anyone?

K and I will have been dating for two years next month and I would like to celebrate. Money is somewhat tight and I'll be moving right around our anniversary as well. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on something for us to do. So far we've thought of staying someplace for one or two nights or going out to dinner at a restaurant we don't normally go to. Any specific ideas of places or restaurants would be much appreciated, but also any vague ideas anyone has would help too.

So what have you done for anniversaries? It doesn't have to be a super serious solemn event. But we figure two years is worth marking somehow. :)

weight watchers week 3 (again)

This week was not the phenomenon last week was but I think that's probably to be expected. No stars for me today! I lost .2 pounds. It's still a loss, so that's good. But I'm a little bummed.

But I know where things went wrong. Weekdays are always easier than the weekends because I don't eat much before or after work and it's been fairly easy to bring my own food and only eat that while I'm there. The weekends are where it gets tricky because I have a lot more free time on my hands and I have a boyfriend who is much more interested in fast food than healthy home cooking. It's not his fault, don't get me wrong. But I need to be a little stronger and more intentional with weekend eating. And also with not eating before going to weigh in on Monday morning.

Last week I ate a lot more frozen meals. I don't think that's necessarily bad, but I think it was easier to stay on top of things by not eating so many frozen meals. When I'm thinking more about what I'm eating and taking more time to plan out my day, it goes a little smoother. I think anyway.

We'll see this week!

As of week three: -9.2 pounds.

venting

Last week was particularly difficult for me at work. I feel like that's all I say when I talk about work and that it's been that way since sometime in December. We've been really busy and I've been feeling crushed on both sides. The hospital is full so beds aren't being assigned and then administrators are coming by and asking us to do things I'm sure they feel are simple but they just are not. Patients and family members are worried and nervous and not in the best of moods or very understanding when it comes to not getting the answers they would like. Doctors are frustrated because they aren't getting satisfying answers as to why their patients have to wait for a bed. And then finally, I absolutely know they don't mean it, but the nurses I work with dump on me as much as everyone else sometimes.

One of the nurses is someone I always enjoy talking to because she has a way of either making me laugh at myself or helping me understand the bigger picture without being condescending. I like talking to her about everything really and she's shown me the most about my job by far too. I told her on Thursday that I had just had it. I was sick of being talked to like I'm an idiot or like I'm someone intentionally trying to piss doctors off. I'm sick of people expecting me to pull things out of my ass for them to do their job when they are the ones who forgot whatever it is they need in the first place. I'm sick of getting dumped on by everyone, whether they mean it or not. She just laughed and said I shouldn't care so much. I know. I do. There are times when it doesn't bother me at all. I can let it slide off my back and barely give it another thought. There wasn't any one thing that was such a ridiculous event during the entire week that it wrecked everything. Rather, it was the culmination of events. It was the mulitple comments and complaints, the irritation I fielded, the general piss poor attitudes of those around me.

I am finding myself slipping into a mode where I expect everyone to realize I am a person with genuine feelings and emotions and unfortuantely I feel that as a secretary that is really dangerous. It's not going to happen. For good or bad, most of the time I am the voice on the other end of the phone and I am the body that sits in the chair that is supposed to know everything about anything happening in the unit and most of the rest of the hospital. It has nothing to do with 27 year old Melissa who dreams of a degree in psychology, being married and having babies, and living in a place where it snows in the winter.

On the flip side of that though, I need to realize that the angry doctor in front of me could be angry because one of his favorite patients died yesterday and he couldn't do anything to stop it. The nurse delegating everything she possibly can to me might be having a hard time concentrating because something happend with her kids that morning and she wants to make sure the patients don't feel the reprecussions of it. I don't really think everyone is being bitchy just because they feel like it so I need to stop acting like everything is personal.

Easier said than done.

But I finally feel like the rest of my life is going pretty well again and maybe that can carry me through rough days at work. I'm losing weight and feeling really good about it, money is going pretty well, I get to pick another apartment to live in and go through all my stuff and par down and that's always good, and no matter what happens during the week I get to spend most of the weekend with the love of my life and not much else makes me happier than that.

weight watchers week 2 (again)

I went and weighed in this morning and stayed for the meeting. They start weighing people half an hour before the meeting starts and I got there ten minutes before the meeting figuring that was enough time to weigh in and not have to sit forever waiting around. Unfortuantely it meant I missed the beginning part of the meeting because of a combination of everyone else having the same idea and there only being one person doing the weigh ins and that particular person having a VERY difficult time handling the computer. I'm not going to lie, I have a hard time being patient with people having so many issues with computers. I try really hard to not show irritation but this is one of those things that just gets my goat. That and "your" instead of "you're". I usually keep it to myself though, don't worry.

Anyway, I weighed in and she asked if it was okay if they gave me my reward in front of everyone. I said sure because I figured it was something for being back on the second week. Then I snuck a look as I walked into the meeting room and saw that I had lost NINE POUNDS. 9! That's insane. I want to lose 10 pounds in my first four weeks and I'd say that I'm doing quite well on that. It's awesome but kind of embarassing too. I didn't eat any fast food last week and I ate a lot of vegetables and fruit. I stayed away from soda and candy too but I didn't feel like I was deprived at all. It's embarassing that making a few changes resulted in such a phenomenal result right off the bat. But I will be continuing, nonetheless!

Things that worked:
-taking a big ol' bag of food to work every day. I didn't buy any food at work this week which was better for my wallet and obviously also for my waistline.
-drinking plenty of water every day. I had been doing this anyway, but I made sure I was getting enough every day according to the guidelines. I also drank some water rather than going straight for juice or soda when I was thirsty.
-eating fruit every day. This satisfied hunger better than I thought it would and took away cravings for sweet stuff.
-when someone offered me my favorite candy, I took two instead of taking a handful. I still ate some but didn't overdo it.

Things I want to work on this week:
-drinking more milk. I pretty much met the dairy guidelines every day but only barely and not so much on purpose. My nails have started breaking more so I definitely need some more milk in my diet.
-going to the gym on a regular basis again.
-continuing with the bringing food to work.
-getting some more sleep.

I'm down 9 pounds! Yay!

ta-da!

I'm officially starting Weight Watchers again, thanks to some generous help from my parents. I'll try to do the WW updates again as well. I really seriously need to lose weight so I can not have to worry about my blood pressure. I'm sure that's the culprit behind the nasty headaches I've been getting. I have a doctor who doesn't mind writing me prescriptions to knock the crap out of pain and tension, but I would rather not have to deal with it in the first place.

So here I am, starting the whole process once again. This time it's going to stick though. I know it will because going to the gym has gone well. My friend Kate has lost like sixty pounds and that is excellent motivation (I want to be as hot as her!) and also a good source of encouragement and advice. My boyfriend needs a little help changing some habits to be healthier and I can show him that it's not actually a drag to eat healthy foods more than you eat not so healthy foods. And I have an appointment with my cardiologist in June that I HAVE to have shown some improvement at so I don't have to go and keep sitting in the lobby with a bunch of old people waiting to see the cardiologist.

My first goal is to lose 10 pounds in the first four weeks of resigning up. I think I can do it if I really stay on top of things. I will let you know how it goes!

sometimes finding the truth is easier than facing it

That's the tag line for the movie In the Valley of Elah. K and I watched it today and I was fairly blown away. I didn't know much about it and wasn't really interested in seeing it, but K's stepmom picked it for everyone to watch today and I have to say, I'm glad she did. It's a war movie, but not in the typical sense. It's an after coming back from fighting in the war movie. It's disturbing because the film highlights how being in Iraq can change people and make them do things they never would have before and think about things in ways that would have been previously unacceptable but doesn't even hint at a way to address it or fix it or anything at all. I'd put this movie in the same category with The Kingdom and Lions for Lambs in that it makes you stop and think and then want to sit and cry because we are in so deep into a problem that spans so many facets that fixing it seems impossible. If I had a flag, I would be tempted to start flying it upside down myself.

boring but so lovely to me anyway

This weekend was great! Friday night after finally getting to leave work, Nurse Heather and I got some chips and queso coupled with margaritas. Then I met up with K and we got to catch up about our weeks and stuff. Saturday I never even took a shower. I was a complete bum! Sunday (which is still kind of today since I haven't gone to bed yet) was some more lounging and a meal at IHOP and some shopping at Target with K. He helped me clean up my apartment a little bit. I had a vision of really hardcore cleaning it which we didn't really do, but doing all the laundry and folding it AND putting it away and doing most of the dishes and putting THEM away really made a difference in how I feel about my place and all. I bought a nifty duster thing and cleaned my ceiling fans and cleaned out my fridge. K and I ordered pizza and watched Ninja Warrior and it was all just great. Super non-exciting but I feel refreshed. Actually I'm still a little tired but thankfully the headache I had literally all day on Friday went away and hasn't returned.

So right now I'm going to get another glass of water and go to bed and watch Roseanne until I fall asleep. I'm turning off my phone ringer and sleeping heartily.

...

It is Wednesday night and I am EXHAUSTED. I have TWO more days to go before the weekend!

i'm all sweaty and it feels great

I didn't sleep the best last night. Work has been very stressful. I have missed out on a few things I really wanted to attend because of work which sucks because it has been so stressful there. I just started a new class and this one is a lot harder than my last one so I need to set aside more time at home to work on it. I'm stressed.

Tonight I went to the gym and I did 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer on the cross training setting so the intensities went up and down and whatnot. I tried to keep my heart rate around 130 for fat burning and I was right around there the whole time. So I was working hard enough to accomplish things but not so hard that I was going to pass out any second.

I'm home now and all sweaty and I'm definitely tired but I'm happy. And accomplished. This is week three of working out regularly and it's going great! I want to be more deliberate about my routines (um, maybe HAVING a routine is a good place to start) in March, but I think just going and pushing myself has made it a good start on this whole path.

wednesday wonders: the why can't I just fall asleep already version

Happy happy things...

...a really great Valentine's Day with K. The holiday itself is not a big deal to me but getting to celebrate being in love with K with him was pretty fantastic.
...sweettart conversation hearts
...as i am by alicia keys. Need something new to listen to at the gym? Go to this gal. Even the mellower stuff kicks ass with its beats and simply incredible arrangements and lyrics. LOVE HER.
...vitamin water. Revive is still my favorite but i tried this other one recently that was pretty great but i can't remember the name of it.
...clocking out at the end of the day without having torn any hair out despite several visions of doing so through the day.
...making plans on the weekend.
...doing a really wuss weight workout but feeling it (without being sore) the next day.
...loving the gym as much as I do these days
...working out after a tediously stressful day
...skipping working out to come home to a vase full of flowers and some dinner courtesy of my boyfriend.
...the sound of my iBook keyboard. truth be told i need a new laptop that has more memory and an unjacked hinged, but this little blossom has done me well
...talking politics without sounding like an idiot
...talking about the future with K without feeling dumb
...vodka and club soda with a few lime wedges
...a very colorful calendar of events hanging by my front door
...K's enthusiasm about the knight rider movie that was on sunday night. I didn't watch that show growing up but believe me, I am thoroughly filled in on what it was like
...starting a psychology class online. oh hello again my true academic love
...being in school and knowing that though it might not seem like i've risen to my full potential to the random outsider, at least i'm in the works of getting to a college degree
...emails
...surprise packages in the mail.
...planning to mail surprise packages to other people (even if I'm retarded and may or may not actually get it done anytime in the near future)
...taking lunch breaks that consist of sitting in my truck and writing in my journal
...blt sandwiches with no mayo at jim's
...looking for a new apartment and finding a great many to choose from that are slightly bigger AND cheaper AND closer to work
...the confidence that comes with deciding to work out three times a week and sticking to it for three weeks in a row
...not having gained any weight this month even if it doesn't look like i'm going to make my ten pound loss goal
...eye cream. whether or not i need it and whether or not it has made a disernible difference, it feels lovely and smells great when i put it on as i'm getting ready for my day
...beating people at foosball after it having been YEARS since the last time i played
...making a list while using questionable capitalization skills