cold induced rambling

Well, I'm not saying it's her fault exactly, but one of my coworkers came to work two days last week coughing and sniffing and with a very hoarse voice and now I am at home watching Kathy Griffin in my pajamas, coughing and sniffing and no one can hear me on the phone. She said she felt fine but just sounded awful which I think was basically crap, because I sound exactly like she did and I definitely do not feel fine. But one day in pajamas in bed will probably do me just fine.

I think the way the story goes is when my parents got married and they got their first Christmas tree, they realized they had no ornaments. So when I was born, they decided to get me an ornament every year. My grandparents did too and I have them all. My parents have done a very good job of getting me an ornament that had something to do with what happened that year. Not that the ones my grandparents are bad or anything. After all, my famous New Kids on the Block one came from them. Anyway though, I have all these fantastic ornaments but no place to put them. Last year I didn't even pull them out at all because it was such a strange Christmas. My mom and I went to California and she stayed until February and we never really had a full family Christmas celebration in San Antonio.

So this weekend I wanted to clean up my apartment and then get out the decorations because it was officialy December and Christmas season. I went to Target just to see if there was any creative and very cheap way to bring some Christmas cheer to my apartment and oh my gosh, there totally was. I bought a 3 foot fake Christmas tree and it turns out it is the perfect size for a strand of lights and my ornaments! I love it. It looks like me. There's stars all over it and ballet slippers and a volley ball player and Starbucks cups and ones that say Melissa. It's great!

But it's also strange. There's no room on that tree for K's ornaments. I don't know that he has any, but if he did, it would be difficult to fit them in and have a balanced tree. I don't know how I feel about that. I have my own apartment that I work my ass off to pay for myself and I take my own trash out. I pay my bills and sometimes my parents bail me out but it mostly has to do with unexpected ridiculous medical expenses like when they tell me my heart my explode unless I take some crazy costly pills. I am a strong and independant woman. Even so though, I have to say that last night when K came over with some groceries because he knows I have no money this week and wanted to make sure there was a little variety in my fridge and he got turkey sausage and multigrain waffles, it made me ridiculously happy and warm inside.

The holidays are weird when you're in a fairly serious relationship but it's not THAT serious (yet?) because you have to make all kinds of decisions about whose family you're going to be with when and who you should buy presents for and whose traditions do you follow more or are you at the point where you can start your own? Do you have the boyfriend in the family Christmas card picture your parents are sending out? How do you enjoy your independant Christmas tree and not feel guilty that your amazing boyfriend is nowhere on it?

So that's just what I was thinking about inbetween blowing my nose and breathing though my mouth and wishing there was something good on tv.