the one that's just some of this and that

Just some of the random crap going on in my mind...


...I fought super hard to breastfeed S and was miserable while doing it because I never had a good supply. I had to supplement with formula from the get go and finally just switched to all formula when he was a little over four months old. My supply has been super great with A and outside of the first day and a half of his life, haven't had to give him any formula. But the spit up is never ending. I've cut out dairy, caffeine, and leafy greens to see no improvement in the spit up. I had to take my itty bitty for an ultrasound to determine if he needed surgery (which he thankfully doesn't). I have called and texted my cousin who is a relatively new (and completely awesome) lactation consultant and strange hours to ask for advice. I have rebuffed several people telling me to give up. And today, a little past three months in, I really started considering opening up some formula for him. He seemed so unhappy earlier today. I don't know what is best for him. I am thankful we got through the bulk of the flu season unscathed and I think breast feeding was a big help. My goal was just six months anyway because I just kind of want my body back to myself. June seems forever away at the moment. It is so much spit up... But he's happy and he's gaining weight and he has wet and poopy diapers so there's no medical reason to quit. I am thankful that my husband told me to make the decision I needed to make for me and for A and he would support it 100%. It's kind of dumb that it's such a thought process for me. It's deciding which way to feed A, not whether or not he's going to eat anymore.

...A has THE greatest smile. It is huge and it seems like sunshine is just going to pour out of his mouth. And he doesn't share that one with EVERYONE. Most people, yes. But I can tell he saves it for people he knows sometimes.

...The older I get, the quieter I find myself online regarding things like the Defense of Marriage Act. Not because I do not have a strong and what I think is a well thought out opinion, but because I'm not interested in vomiting up my thoughts anymore. I'd rather have a face to face conversation with someone so they know that I really am open to being friends even if we disagree about something and that I'm not just an opinionated asshole.

...I can't believe how much I love Netflix. We got a chunk of unexpected money last fall and put some in savings, went to Costco and stocked up our cabinets, and then splurged on two blu-ray players with wifi. Best splurge in awhile! I have watched a ridiculous amount of tv while feeding A late at night but I am so glad to be able to get rid of cable and still have some tv entertainment.

...It's been three years and I'm solidly comfortable in my role as a wife and with having changed my name. I don't feel awkward with referring to myself as either anymore. I don't think it actually took three years, but I just noticed it recently. I wish things were different with my inlaws but I still have hope we can be closer some day. Something about having the second baby made K very comfortable with my parents and calling them or talking to them without feeling like he has to talk to me first. I love that!

...I really like having two boys. My oldest is so funny! I love it when he cracks other people up too. I feel more validated in thinking he's awesome sauce that way. They adore each other and I'm glad for them to grow up together. I just hope I can do right by them as I raise them.