I decided to be a little more general and just say I need to take better care of myself.

As I've gone through this month (or as it's basically flown by at a rather scary and rapid rate) I've decided to work on some specific stuff in February.

-I need to spend less money on food at work and also eat more healthy items. This can be accomplished fairly easily. I think what I need to do is go to the grocery store every couple of days. A few times lately I have gotten all inspired and bought ingredients for recipes and then never acutally made the dishes and thrown everything away and just eaten at McDonald's while at work. I still have some frozen dinners right now so tonight I went to the store and got some snack kind of things to have at work. I'm off to a good start!
-I need to work on better stress management. I think something that might work is to go to the gym after work. Doing 30-45 minutes of cardio and then lifting some light weights at least three times a week is going to be my initial goal. Then I'll shower when I get home and this might help me to not get sick so often. The working out AND the showering at night and washing off all the work germs might be double duty for that aspect.
-I need to keep my apartment cleaner and homier. I don't really know what happened here. But as I've been thinking about what I want to look for in a new (cheaper) apartment, I've realized the biggest thing I want is a place that I feel comfortable inviting people over at whim. The only thing keeping me from doing that now is the fact that I am just lazy about cleaning these days. There's no reason to leave dishes in the sink for a few days or wash clothes and leave all the clean clothes in laundry baskets for a week. I'm busy, but not THAT busy. And if I find that my apartment is clean and comfortable and homey and I still don't have anyone over but K, well, that can be another goal. :)

So that's where I'm at. How are you doing on your goals and whatnot?

new years resolutions

My dear friend Splenda, aka Kate, was making a list of resolutions when K and I stopped by Starbucks the other night. She asked me about my birthday ones and the fact of the matter is I haven't done anything about them. It's been about five months since my birthday so I guess I should really get crackin'!

I started thinking about it a little bit more and decided I'll revisit that list, but at the moment I feel as though I just need to focus on one big thing that covers a bunch of little areas. I need to take better care of myself. I need to get in shape, get better sleep, eat healthier, and take better care of my living space and truck.

That's about it!

take a deep breath, it's not what you think

K gave me a ring for Christmas. Not an engagement ring, not a promise ring (for which I am thankful because I'm not really a fan of that whole deal), but a really lovely ring. It's too big and I don't really know exactly what finger to wear it on, but it is a really neat band with silver edging and kind of a mood stone. Not the kind I got out of vending machines when I was a kid with the little card saying what each color means, but a whole band that changes color throughout the day. I like looking at it to see what color it is. Sometimes it's a few colors at a time even. He said when he has more money he'll get me a better ring, but he wanted to get me something pretty for Christmas. I haven't talked about it much to many people because it seems misleading to just say "My boyfriend got me a ring for Christmas!" Saying he got me a piece of jewelery that is circular and fits well on my finger is just awkward.

We're in a good spot, K and me. Lately I've felt like I understand things a lot more. I understand how you love someone and take care of them and your love grows. I finally let go and found a way to open myself up to being taken care of by him and he hasn't let me down even a tiny bit. I see how relationships are strong and fragile at the same time. I feel how fantastic it is to wear a piece of jewelery and proudly explain that my boyfriend got it for me. I see that it is hard but good to do a bunch of little things that don't necessarily get acknowledged that warm his heart or maybe even just make it so his day goes more smoothly without him even knowing why.

I love him. Those are really powerful words but they don't say enough of what I think and feel. That's actually pretty wonderful.

happy day turkey!

So I haven't done very well with the whole a blog post a day. But at least I started posting again!

I've had the last several days off from work. Apparently people don't like to come to the hospital just before Thanksgiving. It was nice to have some time to catch my breath, but it got to the point where it was too much time to just do nothing. I don't have money or patience to go shopping right now. I did some little projects around my apartment, but the stuff I did isn't anything you can really tell by looking at my place. I got rid of a bunch of stuff in my closet and reorganized some stuff on those shelves, so it was good and worthwhile. Just not anything fancy I suppose.

Thanksgiving was fantastic. I went to my parent's house with a pumpkin pie (from scratch, including the crust) and some of my extra special salad ingredients and after K was off from work, he joined all of us. My niece insisted on helping us cook and did a pretty good job with the tasks we gave her. She's almost four and refuses to be patronized. My nephew made me laugh a lot. He told me he wants to make cupcakes too. I said we could definitely do that but I was also thinking about us going to the movies. He said he already did that before. Cupcakes it is! My niece told my mom that my nephew bit another kid at school. My mom said that it was okay because it wouldn't happen again. My nephew said "It could happen." But my very favorite thing that he did was actually to K. He was wiped. He had a full shift at work and it was insanely busy and a bunch of things did not go as smoothly as they should have. After we ate, K sat in one of the ridiculously comfortable chairs my parents have and dozed off a little. My nephew gave him the stuffed animal my niece used to go to naptime with. He is a very sweet little boy.

After pie and coffee time, K and I went to his sister's house where we ended up eating another round of turkey and the fixings. I love how no one makes stuffing the same as anyone else. It's just very cool how such a "standard" dish can be interpreted so many ways. I had a great time sitting and talking with his mom and sister especially and it was just a nice evening. It's still a little new to me to be around K's family and this was one of those magic times where everything seemed very relaxed and enjoyable and I just got to be myself and enjoy being a part of the crowd.

I took a little break from strictly eating healthy foods, but I don't think I went completely overboard. Tomorrow starts back up with the veggies and heart healthy items (I baked some muffins this weekend especially for eating this week), and also with working out on a regular basis. I need an hour a day of exercise, but it's okay if it isn't continuous. I'm going to start small with some walking and my yoga dvd. Any extra activity is good at this point and I am more focused on it becoming a daily habit than I am it being a strenuous workout. With that said though, if anyone has any ideas on fun ways to keep moving, send them my way!

I hope everyone else also had a fantastic Thanksgiving and some time to take a break from the routine activities. This is my favorite time of year. I absolutely love that the weather is cooperating and it is currently freezing outside. Maybe even literally at the moment. I'm going to go back to bed and snuggle down into my blankets.

just random stuff, the thanksgiving version

I got my bloodwork results today. Everything is fine except my cholesterol. She said it's supposed to be 150 and mine is 177. So a lowfat diet will take care of that, and I already started that so I'm good. My blood pressure is much lower which is also very nice. I got copies of my test results and the weird EKG. I'm going to a cardiologist tomorrow.

My boyfriend is sick. I feel so bad for him but there really isn't a lot I can do. I'd go over to his house and just curl up with him if he had a bigger bed, wouldn't be annoyed, and there was some guarantee I wouldn't also get sick. I figure at this point in the game I'm pretty safe and I also got a flu shot a few weeks ago.

I'm baking a pumpkin pie and making a salad to take to my parents' house on Thursday and trying to think up something to make to K's sister's house. My sister has my other pie pan, so I was thinking a loaf of some sort would be nice and then it wouldn't step on anything that's already there. K and I are at a strange junction where our families assume we will be including each other in the big celebrations but it doesn't seem like we're expected to bring stuff yet. Or maybe it's just that my mom knows I will ask what I should bring or suggest something for me to add and K's family knows I will at least bring a bottle of wine so there's no real discussion needed.

It was super slow at work and one of us needed to go home and I was the least attached to staying there today. So I'm at home. I think I'm going to go and do something productive so it looks like it was worth it to be hanging out at home. :)

a list of what has been happening in the life of melissa

...work: a ridiculous number of hours. My friend Tina has been working 12 hour days five days a week for months now. I can only handle two 12 hour shifts a week mixed in with the other days. My last paycheck had about 20 extra hours though which is fantastic.
...school: two classes, one government and one history. I like them. I like the government one better than the history solely because of the teacher. He's rapidly moving into my list of favorite teachers ever.
...boyfriend: he's fantastic. Occasionally he is not, but I believe that to be true with everyone. And the few fights we've had get resolved pretty quickly for which I am grateful.
...severe lack of money: hence the extra hours. Ugh. I wish I knew how to make more money and still be able to go to school to get a job that I really actually want to do every day. My current job is fine, but nothing I want to do for the fifty more years I'll be working.

Hmm... I guess that's it. It just manages to take up a LOT of time.

saturday bonus, kind of. it's a lot of rambling

Well, I am feeling better but still basically crappy. I'm tired of not feeling good, but I am proud to say I haven't just holed up. It's probably part of the reason why I'm still struggling to feel okay. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday so hopefully the doctor will be able to give me some drugs to make my head not hate me anymore. I feel like I had botox or something because there's so much pressure in my forehead it doesn't seem like I can move it. I'm not as 100% sure it's allergies anymore though because K is a little bit sick now. Oh well, we'll start finding out with more certainty on Wednesday!

I had a job interview on Friday morning that seemed to go really well. It's to be a secretary in a different unit of the hospital and it's the opposite schedule of what I have now, so I'd be working into the night. The job seems pretty cool and a little more engaging than the one I have now, but I'm not entirely sure I want to flip my schedule. It'd be more money because there's a shift differential and there's at least a possibility of a raise because of moving to a different department, internal hire and all. I put in a bunch of interview requests to flip my schedule about a month or two ago and didn't really hear back on any of them. There's a lot of reasons, but they make me sound like an idiot so I'm going to skip that explanation. I talked to my boss and to HR and decided that I would simply stay put until September or October and then try again. That way I would be in the same position for at least a year which is more credible for both transferring and for my resume in general. In deciding this, I had a sense of calmness that I didn't really have before about going to work. It's been a rough ride in a few ways. Suddenly in the last two weeks, I've been able to roll my eyes at the bullshit instead of taking it all so personally and I got used to my schedule. Not working at Starbucks has helped a lot in getting enough sleep and having enough energy to come in and be pleasant. I haven't been super stoked to go to work every day, but it hasn't been such drudgery. So, the timing of this interview is bizarre. In any case, I'll know whether or not they even want to hire me by next Friday.

Today is my dad's 50th birthday. It's so weird because my parents do not seem old to me at all. I guess 50 is when you're supposed to start thinking of people as old, but it's not the case for me. I think maybe 70 is old. But when my dad turns 70, I guess I'll have to re-evaluate that assesment too.

And finally, yesterday I re-registered at Weight Watchers. My jeans are getting tight again and I'm tired of seeing pictures of me where I look happy and I know the day was a good one, but still wincing at my overall appearance. I know Weight Watchers works because it helps you just make better choices in general without having to eat certain foods or never getting to have dessert or snacks again. Also, both my parents lost a phenomenal amount of weight and have basically kept it off for a year or two. As soon as I can figure out how to do it ultra-cheap, I want a gym membership too. Something that I am really pleased about is the great recipes I've found online for meals that sound good enough to cook and enjoy with K. He tends to believe the only good vegetables are the ones found on pizza and the smaller cheeseburgers are better because you can taste more grease. We'll see how it all goes! I'm not going to post how much I weigh right now (if I ever do) because I'm embarassed. But I will keep track of how much I lose/gain each week. And as I find amazing recipes and whatnot, I'll be sure to post them too.

That's all! I'm going to go take a nap and do some dishes. I haven't done any dishes this week because I don't feel good, but as I no longer have clean glasses to use, I think it's time to suck it up and just wash away. :)