the one with the revelation

I have just a few things left to do before I will feel like I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be to have this baby. Move the bassinet into my room, clean out my car and put the carrier car seat base in the backseat all ready to go, pack my hospital bag, and pack as much of S's bag as I can ahead of time. After that, I'll work on doing things like mopping and other things to make the house a bit more presentable in case people want to visit us right away.

My dad is going to pick up K on Wednesday to get the tv they are passing down to us (I love it when my parents upgrade electronics--they very often give the old ones to us or give us a very good deal on buying from them!) and then come to our house and put the crib back together and assemble the dresser we have for Baby C-2. I had kind of a meltdown yesterday that is embarrassing in hindsight but still managed to create a good outcome so two of the biggest things I was worried about making happen are actually done now (the futon is in the living room and the closet by our front door is cleared out). Clothes are sorted. Going home outfit has been selected. We have diapers and wipes. It's going to be okay.

I'm really excited that I made it to December! There was no big reason I wanted to other than it's the month of my due date. Nothing has really gone the way I was hoping it would for the duration of this pregnancy but it's all been okay anyway. Regardless of what day this little guy is born, it'll be an extra cool date since he has 12 and 12 as bookends. My next appointment is Tuesday and I'll have a non-stress test and a growth ultrasound which will help my OB tell me if we're going to make it to the scheduled c-section date of 12/13 or if we'll be meeting him a bit sooner. I'm still hoping for 12/13. It seems very close and just incredibly far away all at the same time!

My meltdown revelation yesterday was that I need to speak up a LOT more than I usually do. I am thoroughly exhausted right now and don't anticipate that changing for about six weeks at this point (at least anyway). And you know what? There is not a single person around me that has a problem telling me what they need or what they want and doing fairly well at making it happen for themselves. It's time for me to stop being the only one standing around wishing things were a bit different. I'm not planning on being purely selfish from here on out. I have a friend who is a really good host and is also amazing at kicking you out when she's done without being a jerk. That's what I'm aiming for.

I am determined that it is okay for me to disappoint people by staying home if that's what is best for my health and/or my new little guy's health. They will either understand or they won't. But I don't get two chances to recover from surgery right the first time. I also will be breastfeeding again and am hoping super hard it goes much more smoothly this time than it did with S and I need to focus on that unabashedly especially during the first couple of weeks so we can have a solid foundation.

K and I will be able to figure this out as we go. I'm not very worried about being able to speak up better because when it's for my kids, it's much easier. Hopefully that will spill over into the rest of my life and I won't fall into being "Baby C-2's Mom" and not Melissa for the first year like I did with S.

This is going to be a good month.

Hopefully I can turn my a/c back off soon!