the one where I'm thinking at the end of a long day

First time trying a post on my phone, so we'll see how this goes...

I went to a funeral this morning. I had only briefly met the deceased but the way he lived his life shaped many friends of mine and those friends have greatly impacted me and my family. I hugged my friend Stacy this morning and she looked at her father-in-law's casket and said, "I can't believe this is my life right now." And that's why I went. Because I can't believe this is her life right now either. No one my age really thinks their parents are going anywhere but none of us have a guarantee of tomorrow. This was a horrid car accident and unfair and these are good people who are grieving. 

Because K has an unreliable work schedule, I do tons of stuff by myself. Me and the boys handle things and I'm glad for the help when I can go grocery shopping with K but am not upset that's it's usually me by myself. But sometimes I really need him. It catches me off guard because I've been so fiercely independent my entire life and I'm string and capable. This morning though, I ached for him to be with me. I felt a little melodramatic but still just really didn't want to be walking in by myself. 

When I was in the hospital after having given birth to A and my blood pressure was high and my doctor told me it would be at least one more day but likely more and K was at home with S, I desperately wanted him with me. There wasn't anything he could have done. It's probable his snoring would have interrupted my sleep. Sometimes when he's physically near, I don't feel as much of a burden. I can release some of the stress, fear, sadness, uncertainty, etc because I know he's got my back. 

And I'm thankful that means he will hold down the fort while I have a girl's night out and be startled when I come home at 830 because he assumed it would be at least 10. The baby cried and cried when he woke up and I wasn't there and K couldn't find the chicken nuggets S wanted for dinner and bed time was a mess but he didn't tell me any of it until well after both boys were asleep. I am so grateful for good friends, laughter, margaritas, serious chats, and relaxing. And I am ridiculously thankful that after that I get to come home to my guys. 

newsletter month 7

Dear Asher,

Happy seven months!

When Samson was six months old, we got a family picture. We decided to do the same thing with you. Between various viruses and whatnot and Daddy's work schedule, we almost made it. We got family pictures the day you were officially seven months old! I'm so glad to have an official portrait of us as a family of four. It feels like we've been the four of us for ages and ages even though it's really just been under a year.

You are sitting up on your own and quite content to sit on the floor with toys nearby. I love this! You are still a very snuggly little guy but it is so nice to let you sit and play. Your brother is sometimes very into playing with you and sometimes very annoyed that you are interested in his toys. I suspect this is how things will be for quite some time to come. You, however, simply adore him at all times. If he comes up with it, you think it's a good idea.

We checked you into Kid City for the first time at church! You didn't object and by the time we picked you up, all the volunteers in your room had fallen in love with you. Asher, your smile is just amazing. You are such a happy little baby and you have a way of making everyone around you a little happier, even if just for a few minutes. I hope this never changes. And I hope it's never a burden to you. Let your joyful heart shine through without regard to how others feel about it.

Despite your default happiness, you are a very expressive little guy. You hate the flash on the camera and we've managed to accidentally capture hysterical grumpiness from you. I think you're going to have a lot to say and expressions to match all of it!

You got to go swimming in Grandma and Papa's pool for the first time this past month, too! I covered you in sunscreen, insisted you wear a hat, put you in one of their life preserver suits, and you got to sit in a floaty whale and you completely loved it all. You splashed heartily, you loved zooming from person to person, and then you laid your little head back on the headrest of that whale and chilled like it was your job. I think if it had been a little quieter, you would have happily taken a nap right there, floating in the pool. I also started putting Samson in the tub first and getting his hair washed, and then putting you in the tub with him. You both love this. You will start flapping your arms as I lower you down into the water and splash and splash until I take you out again.

   

You are always on the move and interested in everything going on around you. You won't stay still, even for a diaper change or for a quick face wipe. And lately, I've even had to tuck your arms in and rock you to sleep because even when you can barely keep your eyes open, you don't want to miss what's going on around you. I feel a little like that sometimes with you. Every time I pick you up, you seem a little bit bigger, a little bit more confident in holding your own. I'm so excited to see you grow up and get to talk to you and hear what you have to say. But these moments with your skin like butter and you cuddling into my shoulder and you wanting me to hold you close and sing to you, they can't go slowly enough for me to properly memorize them all. After I give you a bath and then feed you and you smell like clean baby with milky breath, it's just magic. You're big for your age, you're determined, you're curious, and you are already personable. But, remember to just be your age. Just be where you are sometimes. Don't get so far ahead of yourself that you miss the right here and right now. It'll never be just like this again.

Seven months! I'm so excited to see what this month brings. I love you, sunshine.

Love,
Mama