the one where i just vent for awhile

I can't write about 31 days of getting my sh*t together because it is freaking me out too much. Everything will come together and likely in the timeline I want it too, but I have to stop writing about it every day. It's not helpful to get myself all worked up about it. I just need to do it. I need to figure out who I can ask to come help me get some stuff done but first I need to prioritize.

There are a lot of other things bugging me because I'm extra hormonal and tired. There are some things about pregnancy that are just mean. One is going to bed exhausted but still waking up with no hope of getting back to sleep at ridiculously early times. So here are all my controversial things that are really driving me crazy.

One is we qualify for some programs that will help us get some baby gear for either free or really cheap. I am extremely grateful for the help and any time I am talking to someone with the program, I make sure to tell them that because I get the feeling not a lot of people do. The thing that I hate though is the assumption that since I'm in a certain income bracket, I must be dumb and/or irresponsible. So instead of calling it a class, it's called a baby shower that I have to find childcare for because it's really a two hour class about how to have a healthy pregnancy. It sucks to be condescended to. Maybe it's pride. Maybe I am actually dumb because if I was smarter, we would be in a place where we were bringing in more money after all. It still sucks though. I think I would be dumber to not go though.

Please, if I don't ask you or it's not a natural part of a conversation we are actually having, do not give me medical advice. Again, I'm not dumb. I haven't missed a single doctor's appointment. I cannot stand my amazing OB's medical assistant, but I have called her a few times anyway to check to see if certain things were okay or how I should handle something. I have loved this baby since the two lines showed up on the pee stick. And I love my husband and my toddler. I'm not going to intentionally do anything to put any of us at risk. My OB and I painstakingly (for her, I'm sure) went through the list of what food and drink is okay and what isn't and how much caffeine is okay and everything else. K and I even had a long conversation with my OB about whether or not it was okay to even try to conceive several months before we actually even decided to try again. I'm sure your heart is in the right place and you either knew someone or knew of someone who made some hefty mistakes while pregnant. But I decided to listen to just my doctor because she knows my whole history and never bats an eye when I bring a list of questions to an appointment, even though I saw her two weeks previously. 

Those are the two big things. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!