31 days of improvement: day 2

I have a crap ton of weight to loose and I want to be healthy. And hott but I figure that will come along with the losing weight and being healthy.

My husband thinks I'm beautiful and looks at me like I'm pretty all the time. And I don't even think I'm really horrible looking, just fat. And my kiddo is super fast and active and busily getting into anything and everything and I want to be able to keep up with him or even get out ahead of him better.

My church just started a running group and are hosting a Beautiful Feet 5K at the end of November. I know that right now, I can definitely walk a 5K in a decent amount of time. But, it seems like the perfect opportunity to have a work out goal with a deadline attached and if nothing else, I'll get a t-shirt out of it. The registration money is going towards supporting and serving the Strong Foundation, a shelter for homeless families, Casa Hogar Misericorida orphanage in Chihuahua, Liberia NOW, Children's Emergency Relief International, and military ministry.

Today was my first day of Couch-To-5K and I have to say I can definitely do this but holy moly am I out of shape. I have an app for my phone and each day is a 30 minute work-out of walking and running. Today was a five minute brisk walk to warm up and then running for 60 seconds and then walking for 90 seconds. I finished the whole thing. I can see how you can get hooked on running but I am not there yet. I figure this will get easier the more I do it and I really love the app. If I was just trying to do it myself, I would give up. I really am that lame sometimes!

But I have a borrowed jogging stroller and I hit a sale at Kohls with a gift card and got actual running shoes and they are even black and PINK! I wear a women's 11 and that was the largest size I saw in all the running shoes there yesterday. We don't have set plans on baby C-2, but I think I better start praying now that my feet don't get any bigger with that baby!

Tomorrow I will be working out again, but I don't know if it'll be C25K or not. They recommend that you just do that three days a week, so we'll see how I feel. But otherwise, I have some workout dvds that I am starting to like, so it'll be something!

31 days of improvement: day 1

I cleaned the hallway bathroom from top to bottom. It's really nice in there and it's also literally the only spot in the house that is clean from top to bottom. I will be working hard this week to make that not be the case, but in the meantime, I kind of want to just hang out in there.

S wants to help me or be involved or try to do things himself regardless of what I'm doing. I love it and I try to encourage it but when I'm cleaning and he throws a fit because I'm sweeping and won't hand over the broom it makes things difficult. Or if I'm folding clothes and putting them in piles on the couch, well, I just don't bother anymore. He runs up and in one smooth movement dumps everything off the couch.

I'm starting to feel like I'm just trying to survive each day rather than live it. And it's not entirely true, but I think it is when it comes to how my house looks. Hopefully I can keep making little steps and have a house that's more clean than not! In the meantime, I'm going to go stand in the bathroom for a minute.

newsletter: month 18

Dear Samson,

Holy crap balls, you are 18 months old! I can't believe it. Sometimes you seem much older and other times it seems like you were an itty bitty guy in my arms and I blinked and now you are climbing on top of the table. Time goes by so differently when you become a parent. You are very aware of it and it zooms past you at the same time. Eighteen months of you right in front of me with lots of good times, giggles, and lessons learned.

You crawl, walk, run, and climb. The climbing part is insane to me. I was a very calm child and from all accounts, so was Daddy. And here you are, climbing on anything and everything you can get a foothold on. When we go to eat at home, I take the tray off the high chair and let you climb up because it's actually faster than me setting you in there. I have to take great care in making sure furniture and some of your sturdier toys are not too close to each other because you will climb up on one thing so you can reach something else to climb up even higher. Climbing up on a chair, to climb up on the table and throw your hands up in jubilee is adorable and terrifying at the same time. My current goal is to avoid any major scars until you can at least talk.

We were at a friend's house, outside on the deck and you were playing on a little bike. All of the sudden you rode down the stairs and I watched in horror as you and the bike tumbled head over heels down those stairs. My heart stopped as I ran to scoop you up, trying not to picture the worst. I was sure there was a broken bone or there would be blood. You snuggled into my neck and I calmed you down while my heart pounded so hard I was sure it was going to fly out of my body. And before I could get myself calmed down, you were upset again because I wouldn't let you immediately get back on that bike. The next day, I was trying to change your diaper on the changing table. You wiggle and crawl away (as much as you can on a little table) and that night was no different. Except when you were on all fours, a hand slipped and your face slammed into the edge of the table. I scooped you up, checked for blood, and went to the freezer for your little Elmo gel pack. By the time I had told Daddy what happened and gotten us settled on the couch, you had stopped crying and wanted down. You cried harder as we took turns holding that gel pack on your face than you did when you actually injured yourself. It was pretty much an instant black eye.

The thing that I love about you and that also terrifies me is it doesn't seem like anything is going to keep you down. You are intent on exploring and playing, on doing what you want to do and getting right back to it whenever you face an obstacle. I admire that trait but I hope so hard it moves from physical injuries to triumphs. And I hope this isn't a glimpse of you as an adrenaline junkie!

You have a few words you use sometimes. I thought I wanted to be called "mama" but once you started saying "Mommy" and it was an intentional word rather than sounds strung together, I started to change my mind. You also say daddy, uh-oh, whoa, mine, and hi. None are all the time but all are adorable. You've started to get the hang of manners and when you hand me something, you say "Come" almost as a whisper. It makes taking half-chewed up mouthfulls of food in my hand a little easier, I have to say. You jabber constantly and for someone who doesn't know English very well, you certainly have a lot of opinions you'd like everyone to know about!

I am delighted by the fact you continue to love music and have kind of discriminating tastes for a toddler. The album Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons might as well be permanently stuck in the car cd player. I really like all the songs, but I am kind of tired of it and will try to sneak in some radio time. You will have nothing of it. Since it's a little easier to concentrate on driving without someone yelling at the top of their lungs in the back seat, I usually give in and press play again. You especially like tracks 2-4 ("The Cave", "Winter Winds", and "Roll Away Your Stone") which luckily have become my favorites as well. Sometimes I'm not really paying attention to it and we get all the way to track 7 ("Little Lion Man") which is a song I actually really like but is pretty inappropriate for little ears since it drops the f bomb several times. I think that cussing is sometimes (very very rarely) a really effective way to get your point across and I don't know how to substitute it in this particular song, but we skip it nonetheless. That's a discussion we can have when you're a teenager.

I'm involved in a group at church called Band of Mothers and we meet to pray for our kids and talk about resources to share with moms of kids of all ages. At the last small gathering I was at, we talked a lot about teenagers. It just seems so far away. In some ways, it absolutely is. You are literally over a decade away from becoming a teenager. I'm grateful for the chance to walk alongside some mamas who have kids older than you so I can see what they are going through and also that they survive. There are things Daddy and I are trying to do right now to put in place now so you grow up always knowing that in your life. Family hugs, going to church, socializing with others, reading, listening to a wide variety of music, meeting you on your level as much as we can, and making sure you know we are here for you and will take what you have to say seriously. A lot of it seems abstract right now but then there are times when something we've done for months without it seeming like it means anything adds up into something really cool. For instance, right now you are all about bringing us books to read to you, over and over again. I can't help but think as long as we plod along making the rest of these things intentional and repetitious as best we can, that it will add up into your understanding and it will happen sooner rather than later.

You are a fantastic person, Samson. I am so glad to get to know you and I genuinely have fun spending time with you. I had no idea someone who couldn't really talk could be so funny! I will always do my best to do right by you. One of my biggest hopes is that you always talk this much to me. I want to know what you have to say.

I love you, my little baby man.

Love, Mama

you might be drifiting, and can't find the shore

I spent a good chunk of the morning/early afternoon at a friend's house, chatting, praying, and watching the kids play. I love going to her house because she lives out in the country. It's a commitment to drive over there. It gives me a couple of minutes of the driving I used to do all the time when I lived in Southern California. And, I always leave with a nugget of something. Understanding, peace, happiness. Something.

We spent some time talking about teenagers and some specific struggles of anonymous kids and I found myself alternately missing being involved in high school ministry (something I didn't really think I'd say for at least a few more years), thinking that the teen years are literally more than a decade away for my child, and starting to wonder if everyone is sure there's not a way to freeze your kids at a young age so they don't grow up and go out into that big scary world. 

I'm grateful to know moms who have kids older than mine. They seem to have found their mama groove and it's encouraging to see that the toddler years are survivable. It's possible to have more than one kid and still sleep a little bit. That eventually, I won't have to keep my eye on my child most of the time to ensure he doesn't try riding a bike down the stairs (well, my child may do that when he gets older too, just to see what happens, but today, he had no idea of the consequences).

I hope I can offer that encouragement to a mom with younger kids than mine someday.

good times, good times

I love my birthday.

I mean, I really love my birthday.

I think of August 28th as my new year. I used to make a big list of resolutions each year and try to get through them all, with varying degrees of success.

This year, I just have two.

1. My yes be yes and my no be no.
2. Choose to be healthy more often than not.

I used to be known as someone who could absolutely be counted on. I don't think this is something I'm really known for anymore. I find myself meaning to do things and either doing them much later on than I meant to or just not doing them at all. I need to be that person who when I say I'm going to do something, everyone can count on it being taken care of. I have a lot of understanding people in my life, and of course having a kid can make it more difficult to try to schedule things out super specifically. But not impossible. And I need to not hide behind S when I say I'm going to do something and then flake out for whatever reason. I'm much harder on myself than I would dream of being on anyone else, but at the same time, I want to be completely dependable.

I have noticed recently that I must work out in order to lose weight and keep it off. I don't eat a lot of junk. I eat some junk, and I eat too much sometimes when I sit down for a meal. But I have noticed that regardless of how much of what I eat, if I'm not also at least walking for an hour three times a week, the scale will not budge. I need to keep making these kinds of observations and then actually following through on them. I want to have cute clothes and be strong and everything but I also just want to be taking care of myself. I don't think I can accurately say I am doing everything I can to take care of myself. So, that's my goal. Eat right. Eat better. Work out. Be strong.

And maybe write more.

recipe: Indian Chicken Curry (Murgh Kari)

My house smells like an Indian restaurant right now and I am just a happy girl about it! It's about 10 WW points plus per serving (it makes at least 4, maybe more) which might be a little steep but not awful considering how freaking delicious this is!

Here's the ingredients:

2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast
2 tsp salt
2 tbsp oil
1 1/2 cups chopped onion
1 tbsp minced garlic
1 1/2 tsp minced ginger root
1 tbsp curry powder
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground tumeric
1 tsp ground corriander
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tbsp water
15 oz can crushed tomatoes
6 oz plain Greek yogurt (Chobani for the win!)
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp salt
1 tsp garam masala

Serve with 1 tbsp chopped cilantro and 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice

1. Sprinkle the chicken breasts with 2 teaspoons salt.
2. Heat the oil in a large skillet over high heat; partially cook the chicken in the hot oil in batches until completely browned. Transfer the browned chicken breasts to a plate and set aside.
3. Reduce the heat under the skillet to medium-high; add the onion, garlic, and ginger to the oil remaining in the skillet and cook and stir until the onion turns translucent, about 8 minutes. Stir the curry powder, cumin, turmeric, coriander, cayenne, and 1 tablespoon of water into the onion mixture; allow to heat together for about 1 minute while stirring. Mix the tomatoes, yogurt, 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro, and 1 teaspoon salt into the mixture. Return the chicken breast to the skillet along with any juices on the plate. Pour 1/2 cup water into the mixture; bring to a boil, turning the chicken to coat with the sauce. Sprinkle the garam masala and 1 tablespoon cilantro over the chicken.
4. Cover the skillet and simmer until the chicken breasts are no longer pink in the center and the juices run clear, about 20 minutes. An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read at least 165 degrees F (74 degrees C). Sprinkle with lemon juice to serve.

humpday happiness!

A list of things making my happy...

...S's little baby curls. I think I'm going to put off that first haircut a little longer!
...kid's eat free nights. Even more when they are unexpected. So tonight, I got a full meal, S got something to eat, and we have lunch tomorrow and all I had to pay for tonight was my meal! Ye-ah!
...sparkling water
...Blue Moon beer. I think it's my new favorite.
...that we got to see the last Harry Potter movie during opening weekend. It's the end of an era.
...the mamas I keep getting to meet through all the Band of Mothers stuff. It's an amazing group of women!
...S's mysterious rash just disappearing. I guess it's a normal toddler thing sometimes. Sigh.
...breakfast with my mother-in-law the other day was nice.
...my sister sent this random box of goodies from Trader Joe's and I am now in love with chocolate covered edamame. Yay for the box, yay for a new treat!
...our NorCal trip is coming up around the corner!
...playing around with various social media.
...clean laundry
...fish tacos
...hot showers.
...sun tea made on the front porch.

...

I think one of the hardest things about being a stay at home mom is that when you have a really rough day, it feels like there's nothing to show for it when it's over. You just hope you get a good night's sleep and tomorrow is better for everyone. When I had a bad day at work, I could still make my little work area look nice and I'd at the very least have a time card punched for the hours that were hard and I got to punch out and go do something else.

Don't get me wrong, I love staying home with S and I feel very blessed that I am able to. My husband works really hard to keep us afloat. But some days just kind of suck.

humpday happiness!

A small list of things making me happy...

...new friends who are awesome mamas with kids my kid get along with!
...VIA from Starbucks. I wish I could get an endorsement deal. I can make one cup of amazing coffee in 90 seconds. I LOVE IT.
...the way my husband comes home and kisses me straight away and then kisses S. Best part of my day.
...S scrunches up his nose when he smiles now!
...perfecting my world famous blueberry muffins.
...oatmeal and coffee for breakfast and they way it cleans everything right out!
...talking about poop randomly and probably inappropriately.
...my cousin is having a baby!
...we are going to California in August!
...the #sexyback11 challenge.
...sun tea.
...getting to spend Father's Day with my husband and my dad. Both great fathers!
...an appointment for an eyebrow wax, a hair cut, and a massage on SATURDAY!
...encouraging emails.
...KOVE is playing a bunch of new songs that are really good.
...K getting excited about hearing a song on KLOVE that we sang at church earlier that day.
...figuring out how to get all the music I've ever purchase on iTunes onto my phone!
...making faces with S. He tries to do it back but even better, his laugh is infectious and adorable.
...doing all the Band of Mothers social media stuff.
...sparkling water!

#sexyback11: I'm bringing sexy back

So there's this blog I follow off and on, called Ragamuffin Soul. Forever ago, I vaguely knew Carlos and his wife because I went to Sandals church and our paths crossed here and there. It was ages ago and I wouldn't expect either of them to remember me, but that's how I started following Carlos' blog. He has really set up a little community on the web and it's really cool. I don't participate much but read and enjoy the links and videos and whatnot. Good times online yo.

He and this other guy, Grant, decided they wanted to be in better shape so they started this challenge called I’m Bringing... Sexy Back It’s Summer And I Can Take My Shirt Off In Public Program. They asked if anyone wanted to join them in trying to be healthier this summer and over 200 people said they wanted in. So I'm part of this Twitter list of people who have set measurable goals and are tweeting, facebooking, and/or blogging about how they are making changes to get to that measurable goal by Labor Day. 


My measurable goal is to lose 20 pounds. It's kind of a lot but I think if I bust my booty, I can do it. I plan on making changes in what I eat and drink and also getting more active. First of all, I want to look awesome. I do not look awesome right now. I look like a person and a half shoved in one body. I lost 60 pounds last year and then gained back 20 and I definitely have a good 100 to go. So, 20 pounds this summer. Secondly, I am in charge of this little guy who doesn't know anything about anything and I really want him to grow up thinking eating healthy meals with tons of fruits and vegetables and being active on a daily basis is just completely normal. If I make these changes now for myself and for K, then S really will grow up like this. Thirdly, I really need to be more responsible with the things God has given me. I've been thinking about this in regards to finances, but this line of thinking really applies to a lot of things I will probably write about in the next month or so. I want to have more babies and it sure would be a lot easier if I didn't have to do the regular OB appointments plus the Perinatologist appointments. There's no guarantee that losing a bunch of weight will make that happen but it certainly would make the next pregnancy easier to start out at a healthier point! It would make finding cute maternity clothes a lot more fun!


So, 20 pounds by Labor Day. I can do this!