take a deep breath, it's not what you think

K gave me a ring for Christmas. Not an engagement ring, not a promise ring (for which I am thankful because I'm not really a fan of that whole deal), but a really lovely ring. It's too big and I don't really know exactly what finger to wear it on, but it is a really neat band with silver edging and kind of a mood stone. Not the kind I got out of vending machines when I was a kid with the little card saying what each color means, but a whole band that changes color throughout the day. I like looking at it to see what color it is. Sometimes it's a few colors at a time even. He said when he has more money he'll get me a better ring, but he wanted to get me something pretty for Christmas. I haven't talked about it much to many people because it seems misleading to just say "My boyfriend got me a ring for Christmas!" Saying he got me a piece of jewelery that is circular and fits well on my finger is just awkward.

We're in a good spot, K and me. Lately I've felt like I understand things a lot more. I understand how you love someone and take care of them and your love grows. I finally let go and found a way to open myself up to being taken care of by him and he hasn't let me down even a tiny bit. I see how relationships are strong and fragile at the same time. I feel how fantastic it is to wear a piece of jewelery and proudly explain that my boyfriend got it for me. I see that it is hard but good to do a bunch of little things that don't necessarily get acknowledged that warm his heart or maybe even just make it so his day goes more smoothly without him even knowing why.

I love him. Those are really powerful words but they don't say enough of what I think and feel. That's actually pretty wonderful.

merry christmas!

I hope everyone had a great one! I really did. K and I spent a good amount of time with my family yesterday and then his family today. We both had to abandon previous years traditions, but I think it was well worth the sacrifice. I know I had a terrific time with him and both groups of people. I don't know how to do it without making it some sort of big deal, but I would really like at least my parents to meet his mom and his sisters. I think it would be kind of nice.

K has taken really good care of me all month. I was sick for literally two weeks which sucked the life out of my motivation as well. He took care of me while I was sick, but also in helping me get presents for his family and spending time with my family and being sweet to my niece and nephew. He's amazing and I love him more than ever.

It was nice being with my family this year. My parents upheld the traditions of lighting candles and listening to Silent Night before we opened presents. My dad read the Christmas story from the Bible and my niece explained to us what happened. She was really concerned though that she can't see Jesus and was wondering where He lives now.

I am very spoiled. I got some cool new cooking gadgets and some yoga stuff and I'm really looking forward to trying it all out very soon. If anyone has any crock pot recipes, please send them my way! K's sister gave me a cd I really wanted and had no idea when I'd be able to get. I need to burn her a copy and listen to it thoroughly soon.

All in all, it was a really terrific couple of days and I can't really think of any way that either day could have been better. My family is amazing, my boyfriend is incredible, and his family is so much fun that my head hurts a little from all the smiling. I'm going to go snuggle down into my bed and watch The West Wing. That's right, my all time favorite show now lives in my apartment. At least the first 22 episodes of it do anyway. :)

Merry Christmas.

five reasons why i love december

1. It is finally cold outisde. Theoretically at least. I do live in the place birds fly south for the winter.
2. Twinkle lights EVERYWHERE!
3. Christmas carols. I love Christmas music! The all Christmas music all the time radio station is my favorite.
4. Reasons to bake lots of stuff. I like baking and making things from scratch and December is the perfect excuse.
5. Stars everywhere! I love stars and December is when they all come out to shine, even more so than in July.

i'm not a baby, i'm actually really sick

I went to the doctor today. You know it's bad when you're patiently sitting in the lobby and the doctor comes out to look at something in the lobby and as she walks back to the exam room area you hear her say "Let's get her started, she looks really miserable."

I had a temp of 99 which is insane for me. I'm never even 98.6 so to actually be beyond that is like 104 for a normal person. Well, maybe not that far, but it is significant in my world.

My doctor listened to my symptoms and then looked in my ears and at my throat and listened to my lungs. Turns out I have a sinus infection, an ear infection, and chest congestion. I got two shots in the doctor's office! One of steroids and one of antibiotics. They went in my hips. Except when they say hips, they really mean butt. So one shot in each cheek. I've never had that done before and let me tell you that antibiotic shot was a bitch. I know that's a bad word and I try to avoid cussing in here, but it really truly was. The nurse warned me a bit before she did it, but I still was not prepared. The combination of the pain and the already feeling miserable just made me cry. I curled up on the exam table to wait for it to subside a little. My doctor gave me a little bag of samples to get me through today and some prescriptions to be filled later.

I sent texts to a few people to let them know what was going on and called work to let them know I wouldn't be in until Tuesday. This afternoon I was kind of dozing off and on and K called to see if I needed anything at the grocery store. I couldn't really think of anything. He said he was picking some stuff up anyway and would be by soon. My amazing boyfriend got me more Kleenex, tv dinners, orange juice, Vitamin Water (our new ridiculous addiction), applesauce, and a People magazine. He said he wanted me to be able to just stay in bed and relax. I'm so lucky to have such a sweet and generous guy! My mom said I don't need her anymore. That's just silly. You always need your mom. But it's pretty awesome to have a boyfriend like K.

I just went and got my prescriptions and some toilet paper and I am seriously wiped. I cannot believe how awful I feel! I am starting to feel a tiny bit better but I am surprised that the little bit of being out and about took so much out of me. Movie time here I come!

cold induced rambling

Well, I'm not saying it's her fault exactly, but one of my coworkers came to work two days last week coughing and sniffing and with a very hoarse voice and now I am at home watching Kathy Griffin in my pajamas, coughing and sniffing and no one can hear me on the phone. She said she felt fine but just sounded awful which I think was basically crap, because I sound exactly like she did and I definitely do not feel fine. But one day in pajamas in bed will probably do me just fine.

I think the way the story goes is when my parents got married and they got their first Christmas tree, they realized they had no ornaments. So when I was born, they decided to get me an ornament every year. My grandparents did too and I have them all. My parents have done a very good job of getting me an ornament that had something to do with what happened that year. Not that the ones my grandparents are bad or anything. After all, my famous New Kids on the Block one came from them. Anyway though, I have all these fantastic ornaments but no place to put them. Last year I didn't even pull them out at all because it was such a strange Christmas. My mom and I went to California and she stayed until February and we never really had a full family Christmas celebration in San Antonio.

So this weekend I wanted to clean up my apartment and then get out the decorations because it was officialy December and Christmas season. I went to Target just to see if there was any creative and very cheap way to bring some Christmas cheer to my apartment and oh my gosh, there totally was. I bought a 3 foot fake Christmas tree and it turns out it is the perfect size for a strand of lights and my ornaments! I love it. It looks like me. There's stars all over it and ballet slippers and a volley ball player and Starbucks cups and ones that say Melissa. It's great!

But it's also strange. There's no room on that tree for K's ornaments. I don't know that he has any, but if he did, it would be difficult to fit them in and have a balanced tree. I don't know how I feel about that. I have my own apartment that I work my ass off to pay for myself and I take my own trash out. I pay my bills and sometimes my parents bail me out but it mostly has to do with unexpected ridiculous medical expenses like when they tell me my heart my explode unless I take some crazy costly pills. I am a strong and independant woman. Even so though, I have to say that last night when K came over with some groceries because he knows I have no money this week and wanted to make sure there was a little variety in my fridge and he got turkey sausage and multigrain waffles, it made me ridiculously happy and warm inside.

The holidays are weird when you're in a fairly serious relationship but it's not THAT serious (yet?) because you have to make all kinds of decisions about whose family you're going to be with when and who you should buy presents for and whose traditions do you follow more or are you at the point where you can start your own? Do you have the boyfriend in the family Christmas card picture your parents are sending out? How do you enjoy your independant Christmas tree and not feel guilty that your amazing boyfriend is nowhere on it?

So that's just what I was thinking about inbetween blowing my nose and breathing though my mouth and wishing there was something good on tv.

monday things that made me happy

1. Turkey soup courtesy of my mom, the best soup maker ever.
2. Hydrocortizone cream for my itchy itchy itchy eczema.
3. Making an appointment with a doctor about my itchy itchy itchy eczema.
4. Getting a different birth control pill prescription called into a pharmacy after knowing after two weeks that this new one was not a good fit.
5. A cold beer after a long shift courtesy of my boyfriend (buying a six pack and leaving it at my apartment).
6. Chatting all day with one of my fantastic coworkers, JW. Sometimes I want to kick her, but most of the time I really like working with her. And I love swapping stories with her. But she cannot remember K's name for the life of her. It's cool though, it is a very unusual name.
7. Knowing that K might come over tonight even though it's already late and he has to open.
8. My flowers are still pretty almost two weeks later.
9. Low blood pressure.
10. Winter-like weather! Finally!

stomp stomp stomp

You know, I was pretty stoked about living in a first floor apartment. It was really easy to move into and there's no stairs to go up and down every time I go to the grocery store. My upstairs neighbors have a weird bed or something that is insanely creeky and loud but it hasn't ever been a big deal. I used to make up stories about what the bed looks like or something.

Until the past few days. I don't know if it was Thanksgiving or that I've been home at times I'm not usually home or what but they are driving me crazy. No one needs to walk around that much in a one bedroom apartment. No one.

I guess next time I need to not live on the first floor. Blech.

happy day turkey!

So I haven't done very well with the whole a blog post a day. But at least I started posting again!

I've had the last several days off from work. Apparently people don't like to come to the hospital just before Thanksgiving. It was nice to have some time to catch my breath, but it got to the point where it was too much time to just do nothing. I don't have money or patience to go shopping right now. I did some little projects around my apartment, but the stuff I did isn't anything you can really tell by looking at my place. I got rid of a bunch of stuff in my closet and reorganized some stuff on those shelves, so it was good and worthwhile. Just not anything fancy I suppose.

Thanksgiving was fantastic. I went to my parent's house with a pumpkin pie (from scratch, including the crust) and some of my extra special salad ingredients and after K was off from work, he joined all of us. My niece insisted on helping us cook and did a pretty good job with the tasks we gave her. She's almost four and refuses to be patronized. My nephew made me laugh a lot. He told me he wants to make cupcakes too. I said we could definitely do that but I was also thinking about us going to the movies. He said he already did that before. Cupcakes it is! My niece told my mom that my nephew bit another kid at school. My mom said that it was okay because it wouldn't happen again. My nephew said "It could happen." But my very favorite thing that he did was actually to K. He was wiped. He had a full shift at work and it was insanely busy and a bunch of things did not go as smoothly as they should have. After we ate, K sat in one of the ridiculously comfortable chairs my parents have and dozed off a little. My nephew gave him the stuffed animal my niece used to go to naptime with. He is a very sweet little boy.

After pie and coffee time, K and I went to his sister's house where we ended up eating another round of turkey and the fixings. I love how no one makes stuffing the same as anyone else. It's just very cool how such a "standard" dish can be interpreted so many ways. I had a great time sitting and talking with his mom and sister especially and it was just a nice evening. It's still a little new to me to be around K's family and this was one of those magic times where everything seemed very relaxed and enjoyable and I just got to be myself and enjoy being a part of the crowd.

I took a little break from strictly eating healthy foods, but I don't think I went completely overboard. Tomorrow starts back up with the veggies and heart healthy items (I baked some muffins this weekend especially for eating this week), and also with working out on a regular basis. I need an hour a day of exercise, but it's okay if it isn't continuous. I'm going to start small with some walking and my yoga dvd. Any extra activity is good at this point and I am more focused on it becoming a daily habit than I am it being a strenuous workout. With that said though, if anyone has any ideas on fun ways to keep moving, send them my way!

I hope everyone else also had a fantastic Thanksgiving and some time to take a break from the routine activities. This is my favorite time of year. I absolutely love that the weather is cooperating and it is currently freezing outside. Maybe even literally at the moment. I'm going to go back to bed and snuggle down into my blankets.

wednesday wonders!

A list of things making me happy:

...I got K some flowers (they were red, so they were manly) yesterday somewhat hesitantly but because I know it makes me happy to look at flowers, especially when I don't feel good or am having a bad day. I think it might have made him happier than it even makes me. I have the cutest boyfriend in the world.
...The Office even though we're now going to be in reruns. I really love that show and that's the big reason I hope the strike resolves soon, so it in particular can continue.
...a lovely set of Thanksgiving plans tomorrow.
...my mom asked my niece if she was going to school the next day. My niece replied "Yeah, because if I don't go, my teachers worry about me." Where does she get this stuff?!
...my mom and sister were talking about my grandmother coming to visit. My niece started saying we should have a party and my nephew waited for a pause in the hubub to say "Can I come?" Where else would he go? He's two and a half.
...ice water from Starbucks on my way to work which means a quick kiss from my man and a handy cup to refill with ice from the emergency room and water from our med room.
...my blood pressure is under control so now we are just working on figuring out why it was so high with me being so young to have such issues.
...the best motivation I will ever have to lose weight and get in shape.
...a fantastic cardiologist.
...vitamin water. I accidently discovered it while gathering groceries for my sick boyfriend and it is fantastic. A little expensive, but a nice every so often or sick treat for sure.
...my new favorite snack: a banana and about 5 nilla wafers. It might remind you of the 5th grade, but it's still awesome.
...Weight Watchers frozen meals. Delicious, satisfying, not that many calories etc. It's a nice kickstart into cutting calories without starving myself. I suck at starving myself. Obviously.
...The Real Housewives of Orange County being my favorite trainwreck to watch. Although I randomly really love Simmons Family Jewels too. I know nothing about KISS, but that family is pretty fun and surprisingly normal.
...free birth control pill samples. I have seven months worth of free medicine. That is a fantastic amount of savings!
...shredded wheat in the morning time.
...text messages. They never get old!
...books and magazines.
...the amazing amount of love in my life. :)

just random stuff, the thanksgiving version

I got my bloodwork results today. Everything is fine except my cholesterol. She said it's supposed to be 150 and mine is 177. So a lowfat diet will take care of that, and I already started that so I'm good. My blood pressure is much lower which is also very nice. I got copies of my test results and the weird EKG. I'm going to a cardiologist tomorrow.

My boyfriend is sick. I feel so bad for him but there really isn't a lot I can do. I'd go over to his house and just curl up with him if he had a bigger bed, wouldn't be annoyed, and there was some guarantee I wouldn't also get sick. I figure at this point in the game I'm pretty safe and I also got a flu shot a few weeks ago.

I'm baking a pumpkin pie and making a salad to take to my parents' house on Thursday and trying to think up something to make to K's sister's house. My sister has my other pie pan, so I was thinking a loaf of some sort would be nice and then it wouldn't step on anything that's already there. K and I are at a strange junction where our families assume we will be including each other in the big celebrations but it doesn't seem like we're expected to bring stuff yet. Or maybe it's just that my mom knows I will ask what I should bring or suggest something for me to add and K's family knows I will at least bring a bottle of wine so there's no real discussion needed.

It was super slow at work and one of us needed to go home and I was the least attached to staying there today. So I'm at home. I think I'm going to go and do something productive so it looks like it was worth it to be hanging out at home. :)

so this is what happened

A couple of weeks ago I was talking about how I don't know anything about vital signs and we decided to take my blood pressure so they could explain it to me. It was ridiculously high. So then the next day we took it again just to see and it wasn't as high but it was still higher than it should be. I had someone take it every day and I wrote it down and made an appointment with a general practitioner that was on Thursday morning.

I stayed up too late Wednesday night on accident and then didn't sleep well anyway. So I was exhausted when I got up to go to the doctor. I got there on time and then had to wait literally an hour before I got to go back for anything at all. I liked the doctor but she just kind of freaked me out. I guess it all sunk in. High blood pressure can mean a heart attack or a stroke. Those are really bad. She asked me to come back today for blood work and said I needed to fast for twelve hours. As she wrote out all the labs she wanted, I realized it was kind of the standard set of things I enter in for patients plus a few extras. She even ordered an EKG.

All the people I see come into my unit of the hospital are sick. I know that's a really obvious thing to point out, but sometimes I don't think about it so much because I don't have a lot of interaction with patients. But they come in to be admitted to the hospital to try to fix something that is serious and the doctors need some centralized time to figure out. The tests they use to help figure out what is wrong, as the patients are being admitted, were what was ordered for me. My doctor gave me samples of four different drugs and I had visions of the people that come in with bags of medicine and it just freaked me out. I don't want to be sick. I want to be healthy. I called in and I think my boss was actually expecting it a little because I barely even had to explain why I felt like I couldn't go in to work.

I fasted and yesterday morning I went to get blood drawn and the EKG. I'm a hard stick which means it is difficult for people to find a vein to draw blood from. The nurse ended up taking three vials of blood from the back of my right hand. But at least she only stuck me once! The worst is when someone sticks the needle in and then digs around for a vein. Then it was time for the EKG. I've never had one before so it was kind of cool and weird. Until the doctor looked at the printout and said it wasn't what she had expected at all and there were abnomalities she didn't understand and I needed to go to a cardiologist. She's asking for another EKG, an echo which is like an ultrasound of the heart, and a holter monitor which I think means I'll be hooked up to a monitor for a day or two but I'm not positive on that one.

It's just kind of scary. I feel a lot better now after spending some time online researching ways to lower blood pressure and talking to the nurses. We also did an impromptu EKG while I was at work. One of the techs taught me where all the electrodes go and had me put them on myself. Then I laid down and one of the nurses took a look at the monitor and told us what she saw. There are a few spots that are probably slightly elevated but she said usually it's not a cause for alarm unless it's a full box on the graph paper that it prints out on, and it was 1/4 to 1/2 of a box. I'm still going to the cardiologist, but that makes me feel better.

The weirdest thing is that as upset as I was on Thursday and Friday, a lot of people figured it would be comforting to me to know they were having medical issues in their life. Now it's different when my dad talks to me because he had high blood pressure and got it under control and is still monitoring himself. It's the same exact issue. I know it's rude, but I don't particularly care about anyone else's asthma or allergy problems at the moment. We're talking about my heart and we're talking about the possibility of heart attack and stroke. Yes, breathing is important, but it's not the silent killer high blood pressure is touted as. I don't want to be hurtful or rude, but it just isn't the same at all. If anything, it just makes me feel bad that this other person is having health issues too.

Last night I went grocery shopping and got a lot of heart healthy items and things to cook to make fantastic meals to take to work with me. This morning I had some shredded wheat with a banana in it and I did a little yoga. I think it's going to be okay, but sometimes it is hard to just take deep breaths and understand that I have to take a gazillion baby steps to make it all be okay. No one wants to hear their doctor say "Wow, I really wasn't expecting that. This is a very abnormal test result." I will know more on Tuesday after the bloodwork comes back and then after whenever my cardiologist appointment is too.

So that's what happened to me this week. K brought me flowers on Wednesday night though, before the doctors appointments and all the tears. And that's how I know I've got me a good one. :) It's also nice that I live in the same city as my parents and my sister and her family. I know I can go to either of their houses any time and just hang out. That's nice. Everyone should have some point of retreat that they can rely on. I'm a really blessed girl to have three spots I can go and just sit and be loved all within 20 minutes of driving.

wednesday wonders!

Things that have made me happy this week...

...dinner with K, my mom, and my dad. It was a great pizza place and it was great conversation.
...Lions for Lambs. I was angry at one of the characters like he was a real person who had personally done me wrong.
...a surprise visit from K yesterday. He made a big deal about how we wouldn't see eachother much this week because he has to get up earlier than he's used to and work long shifts and on and on and it wasn't a huge deal. And then he came over anyway.
...making holiday plans.
...my yoga for beginners dvd.
...being good at my job and basically liking it. I don't wake up overjoyed to go to work, but I certainly don't dread it. It's kind of nice to feel that way.
...one doctor appointment today and one tomorrow. I'm going to get fixed up one of these days.
...being able to swap tapes of tv shows with my boyfriend's sister when one of us misses one because we enjoy the same Thursday night programming.
...cooking a big ol delicious breakfast the other day
...washing my comforter, even though it took four dryer cycles to get it all the way dry.
...low electricity and water bills.
...making decisions about school.
...being able to find scholarships that I qualify for and still having time to apply and whatnot.
...hot showers.
...I got an A on my last government test!
...blogging on a fairly regular basis again.
...Robert Redford.
...my neighbors across from me don't keep piles of trash outside their door anymore.
...no more ants.
...Weight Watchers frozen meals being delicious and filling and not a gazillion calories.
...cranberry juice.
...having gotten my boyfriend addicted to cranberry juice (luckily though, when he drinks it all, he buys me more).
...how wearing a small amount of makeup can make such a huge difference.
...emails.
,,,soft undershirts for my not so soft scrub tops.
...clean clothes in general.
...hummus with a toasted english muffin to dip into it.
...extra sleep.

and on friday i wasn't even wearing makeup

I work in a kind of holding area of the hospital. People go to the doctor and their doctor tells them they need to go to the hospital for labwork, a blood or platelet transfusion, or to be admitted. Sometimes when they get to the hospital a bed (room) is ready for them, but most of the time they have to wait a little bit. They come to my area to start treatment and be a little more comfortable. We have 9 stretchers (that look like beds) and they are seperated from eachother by partitions and the famous huge hospital curtains. My desk is right by the door. There are two stretchers right across from me.

And this is all I want to say: What is the deal with putting patients in stretchers 1 and 2 that would rather stare at me than watch their little tvs or sleep or talk on the phone or do anything besides creep me out for hours at a time? One on Friday and one today (technically yesterday I guess). Not. Cool.

yoga

I remember when I was in youth group in about junior high and my youth pastor showed us a video on why yoga is demonic. Today, as I did my beginner's dvd, I thought about that. I guess a determined teacher could kind of bring a class into a trance and plant things in everyone's mind. But I think it's just become a lot more mainstream than that these days. My dvd is a little hokey sometimes, talking about how doing yoga will affect everything including the planet, but the stretching and the breathing and the focusing exercises far outweigh the few instances of giggle-worthy narration.

I have a lot of things on my mind these days and all of them by themselves are fairly stress worthy so combined it is getting a little ridiculous. Taking the time to do something calming and quiet but still active helped me to calm my thoughts tremendously. Nothing is resolved and I have a list of things to do tomorrow in addition to my normal class and work routine, but I feel a little better.

Now, because I was belching like a mofo while doing yoga, I'm going to eat a little something and go to bed.

a rare ridiculously lengthy offering

This weekend has been lovely.

Saturday actually started off pretty rotten. K had a class to go to and I took him there. We went to Burger King for some breakfast on the way. I don't completely love Burger King, but it had been ages and ages since I'd eaten there before this one by my apartment opened up. K and I were really excited to go there when it first opened a few months ago. I don't eat there much, but the quality of service has gone steadily downhill. Half the time we've ordered and paid for cheeseburgers but gotten home to realize there's no cheese. Or there's fries instead of onion rings. But it was on the way this weekend, so we went. And when the drive-thru person asked me to pull up to wait for the food, I was just kind of exasperated. They make EVERYONE pull forward. It's not like the person behind you's food is ready because that person will be asked to pull forward and park too. It's obnoxious. So I asked how long it was going to be and she said about thirty seconds. When I asked, as unsnottily as possible, if it was going to be thirty seconds why I needed to pull forward, I could feel K cringing. There was one car behind me and I just stayed at the window. They handed me a bag and I handed it to K and off we went. It was not the right order. It did have some french toast sticks which is what K ordered, but only 3 and not the 5 he had ordered. No hashbrowns or whatever, but three ham and cheese sandwiches.

Then, about halfway to the store where the class was, my truck freaked out. It started to overheat which was super weird because I had literally filled up the resevoir just before we left. I turned the heater on full blast and I guess that helped to remind the truck it could draw from the resevoir and it seemed to be okay after that. We got to the store before his class started, but not as early as he wanted to be there. It was alright, just not great. I felt awful about everything. I messed up the breakfast, my truck was being retarded, and now he wasn't set up to have a good class.

I went back to Burger King and couldn't get a refund because K had paid on his card, but they gave me the food I had actually ordered. I ate my breakfast and then decided to just get back into bed. I had intended to start on all the little things I had thought of during the week that needed to be done but left for the weekend but I just went back to sleep. K's class was going to be over at 4 so I got in the shower at about 2:45 pm to get ready and then be able to leave to be there early. When I got out of the shower, I had two missed calls and a text message from my boyfriend. As I was listening to the voicemail saying they got out early, he called again. I threw on some clothes, combed my hair, and left.

As I was driving there, I was thinking about the huge list of things I needed to do. Some cleaning, some organizing, putting a few items on eBay to keep the clutter down and get some extra cash, homework, figure out how to make the food I have stretch into meals for next week, clip coupons, read the newspaper, and catch up on emails and phone calls. Also, trying to know what to do about my truck. I don't have any extra money at all so if it breaks down, I'm screwed. I'm worried about my blood pressure and worrying doesn't help it and the stress I was feeling from listing all of this in my head was making me feel a little sick. By the time I picked K up, I just wanted to sit there and cry for a few minutes. I kept it together though. Crying in front of boys never really goes well.

We napped a little more when we got back to my place. And after talking a little and taking some extra time getting ready and actually putting styling product in my hair and makeup on, we left to go have dinner with my parents. We went to this fantastic pizza place. They have all the normal kinds of pizza, but they also have a bunch of crazy ones. You can get lamb or arugala or pine nuts on your pizza. There's five sauces to choose from I think. We got a sampler pizza that was double cut so we got to try a bunch of the different pizzas they offer. It was delicious. The conversation was fantastic and I had a really good time. I'm so glad I have a boyfriend that I can bring around my family and it be really enjoyable for everyone.

After dinner K and I went to the movies. It was my turn to pick (this is not a firm and fast rule, but we do generally take turns when there's a bunch of stuff out there that we both want to see) and although I'm really interested in seeing American Gangster and Dan in Real Live, I decided on Lions for Lambs. I am so glad I did. It gave me quite a bit to think about and I would love to see it again. I'm glad we saw it at that particular theater because the sound was amazing. It's been a long time since I've been to a GOOD theater and the seats shook with the sound of the helicopter and whatnot. Lions for Lambs was amazing, but not in the sense of going to the movies to be entertained. The movie was heartbreaking and intense and thoughtful. Most of all though, it was thought provoking. I want to own it later on so I can watch it when I need a boost of passion and drive. It was written by the same guy who wrote The Kingdom, which I also completely loved, but I don't think I can really handle watching again. I would love for my government teacher to see either one or both movies and then sit and talk with him.

Today was just very kick-back. I did some of my cleaning and organizing and feel much better about the state of my apartment. It isn't a pigsty, but I feel as though I could and should be a much better housekeeper. As it stands now, I feel as though I need to apologize to anyone who comes over. I would like to not feel like I need to explain or apologize. It seems like it should be easier to just keep things neat than it actually is. In any case though, things are looking better.

I cooked a fantastic breakfast at 2:30 pm or so and K and I caught up on taped tv shows and just enjoyed each other's company until he had to go to work. Now I'm writing this blog while I'm waiting for my comforter to dry. It's been through one dryer cycle and I think it might take two more. It's just difficult to launder a queen size comforter. I bought a yoga dvd today and since it reccommends watching it once all the way through before doing it, that's what is left on the agenda for today.

The blood pressure and stress seem much more manageable after some calm quality time with my family and my boyfriend. That's really why it was a lovely weekend.

five reasons why i need to find a primary care physician

1. It's just good to have one.
2. I have high blood pressure, as discovered on a slow evening at work.
3. My back and neck get achey an awful lot.
4. I should know how much weight to lose and what the right way to do it is as told by a physician.
5. I'm just going to say high blood pressure again. I think everyone in my unit is concerned about me actually. We (they) decided tonight that I should have someone take it every day next week and me write it down and take that to the doctor.

california dreamin'

Today I was discussing Christmas plans with my mom and I realized it's been a year since I was last in California. My mom and I flew out so she could help my grandmother get ready for and then recover from her surgery and I flew out just as a surprise. We whisked Grandmommie off to San Francisco for the day and it was just all a really great trip.

When the semester was about to start, I realized that I had never been to college not in Riverside and it made me miss the landmarks I know there. I miss my friends, but over the years I have come to realize long distance friendships work as long as you keep in touch. It was more the donut place open 24 hours and the perfect spot to get hot and sour soup. The drive I could take up Central that would make me feel better because it was all wind-y and had lots of palm trees and I could take Victoria back to my apartment with the window down and inhale all the blossom scented air.

Next month marks my second year of living in San Antonio and I'm mildly surprised (although pleasantly) that it feels so thoroughly like home. I know short cuts to places and have even introduced others to cool restaurants. My family is here and that's why I came in the first place, but I've somehow managed to put roots down in a place I swore I'd never live and am enjoying my attachment. Part of it is K, but that's not all of it. I like the place I work and I think my apartment is fantastic.

Sometimes I am very frustrated about college and finishing my degree and finding money and time for it and wish I had just been able to motor through and finish my degree when I first started it. But the journey has been good despite all the roadblocks I basically set up for myself. It's led me to San Antonio and things are pretty good here.

Who would've thunk it?

wednesday wonders!

Oh, the old list of things making me happy. Sorry it's been gone for so long!

...my belly button BARELY itches today!
...me and the other secretary decided on a color and I wear the same color scrubs every day. I like it because I don't have to decide what to wear. I just have to find the clean ones.
...my hair is growing out. I liked the cut I got but have started to miss it being longer.
...it's actually kind of cold outside! All day long!
...pumpkin spice lattes.
...Miller Lite Genuine Draft in a bottle.
...Friends reruns.
...someone gave me a coupon for a discount on a massage today. I've never had one before and when I get some extra cash I'm totally using it.
...salads. I've been buying bowls that have the veggies and then dressing and a few extras like eggs and what have you in them. They are cheap and delicious.
...hummus and toasted English muffins cut into pieces.
...K being completely sweet, especially the past week and a half or so.
...the new season of House.
...the writers strike. It doesn't make me happy that tv is going to be changing and whatnot, but it makes me happy that they are standing up for themselves. I'm totally on the side of the writers and glad that the actors on my favorite shows are supporting the writers too. But you know what sucks? The Office only has two more taped episodes.
...making Thanksgiving food plans with my mom.
...thinking about day after Thanksgiving sandwiches. Mmmm...
...the Spurs are doing well!
...having an embarassing endearing nickname for my boyfriend that he secretly likes but would be mortified by if made public. It's not for adults only, it's just embarassing.
...good grades in my classes.
...last week my vcr messed up but my boyfriend's sister had a tape of Grey's Anatomy she let me borrow.
...cupcakes.
...encouragment from random places.
...npr
...actually knowing what's going on around the world.
...the movie The Kingdom STILL making me think. It was even better than Syriana, which I literally saw at least three times in the theater.
...The Real Housewives of Orange County. I can't help it. I just can't look away.
...snuggling down in my bed with all the covers pulled up over me. Fall is my favorite until winter comes and than that's definitely my favorite.
...still laughing over things my niece told me while we were making cupcakes.
...the bowl of ramen I'm about to eat. :)

it makes me a little sad

A guy in the department I used to work in died two days ago. He was kind of older and probably not in the best shape of his life so a heart attack is maybe not completely unexpected, but it's sad anyway. I think a lot of people didn't like him that much because he was always very gruff, but he brightened my day on more than one occassion. Getting Norm to laugh was a special treat because it would come out of seemingly nowhere and be accompanied by a fantastic smile.

I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

belly button update

Okay, so no one really cares. But I missed out on sleep last night because of this, so I definitely care.

The gist of it is I had my belly button pierced ages ago and took the jewelery out to let it close up months ago. Last week the hole got a little infected. I attacked it with a vengenace using alcohol, triple antibiotic ointment, and covering it up with bandaids. I'm either allergic to the adhesive in the bandaids or all the activity just irritated my skin and in any case I have a miserable rash. It looks like the eczema I used to get. I looked it up on webmed.com and I've just been cleaning it with gentle soap and using hydrocortisone cream on it to alleviate the itching. It looks AWFUL. It is bright pink and bumpy and disgusting. It's not infected, it seems to be getting better, but it is ITCHY. And also gross. I don't want to scratch it because that will make it worse and I do pretty well with that.

Except for last night while I could have been sleeping. I was constantly waking up because I was scratching and didn't want to be. And then around 5 am I just started crying because I was so itchy and so tired. Imagine my delight at having class and work today.

movie review monday: 30 days of night

30 Days of Night

Hard Candy director David Slade took the helm for this adaptation of Steve Niles' terrifying comic-book series of the same name. In Barrow, AK, one night can last an eternity. One month every year, this town is plunged into darkness for 30 days due to its location on the far north of the Arctic Circle. While extended periods of darkness are something that the locals have become accustomed to, this year something sinister is about to emerge from the long and unforgiving night. As a maniacal horde of vampires assume control of the city streets and commence to freely feasting on the terrified citizens, the local sheriff (Josh Hartnett), his wife (Melissa George), and a small but resilient band of survivors will be forced to choose between saving themselves or helping the few remaining members of their community survive the blood-soaked siege. Original comic creator Niles collaborated with screenwriters Stuart Beattie and Brian Nelson to pen a film produced under Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures banner. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

I chose the last movie, The Kingdom (which I'll probably review soon too because it was FANTASTIC and everyone should see it) so it was K's turn to pick. It was actually between We Own the Night, American Gangster, and Dan in Real Life until we realized it was an hour wait for those and 30 Days of Night was starting in a minute. So off we went. I kind of think we should have just waited for any of the other three.

I'm not a big fan of scary movies because I tend to think they are ridiculous and then they still startle me and I can't get the images out of my head right away. I love psychological thrillers which I admit is odd because those probably stay with you a lot longer than the slasher flicks but whatever, it's how it is. Scary movies in the theater are even less of a favorite thing for me but as long as I can grip K's hand and arm excessively, it's alright.

The premise was actually pretty decent. The sun sets for 30 days a year in Barrow, Alaska and about two-thirds of the town leaves for that month because of the lack of sunlight. The airport closes after the last sunset preceding the thirty days. It's winter and in Alaska, so blizzards abound and communication isn't so hot anyway. So when a pack of vampires descend on the town and start eating everyone, there's not a lot they can really do about it. There's a group of people that manage to survive and sneak around and try to figure out a way to survive the entire month and be able to warn other town in Alaska before next year.

With that said, it was lame. And ridiculously bloody. And creepy. The end wasn't that great and I was just kind of disappointed. Yet still a little skittish about the whole ordeal. There were some plot points brought up and then ignored which I super hate. One of the characters had an inhaler, which never became a problem. They mentioned living in Barrow for a reason, and that they knew the town and the cold so of course they could wait it all out but then never went back to the whole cold thing. It was super bloody and gruesome, as one would probably expect. Basically, I am glad the tickets were free, but there are several other movies I still want to see.

Final verdict? It's not a COMPLETE waste of time, but just rent it rather than going to see it in the theater.

okay so i already messed the post a day thing up

I didn't actually really do anything I had meant to this weekend. I didn't study, clean up very much, take care of some things for K, or finish traffic school online. I did sleep, be very itchy because my stupid bandaid rash isn't gone yet, and spend excessive time with K which included going to the movies and watching Grey's Anatomy. It wasn't a bad weekend by any means, but it wasn't as productive as I meant it to be.

I got a price list in the mail from the college I was thinking of going to next semester and I simply do not know how to do this. There's so many things that I will have to fight through to go to school next semester and it makes my stomach hurt. I will owe a tremendous amount of money by the time I graduate. I guess that's just true for everyone, but it's rotten. I don't think there's any other way to really do it. I'm doing scholarship searches and there are some feasible options there, but everything I have found is a few hundred dollars. I don't mean it's not worth it, because it really is, but it's still kind of a drop in a giant bucket.

I have to keep working full-time to be able to live on my own. I'm taking two classes right now that aren't especially involved and it's really hard. I can't keep taking two classes at a time because it will become even more ridiculously expensive and irritating that way. But, how am I going to do with four classes while working at least 40 hours a week? I think the degree is worth it because although I like my current job, it's not going to be something I can happily do in the longterm. There's not enough personal fullfilment in being a secretary and it's not enough money to support my hope of having kids and them knowing what the beach is like. More than the money though, I want a job that I am excited to have, not just a job that is tolerable and has moments of enjoyment in it. A degree doesn't guarantee that, but it opens up a lot more possibilities at least.

I'm going to figure out how to make it all happen, but I'm just not sure exactly how today. So I guess I'll just go to work, study a little, and clean my apartment for reals when I get home because for whatever reason it really makes me feel better to walk into a clean living room.

ah, the weekend

Saturdays are always a dilemia for me. I have the whole day off from work and I feel as though I should use it to catch up on everything I let slide during the week. The dishes, laundry, various other things I meant to be taking care of but that got lost in the midst of work and school and K. But then there are Saturdays like today when what I really do is something small with K and then nap and then watch some tv and then at the last part of the day go grocery shopping and do the dishes.

That is why it is so lovely that I get TWO days off in a row every week.

friday five

1. They say elephants never forget. Would you compare your memory to that of an elephant or gnat?
I have a pretty good memory.

2. What kinds of things do you find it easy to remember?
Anything I've written about someplace. Phone numbers aren't too hard usually.

3. What kinds of things do you find it difficult to remember?
Sometimes names, news facts. I remember the gist of the story but not dates and names and everything. Which sucks. It'd be so much more impressive if I REALLY knew everything going on in the world. Or state.

4. How does your short-term memory compare to your long-term memory?
About the same I suppose.

5. How do you commit things to memory? Do you use tricks, songs, images, word associations, or other little mnemonics?
I like flash cards. I don't have a photographic memory but sometimes if I picture the last place I saw a fact or name or something I can remember it.

fringe benefits

I work in a hospital.

This isn't new, but the unit where I work is slightly new. I have a lot more interaction with doctors and patients. The patients actually is still pretty low on the interaction list, but I answer the call lights, so there is that. Sometimes I whip up some broth or something too. But the doctors, I talk to them a lot. I get them order sheets and progress note sheets and page people and on and on. Some of them are hardcore jerks, most are pretty neutral, and some are hardcore cool.

Yesterday I noticed my old belly button ring hole was kind of infected. I now know about a bunch of infections and bacterias and complications so I was more concerned than I would have been say a few months ago. I asked one of the nurses when I should worry about the small little bump that was draining a little bit and then one of the techs was asking me questions. They finally said I should just show them and the doctor who had been sitting nearby going over a patient's chart said she wanted to see too.

I got a free little exam at work! Simple instructions: peroxide or alcohol, triple antibiotic cream, bandaids, and go to the doctor if it changes in size at all. I followed the directions and today my belly button looked MUCH better. I am, however, allergic to the adhesive in the bandaids from work because I have a lovely little rash right around my belly button, but I'll take that over cellulitis or MRSA any day.

Yay for a job with good insurance and yay for fringe benefits. :)

NaBloPoMo

National Blog Posting Month!

Every November there's this thing called NaNoWriMo where you're supposed to write every single day and crank out a 175 page novel at the end of the month. The main purpose to make writing a part of your every day routine and be able to glean some piece of all those words and turn it into something later. Of course, if you can just write a novel in a month, November is a handy enough month to do it in. NaBloPoMo is basically posting a new blog every day. There's no particular rule about what you have to post and quite frankly I couldn't even find an official site to sign up on, but I decided this evening that I would like to try to jumpstart my blog by participating.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff to write about but not actually taking the time to do so these days. You probably already noticed that... Instead of planning out posts in my head for so long that they never actually make it up on the screen, I'm just going to write and see how the words flow this month. It might be great, it might be crap, but at least you've got something to check out every day for a month on the web!

my work schedule

I officially work from 2:45 pm to 11:15 pm, Monday through Friday. The hours vary a tiny bit here and there but the days don't. When the hours vary, it's because I've finagled my way into going in a little early. I'm all about all the overtime I can get these days. I'm trying to make sure I don't slide into a hole again. Christmas is still going to be lean but luckily no one excepts much from a college student living on her own, even if she is 27 and should be done with college already.

I like coming home late in the evening. It's nice and quiet and calm and the nights have started to get cooler temperature wise even. I like that most of my neighbors are either asleep or winding down and I like coming into my apartment and not turning the tv on for awhile. Somtimes I get sensory overload at work and it's really nice to drive for ten-ish minutes on mostly deserted streets to come home to a quiet apartment. I like that when K comes over, sometimes I can hear him driving up and know it's him.

It's just nice.

i'll get around to doing wednesday wonders again soon

Tonight though, I just wanted to say I really love K. I don't know what it was about today that was particularly different than any other day, but every time I looked at him, I thought "Man, I love him."

the weather

The other day was a perfect October day. It was cool but not cold and it was kind of misty outside too. I loved it. Today I believe it is about 94 degrees. Hopefully things cool down and turn into autumn soon.

Fall and Winter are my favorite seasons. I like it cool outside. I love wearing sweaters and sweatshirts, or even just long sleeves. You'd think I'd like hot weather more than I do on account of all that growing up in California, but I don't. Being sweaty makes me feel icky and no matter how much it happens I can't figure out how to avoid the icky feeling.

I like snuggling down into my bed at night and curling up into the blankets to go to sleep. I love the rain and don't ever get tired of it. Even during this past summer with the record breaking downpours in San Antonio, I loved it. I don't love that my truck freaks out a little when there's a lot of water, but I can survive that alright.

The first time I remember getting four seasons a year was when we moved to Japan. I remember I told my mom I thought spring and fall were dumb because we should just get to the real weather. The inbetweens are lame. As I've gotten older though, I've come to appreciate the inbetweens more.

I should probable move someplace with more distinct seasons. After all, I currently live further down south than I did in Southern California.

my niece makes me laugh a lot

I spent some time with the babies this weekend.

My niece told me she wants to come over to my house to make cupcakes.

I asked her what kind she would like to make.

"Auntie, I want pink and purple ones."
"Hmm, I'm not sure if I know how to make purple ones, sweetie."
"It's easy! You mix them and color them and put them in the oven for fifteen minutes!" That's it! So I want to make pink ones and purple ones. It just takes fifteen minutes."

I have a few days to figure out how to make purple ones. It might take longer to figure out how a three year old knows it takes fifteen minutes in the oven to make cupcakes.

sometimes i feel like a big whiny baby but i can't always help it

Last weekend my boyfriend and I went and hung out with another couple. I like to do stuff as a couple with other couples because it barely ever happens. My very favorite other couple now lives in El Paso and another couple we had dinner with is very cool but I don't know them very well and feel odd about inviting them over to my place or something at this point. Maybe in another week. And after I finish hardcore cleaning up my apartment.

This particular other couple that we spent time with last weekend presents a unique and awkard situation for me that I don't feel comfortable writing too many details about here. I ended up drinking way too much and then puking even more and that is why I am going to stick to a two drink limit (with three on special occassions, MAYBE) from now on. I always hear about other people getting drunk and being all zany and the life of the party but I just get sick. This was the third time in my life and I really feel like three times is enough to fully learn the lesson.

The thing about the night that has stuck with me the most though through the week was the fact I don't really have any friends in San Antonio besides my boyfriend. K is completely fantastic, but no one can survive with their significant other alone and be healthy. We played video games, drank tequila, and watched part of a kung-fu movie. These are not awful things by any means, but they are not thing I would put on a list of a fun weekend activity. I tried, really hard, to have a good time and be a fun part of the evening but it was difficult. And the thing that was most difficult was that I can't say "Well, that was cool. Next weekend can we go hang out with some of my friends?" I don't have any. Not in San Antonio anyway.

I don't know how to fix it. I feel so unsure of myself these days and there are times when I don't want to talk about those kind of things with my boyfriend. I can talk to my parents because they are fantastic, but sometimes when things are tougher than I would like them to be, I want a good female friend I can go to La Cantera with and walk around while we pretend we are rich and decide what to spend our fake money on. Or go sit at a coffee shop and talk about everything and nothing. Or get cocktails and dessert. Or have a Sex and the City marathon complete with cosmopolitans and pizza rolls.

I don't know how to do this. I met K and started dating him so soon after moving here that I uninentionally skipped over really getting to know the city and meeting a bunch of random people. I don't regret the timeline because K is a really wonderful man and I love him tremendously. I'm just now at a point where I don't know how to spend as much time with him as I would like, still work, go to school and get good grades, and spend time with my family. I feel a little lost and maybe the most difficult piece of that is not even knowing how to find my way again.

I guess that's about it. I haven't had much time to sit and write things for other people to read lately, but I'm working on getting back into the regular posting game. It's time to go put some more hydrocortisone cream on various ant bites. Stupid bugs!

i have ant bites on my butt

Bugs in Texas suck. They're all bigger than bugs are supposed to be and they all apparently bite. Why would an ant bite you? Obviously you are bigger and a threat to its existance. GO AROUND.

I have ants in my BEDROOM. At first I thought it was because of my neighbors leaving trash outside their door all the time and the fact I get the newspaper delivered. I figured some of those ants crawled into my newspaper bag and then snuck out into my room. But after I vacuumed all those suckers up, later I noticed DIFFERENT ants crawling around. Why in my room, I don't know. I very rarely have food in there and it doesn't really stay in there anyway. Sometimes I have a glass of juice, but the same thing, I take it out. I might have random piles of things everywhere in my apartment but I don't really have garbage lying about. I guess they're looking for water, but they should really hang out in at least the bathroom in that case. Not around and in my bed. I don't ever see them in my bed, but when I wake up with welts on my arms (and now my butt), I figure they've made it up there somehow.

The apartment complex people are coming to spray on Tuesday, so I've got two more nights of vacuuming up little annoying biting bugs before I go to sleep. There's an ant hill right outside one of my windows. I saw a pile of dirt and kicked it just to see what would happen and it was like a horror movie. A million ants swarmed out of it. I was kind of afraid that when I went inside it was going to look like that on my carpet, but luckily it didn't.

Last year around this time, it was a scorpion on my pillow. This year it's ants. I guess the good thing though is that since I live in apartment complex I just call the office and schedule someone to come and spray and that's that. I'm not sure I'm ready to own a house. Pretending I could afford it and whatnot, I still would be a little wary of taking on yardwork and pest control at this point in my life. Right now it seems to be a very fair trade to be annoyed by the mysterious sounds coming from upstairs on occassion to be able to call the office to fix whatever it ailing my home.

five lovely things about today

1. I got an A on my first essay for my history class.
2. I got a nice paycheck, courtesy to my working my ass off. Yay! It was worth it!
3. The newspaper was waiting right outside my door when I went to leave this morning.
4. Grocery store sushi. Mmmm...
5. Very early this morning I had a fantastic texting session with K. I really love him and he really love me.

And that is that!

a list of what has been happening in the life of melissa

...work: a ridiculous number of hours. My friend Tina has been working 12 hour days five days a week for months now. I can only handle two 12 hour shifts a week mixed in with the other days. My last paycheck had about 20 extra hours though which is fantastic.
...school: two classes, one government and one history. I like them. I like the government one better than the history solely because of the teacher. He's rapidly moving into my list of favorite teachers ever.
...boyfriend: he's fantastic. Occasionally he is not, but I believe that to be true with everyone. And the few fights we've had get resolved pretty quickly for which I am grateful.
...severe lack of money: hence the extra hours. Ugh. I wish I knew how to make more money and still be able to go to school to get a job that I really actually want to do every day. My current job is fine, but nothing I want to do for the fifty more years I'll be working.

Hmm... I guess that's it. It just manages to take up a LOT of time.

the jena 6

Jena 6 Protesters Rally at Lousiana Town

I have to read the newspaper daily for one of my classes. The point really is to get us into the habit of knowing what's going on in our city, state, country, and the world and to be able to have intelligent conversations about current events with other people. There was a big fat article in the newspaper the other day about how college graduates don't know anything about fairly recent national events which irritated me because instead of implying we should do something about it, the article said that we're all in good company. I don't want to be in ignorant/naive company.

Anyway.

This story really got my attention today and I was glad we spent a good amount of time talking about it in class. About a year ago, six black high schoolers made sure they had school permission to choose to hang out under a particular tree. The school officials said they could hang out wherever they wanted to. Before that, a group of white high school boys had been hanging out there before and after class. The day after the black students congregrated under the tree, they came back to school to see three nooses hanging from the branches. I'm not sure on the timeline, but a few months later the six black students were arraigned for battery because one of the white students had been beaten. The student who was beaten went to a school function later that night and to another party the next night, so although it was serious, it wasn't life threatening enough to keep him from his social life. Yes, I'm biased here.

Today, 50,000 people descended on the town of Jena (population 3,000) to march in protest of the final student still being in jail. The other five had been released on bail. Some of the charges have been dropped or lowered in their severity for all six students.

I grew up in Nothern California and then moved to Southern California for college. I didn't grow up in this kind of environment. I remember being horrified when I learned about Martin Luther King Jr. and what he died doing. I thought it was ridiculous that such a movement was needed. The Bay Area is a pretty diverse population and my parents were really good about raising my sister and I with open minds and an appreciativeness for diversity.

Watching the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina showed me how little has been actually done as far as civil rights go. Racism, discrimination, and the like are alive and well. I'm glad that 50,000 people descended on a small town to protest this fact and to help some real people. The black boys weren't in the right and should probably be punished, but to be tried as adults after some white boys hung nooses where they had been hanging out the day before seems ridiculous.

My teacher asked us today what we think we'll have to face from Iraq in about fifteen or twenty years. The reason racism is so alive and well after all the progress we've made in the law books is because although it's illegal to act on the hatred, parents still pass their mindsets on to their children. So what will the little children in Iraq grow up thinking about Americans? Will their parents share the vision that has been touted in the media about it being Operation Freedom or will they remember all of the bombs and social structures being destroyed? Will they think it was better when Saddam Hussein was in power or when the Americans swooped in and things changed so radically?

It's a lot to think about. And it makes me want to take about ten more classes that have something, anything to do with political science and history.

wednesday whats

what i've been watching:

The Aristocrats. It's a documentary about this digusting joke that has been around for hundreds of years. It's really a joke that comics tell each other because although everyone knows the punchline, it's an opportunity to display your set-up ability. It really is a foul joke because the point is to juxtapose the set up with the punchline, but towards the end of the documentary they talked about how what is offensive has changed over the years. It was also interesting to see the difference between younger comics and older ones and to hear how that joke has appeared in situations through the years. Fascinating but gross all at the same time.

House: Season 3. Absolutely fantastic show. I borrowed the first two seasons on dvd from my friend Mike and was really excited to realize the third one was coming out with theoretically enough time to watch it before the fourth season starts on tv. There is something cool about just watching a show on dvd, but I'm sure my curiousity will win out as this season will inevitably end on another cliffhanger. I am fascinated by the display of two different ways of approaching things (pragmatic vs. emotional) conflicting and working together in the same episode. But I have to say, I enjoyed it a tiny bit more when I wasn't so familiar with diagnostic bloodwork.

Fracture. I love movies that make you think as you watch them. Anthony Hopkins kills his wife and then plays an elaborate game with the police and prosecution. Shocking, I know, but no one plays the evil mastermind like Anthony Hopkins so I think we should just let him keep doing it. Ryan Gosling was great and I really enjoyed the movie overall. If you like whodunits, definitely rent it immediately.


what i've been reading:

What's Eating Gilbet Grape by Peter Hedges. It's good. Kinda weird. I saw the movie a million years ago, and K and I were talking about it a little bit ago because it's one of his favorite books and movies. I'm trying a new thing where I don't finish the book in two point five seconds. I'm trying to read it slowly and think about it inbetween reading and not miss anything. I read really fast and when I read books sometimes I think I kind of miss things because of it. It usually drives K crazy that I can start and finish a book so quickly but now that I'm actually trying to take longer, that's annoying him a little bit I think. I'll probably finish it tomorrow.

what i'm checking out on the internet:

www.apple.com
Brand new iPods, new deals on iPhones, and fabulous additions to iTunes. Excuse me while I wipe the drool from my chin.

www.msnbc.com
My current favorite news and celebrity gossip site. I read most of the site every day because I am a nerd. Also, because one of my teachers expects us to read the news every day so we can talk about it in class, but mostly because I'm just a nerd. I like it a little better than cnn.com because there's not as many stories that are exclusively video feeds.

www.realsimple.com
My favorite non-girlie magazine. I mean, like non-Cosmo/Glamour/etc. It's a lovely web site full of a gazillion tips for housekeeping and recipes and organzing time and the like. My mom has had a Good Housekeeping subscription my whole life, and I feel like this will be my standby subscription at some point. Actually, probably as of my next paycheck. :)

www.twentyonepictures.com/gallery/shoeproject/index.html
Just because it's fantastic.

what is making me happy these days:
a fantastic birthday!
more birthday celebrations still to come!
i started going to school again!
work is going well
i get to spend practically every weekend with my boyfriend and it is rarely not the highlight of my week
new recipes
leftovers
curly hair

email

My main email address is my first initial and my last name. It's simple, it's professional if I need it to be, it's easy. I've had it for a few years. I decided when I got this email address that I would try to just use it for a long time so I can be moderately accesible on the internet. I've moved a lot and maybe someone from the past will try to contact me. Changing my email address every so often kind of deters that.

I'm sure everyone occassionaly gets emails that weren't meant for them. But lately, I think there are people whose names fit the criteria I used to create my email address that just wish they had done it first so they tell people that's what their email address is. I'm on a list that gets minutes about a homeowner's association. I'm on someone's work email list that gets me tons of work forwards. And now? Some genius thinks they are emailing themselves little handy notes about things but instead is emailing me.

I'm on the verge of just changing my address again. The thing keeping me from it is I shouldn't have to adapt because other people can't remember their own email address.

today is my birthday!

I am 27 whole years old. My nephew is officially 2 and a half years old. His birthday is February 28th which means my birthday is his half birthday and his birthday is my half birthday. And you know what? He's going to think that's cool in the same way I do when he gets a little older. My niece will probably roll her eyes every time either of us mention it, but that's cool. I never realized I could love two people the same amount but in such different ways.

Anyway.

I love my birthday. I like to do as many things as possible in the name of my birthday and this year has been fantastic so far. My sister took me out to dinner on Sunday night. My favorite nurse baked an apple pie in honor of my birthday and brought it yesterday. I've gotten a bunch of emails and myspace comments wishing me a happy day. K and I went to Coldstone before I had to go to class and he had to go to work (hint: go to www.coldstonecreamery.com and sign up for their club thing and you get a coupon for a free medium sized ice cream during your birthday month). I went to my first class and I think I am really going to like it. In any case, it feels amazing to be back in school. I'm so excited that my teacher said we need to read the newspaper and watch or listen to the news every day because now I have a real reason and get to participate in discussions with a wide variety of people. Later on K and I are going out for some Indian food.

So I've been thinking about some stuff I want to work on, and here's my rough list of goals. I want to make some of them a little more specific, but I think this is a pretty good list:

-set up an apartment cleaning schedule to make it more of a habit
-only eat out occassionaly
-weekly bubble baths
-weekly journal entries
-find one new cool place in San Antonio a month (make a list of some places to find too)
-eat healthier
-work out 3 times a week
-try one new recipe a week
-set up automatic deposit into separate savings account
-take one trip by myself
-take one trip with K
-have people over six times during the year (movie nights or something)
-organize my closet
-revamp my blog and think about trying to get more readers
-be in school with a degree plan and estimated date of graduation
-have 2 Auntie and Niece days
-have 2 auntie and Nephew days
-celebrate two year anniversary with K on time (at least within the month)
-lose weight to be healthier

I want to make a big list of goals to cross of during my lifetime, but I haven't given it much thought. I do realize that I love making lists and for a little bit kind of strayed away from it. But lists are really fantastic. One of the ways I know that K is a very good fit for me is because he sometimes adds things to the lists I jot down when I'm not looking. The latest one says "Love my boyfriend." Like I need to put that on a list of things to do. :)

27 isn't very old in the grand scheme of life, but it's the oldest I've ever been. And so far, this year is off to a great start. Please excuse me while I go take a birthday nap.

ps. Special thanks goes to my Splendid friend Splenda/Kate for her goal suggestions. Other people had helpful things to say too, but she really took charge of the situation. Thanks Kate!

five bands i FREAKING LOVE

1. Plumb
2. Dave Matthews Band (and anything Dave Matthews attaches his name to)
3. Jimmy Eat world
4. Jars of Clay
5. Tegan and Sara

thinking on a thursday

Lately I've been taking stock of where my life is at and deciding what I like and what I don't. I realize the typical person does this in December to get ready to make New Year's resolutions, but I always feel like it's more of a fresh year in August because that's when my birthday is. I love my birthday. I don't anticipate that ever really changing. I don't expect EVERYONE to make a big deal out of it, but as long as I get to do something to mark the occassion, I'm a happy girl.

I've been trying to think of some small goals that I can meet relatively quickly, some medium goals that will instigate some life changes, and some long term goals that may take working on all year to accomplish. The point isn't so much to be able to cross every thing off my list but to try. In the past I've discovered that a goal that sounds great at the beginning isn't entirely feasible and other ideas may pop up as I go along.

I like who I am and how I look, for the most part. Both need improvements though and that's what I'm thinking about these days.

wednesday whats, trial entry (even though it's thursday)

I'm changing some things up and I would like to know what you think. Please comment or email me and tell me what you like and what you don't like. You can always comment anonymously if you're afraid to say who you're are, I don't mind!

What I'm listening to:

What I'm watching:

What I'm checking out on the internet:
www.popgadget.net because women need their own LifeHacker-ish site.
www.notmartha.com because I feel inspired to do crafty things but need some ideas.
www.tigersandstrawberries.com because I love Chinese food and want to buy a wok and learn how to use it soon.

What else is making me happy:
my birthday is next week and I have fantastic plans!
K got a car!
Mike just gave me a bunch of new music and I am happily overloaded with really listening to new albums!
exchanging recipes with coworkers.
text messages.

it's technically thursday, but it's cool

I want to do a new thing for Wednesdays but I was working on it earlier and it's going to take a lot more time than I realized, at least at first. I might finish that particular draft later on, but in the meantime, here's a list of happy things:

...I had the best day with K today. He came over before I had to go to work and we had lunch and after we were both off tonight, we met for some beers and then some burgers. Then I found a note he left for me, and I just really love him.
...work is going super well.
...my birthday is next week!
...school starts next week, on my birthday!
...the hurricanes have not brought too much flooding to my area of Texas which is a relief. The water was getting a little crazy there for awhile.
...there's bats that live in the parking garage where I work. It's gross and cool at the exact same time.
...my little love of music revival is way fun and it's also affecting people around me in a great way.
...I have a Regina Spektor song stuck in my head and it's lovely.
...Mike gave me a ton of new albums!
...my nails have been growing super fast lately.
...I am still getting compliments on my haircut. I will post a picture soon.
...watching National Treasure was great because it was a cool movie and the characters were all super big nerds.
...nerds can be cool.
...beer can be cool too. Getting a beer buzz is great because it doesn't take much and it goes away before any damage is really inflicted.
...I've got some new friends that I can hang out with and be real with. Awesome.
...I'm having fun rethinking various habits in my life. Stopping to evaluate so many things has made me feel really free.
...I'm excited about writing more blogs about different stuff I've been thinking about!

a bunch of rambling started by listening to a dave matthews cd

I jumped on the Dave Matthews Band bandwagon considerably after everyone else did. I fell in love with the song "Crash Into Me" upon first listen. It has all the criteria of a song for me to love. Acoustic guitar, lyrics that are deep and simple at the same time, and a crescendo that resolves itself in a lovely way. The first album I really had was Everyday which is possibly a blasphemous fact to most DMB fans. But I also had the whole Lillywhite album downloaded off of Napster before Busted Stuff became a reality.

My friend Rebecca introduced me to the Live at Luther College album one night while a carload of us were headed to Santa Cruz and I realized there was a lot about Dave Matthews I didn't know yet. I absolutely adore that album, the second disc especially. It is on my list of perfect driving albums. It's also perfect for the beach and for listening to while writing (academic OR personal). Someone borrowed it from me and never gave it back, but I will be remedying that soon enough.

A few years back when I was living in Northern California, my friend Tina and I decided on a complete whim to go to Southern California to visit some friends. It was a crazy trip with us taking turns driving like madwomen to get to Riverside, staying on couches in Dan's parent's living room, and hanging out. Dan was playing in a band that happened to be opening for Tim Reynolds in San Juan Capistrano and so we just went to that too. I got my industrial ear piercing practically on the way to that show which was not the best of ideas but it is the only piercing I still have jewelry in, so obviously it wasn't a waste in the end.

It turns out that Tim Reynolds by himself is kind of weird. He's a small man and just a little odd. Breathtakingly talented, but most of his solo music is not acoustic. He annoyed actually that a lot of the people there wanted him to play songs like Stream and he explained (growled) that's how he plays with Dave Matthews, but for his solo work, he prefers the electric guitars and synthesizers he was using. It was weird but I could see the talent although I was disappointed it wasn't more of the acoustic stuff I knew him for.

Tina and I drove him from the venue, slept, and then met up a few hours later to go see Dave Matthews Band. Then we got to see them AGAIN the next night. They played a couple of the same songs both nights, but they basically had two set lists. It was truly fantastic. Later when we talked about it trying to decide which night we would have gone to if we could only get tickets for one night, neither of us could decide. If I had the time, money, and opportunity, I'd go see them two nights in a row again for sure.

K said Starbucks just started carrying two Dave Matthews cds and he wanted to get them. When he told me he got one and it was live, I was curious, and then when he said it was with Tim Reynolds, I asked him to immediately bring it over so I could listen to it/rip it. When we put it in my cd player in my truck, happiness immediately washed over me. I looked at the songs and got a little more excited because most of my favorite DMB songs are on there and it seemed like there were a few of Tim by himself as opposed to the one on Live at Luther College. I have loved listening to it and hearing the little nuggets of conversation Dave offers through the songs. It is a truly fantastic set of discs and not just because my boyfriend effectively gave them to me.

I've been thinking about music a lot lately. For a fairly significant portion of time, it seemed like music surrounded my life. Most of my friends were in bands, I worked at a music store, and I did grassroots marketing for a record label. I worked for a band for awhile and loved knowing what was new, what was hot, and what was coming around the corner. That passion has waned over the past couple of years especially beause I've moved on to other things. I was cut off from my supply of free new music through changing jobs and whatnot and my friends have changed over the years as well. Ever since I started thinking about how this happened and whether or not it was okay, I've had songs stuck in my head.

Getting a chance to listen to this new set of cds came at the perfect time. It has revived my love of the acoustic guitar. I still don't have the cash to fund my music habit in the way I would like. In any case though, my iPod will be getting a lot more use as I rediscover other artists I haven't heard in awhile and enjoy all the new music Mike just brought me today.

It's not bad to change the focus of where your life is it. But sometimes it is really lovely to pick up a habit from the past, dust it off, and put it through some speakers. :)

...

I have a lot on my mind these days, too much to be able to properly write. As I sort some stuff out, please continue to be patient.

Also, I'm making a list of goals for myself for the year (my birthday is coming up) and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions? Any idea is a good one because I want to have some small things on my list and some things that might just take all year to accomplish. An idea you have of something you think I should accomplish or you yourself are working on might fit on my list perfectly or inspire a new idea too. You can post it in the comments anonymously or email me. Please do!

I'll be back to posting regularly soon. I just needed a little break. Thanks for still checking to see if I've posted anything new!

while i'm waiting for my room to cool down...

Even when he is part of the turmoil I am trying to sort out in my mind, just sitting and talking with K makes my heart calmer. There is something about the way he loves me and believes in me, just in general, that is a great comfort even when all we are talking about is whether or not it's okay for girls to fart in public and the difference between chicken nuggets, strips, and pieces. When he takes my hand to trace my fingers with his own or plays with my hair, something in me knows what we have is very good and I just understand this again without having to really think about it.

I think there are times for making lists and seeing pros and cons right in front of you. But I think there are other times for just trusting a feeling you've got deep inside you.

wednesday wonders

Happiness abounds!

...this weekend was seriously fantastic and better than I had even thought it would be. My boyfriend rocks.
...before I went on my mini-vacation, I got to hang out with my grandmother.
...now that I'm back from my mini-vacation, I get to hang out with Splenda AND her husband!
...today is the first day of August. Also, it is the first day of my birthday month.
...I get to make a list of goals for the year.
...today I went to the local community college, talked to an advisor, and got registered for the fall.
...I got a tour of the campus from my friend Splenda as she hung out with me waiting the two hours it took to actually get to see an advisor.
...my niece told my mom she had a new best friend. My mom asked what her name was and my niece said "Um, I don't know. I'll ask her tomorrow." I love three year olds.
...I've been reading lots of books lately.
...I've been seeing some good movies lately too.
...today a new girl at my old Starbucks gave me a free drink. I don't exactly know why, but why is anyone going to look a gift soy chai latte in the mouth?
...I renewed my lease on my apartment which means I don't have to move for nine more months.
...my new job is going very well.
...I have not broken my new to me phone.
...seriously, the fireflies we saw on Sunday were amazing! I don't think I ever saw them in California.
...almond M&Ms are fantastic.
...peach preserves.
...long walks with my man. It doesn't happen a lot, but hopefully this is a trend that will continue.
...I know I already said this, but I'm taking classes this fall. Yay for Melissa!
...my birthday falls on a Tuesday this year. That means I will hear it mentioned with new releases of books, dvds, and music. I love it when my birthday falls on a Tuesday or a Friday.
...I don't know exactly what K is going to get me for my birthday, but I already know it will be fantastic.
...having cheap good frozen pizza in my freezer.
...emailing one of my California friends while at work. I miss having an email buddy and I've missed her a lot lately so it's nice to meet two needs with one electronic stone.
...my friend Splenda has this fantastic way of making great points in a gentle way. I am so glad I get to hang out with her in person for awhile.
...I'm just happy.

back home

K and I had an absolutely fantastic weekend. We left after having some lunch on Saturday and checked into the cutest bed and breakfast ever that is about an hour's drive away. Actually, I used half a tank of gas total over the whole weekend. It was just far enough away that we both got to put our lives on pause while we enjoyed eachother and the little town we were in but not so far that it was an overwhelming process to get there or come home. We left this afternoon to come home and were both a little sad to go. K wants to go back for a week or so sometime. I'm completely down with the idea. :)

Some things we did not do:
-get married.
-buy a ton of stuff.
-hole up in our little cottage the whole time.
-spend a ton of money.

Some things we DID do:
-had the two most amazing breakfasts that I do believe I've ever had. And delivered right to our little table and everything!
-walked up and down Main Street, marvelling at how cool some stuff was and how ridiculously hokey other things were.
-went to see the bats emerge from their cave on Saturday night to discover we needed to be there earlier, with binoculars, and some cash to go to the lower observation area.
-went to see the bats emerge on Sunday night with bug repellent, binoculars, and cash and had a terrific time learning about bats, watching them fly out, and being delighted by the abundance of fire flies.
-had one of the best dinners I believe I've ever had. On the all time list of terrific meals and places I want to take everyone I know to now is a place in Texas that includes a 10.5 mile drive down a road that has at least three points that will flood with a hearty downpour. Fried portabello mushrooms with ginger and wasabi ranch and a burger with swiss cheese, bacon, roasted garlic, lettuce, and tomato. I don't even want to eat another burger for awhile because this one was SO GOOD.
-took a bunch of pictures and discovered we are awful at aiming the camera at ourselves and taking a picture.
-bought some souviners. I got some peach preserves and K got this awesome metal poster thing. We'll also be ordering the cookbook from the bed and breakfast later because OMG IT WAS SO DELICIOUS.
-talked a lot about a gazillion different things.
-watched some movies, read a little, curled up with each other a lot.

It was completely great and I am so glad we went. I had a terrific time and it was even better than I had thought it would be. I hope we can go back soon, and I would really love to stay longer next time. It'll happen, I just don't know when. And I have to say, I'm a little sad that I'm back all alone in my apartment tonight. I really love that man. :)

five reasons i am super stoked about tomorrow

1. I have a whole weekend off from work.
2. K and I are going to a nearby little city and staying in a bed and breakfast.
3. We are super excited about a temporary change of scenary.
4. It will be an excellent time to just hang out as we put the rest of our lives on pause just for a little while.
5. I've never done anything like this before and can't think of anyone I'd rather go away for the weekend with than K.

Yay!

wednesday wonders!

My latest list of happy things.

...getting to hang out with my grandmother right here in Texas!
...the babies running around and jumping on my grandmother.
...I have a boyfriend who does not freak out when I have cramps. I have a boyfriend who will make me some toast so I can take some drugs to get rid of the cramps.
...me and said boyfriend are going away for the weekend to a place we've never been and it is going to be a fantastic weekend. I haven't ever done anything like this before and the closer it gets, the more ridiculously excited about it I get. I printed up the little brochure from the b&b so I can look at it every day and smile.
...the timing of our weekend getaway is perfect in several different ways for both of us. Seriously, you'd be amazed if I outlined it all for you.
...I graduated from secretary school a day earlier than everyone else!
...I saw the latest Harry Potter movie and I loved it!
...I finished reading the latest Harry Potter book today and I loved that too! I didn't even stay up all night at all this week. Last night I stayed up a tiny bit extra, but it was only until the clothes were done in the washing machine and ready to be put in the dryer. I want to read the Half Blood Prince again and then read the Deathly Hallows again too though because I already know everything that will happen and will be sure to absorb it all. I'd really like to read ALL of them again, back to back, but I only own the last three. I read all the others while sitting at Barnes and Noble. Heh.
...I like the rain. I know everyone else is getting sick of it, but I really am loving it.
...when I snuck back outside to get my book, I saw three teeny tiny frogs on the sidewalk! It's like I live in a freaking rainforest these days.
...I can watch Conan on a regular basis again.
...my new job is working out nicely in a lot of ways.
...K and I celebrated our anniversary. A little late, but that wasn't really too important for this round. It was a really lovely day, and my uber talented man made me a very sweet card. I took a picture of it so it shows up on my phone when he calls me.
...movie theater popcorn with butter and jalapenos is very good. And probably kind of a very Texan thing to do. But it was delicious.